Having a baby is a joyous time.
It is also one of the most stressful.
Not everyone is thrilled at the announcement of a baby on board.
And the way it’s announced can be an issue.
Case in point…
Redditor PregOnceAgain wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not telling my daughter that I’m pregnant once again?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (42 F[emale]) had my daughter Charlotte when I was 18 and ever since my husband Eric (28) and I had our baby girl two years ago,”
“Charlotte herself has had baby fever but she and her husband haven’t been able to conceive.”
“Personally, I think that she should wait until her career is fully set.”
“But I’m not going to control what my adult baby does with her body.”
“Eric and I want more kids, but it isn’t something that we talked to anybody about, not even Charlotte.”
“So we’ve been trying too, if it happens, it happens, if it doesn’t, we’ll try with my frozen eggs, if it still doesn’t, then it’s not meant to be.”
A” month ago, I found out I was pregnant again!”
“Eric wanted to spread the news around right away but a week before Charlotte came to me crying about her still being unable to conceive.”
“While confiding in me she also told me that she thought her sister was my last baby and that’s why she felt comfortable starting her own family.”
“So I could be there as a grandma and not be worried about also being a mom.”
“I tried to explain to her that even when I’m a grandma, I’m always going to be her mom regardless of if I have other kids and it won’t change how I feel toward a grandkid.”
“She said it’s different and didn’t go further but I know it bugged her so I decided to wait until I was sure that this baby will be healthy and I won’t need an abortion.”
“But yesterday Charlotte came over unannounced because she wanted to babysit her sister and she overheard Eric talking to his friends on the phone about my pregnancy.”
“And that we’re planning on having at two more after this.”
“When I came home, she was really upset and started yelling at me about me not telling her.”
“Ltting her and her husband keep trying even though I was pregnant and not involving me.”
“I just don’t get it, her dad’s wife is pregnant too, why is mine so important?”
“I let her take her sister to the park and it cooled her off but she was still stingy with me.”
“But maybe I was wrong to keep all of this a secret.”
“So am I the a**hole?
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole… for the most part.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Why is she upset?”
“Because you probably raised her on your own or was her primary caretaker and she doesn’t want to have kids as the same time as her mother because it’s weird.”
“I’m going with NAH because I think your daughter has been having trouble not having her own family.”
“And see both her parents start a new one now that she’s an adult and not living with them anymore.”
“She wants things to be ‘normal’ and not have siblings who have the same age as her kids.”
“Add to that: you’re in your 40’s and still fertile.”
“She’s in her 20’s and can’t get pregnant.”
“That situation must really sucks for her.” ~ Primary-Criticism929
“I have a friend who has 2 children and her youngest is the same age as her mam’s youngest child.”
“They have an extremely hard knitted bond and my friend turned around and said its a support team like no other, mother and daughter with their daughters growing up close.
“OP’s daughter might want to reach out to a therapist because while it is bad for her, she is taking out her feelings on OP unjustifiably.” ~ Minute-Judge-5821
“NTA for not telling her that’s your business to tell but you are completely TA for marrying a guy thats four years older then your child that’s disgusting.” ~ LengthinessFresh4897
Although others had some different thoughts…
“YTA for the way Charlotte found out.”
“You and your husband should have been united in not telling anyone about the pregnancy if you knew it would be a sensitive subject for her.”
“Besides, who are you to feel that she should ‘wait’ until her career is established before having kids when you had her at 18?”
“You owe your daughter an apology.” ~ smackof_ham
“YTA. It was wrong to keep it from her.”
“You should’ve told her yourself especially since you know how upset she is about her own fertility journey.”
“ALSO: Who are you to judge your daughters fertility choices?”
“You had a baby at 18, married a man only a few years older than your daughter”
“And you are still making babies in your 40s… seems like you should mind your own business.”
“Something tells me if you say it like this to us, you’ve made it clear to Charlotte that you think she should wait.” ~ Apprehensive_Web_164
“I’m very confused by OP’s comments.”
“It’s all about her daughter and how she’s the most important and she wants her to be happy etc etc.”
“But she also said ‘if I’d only had her for my child, that would be lord than enough’ so why then try for four more kids?”
“At an age where it can get dicey for pregnancy.”
“I’m not saying OP is old, please no one attack me, but there are significant risks to the mother and baby the older you are.”
“So Charlotte isn’t enough then?”
“It had to be another and another, and plans for TWO more?”
“All the comments are about how she would sacrifice everything for Charlotte and even be her surrogate, but I’m not seeing that demonstrated anywhere in her actions.”
“Seems like Charlotte’s stressed because she’s trying for a baby at a supposedly fertile stage of her life, and her mom is planing on four more kids and having no trouble.”
“That’s not OP’s fault it’s like that, but I can see why Charlotte may be a little upset at the fact she can’t do that.”
“She’s also being surrounded by babies which will also make her upset because they aren’t hers.”
“Fertility is such a sensitive issue and I feel really bad for her daughter.”
“To Charlotte it’s like “oh I’m so sorry you can’t conceive but you should definitely wait, do some more life stuff.. oh me?”
“I’m just super busy conceiving more kids, did you know I can have as many as I want even at 42?”
“Blessed! Anyway have fun at the park with your baby sister.’”
“It just seems so insensitive.” ~ thebearofwisdom
“I think OP personally doesn’t need more babies, but her very young husband wants more, so she just go with it.”
“Not saying she isn’t going to be a good mother or not love her kids, but maybe the ideia didn’t come from her.”
“Also yes, being pregnant after 40 is very dangerous for the mother and the baby too.”
“Having more babies at what? 45? really risky.”
“Age she will be if she tries for more babies after this one.” ~ aawgalathynius
“NAH. Your husband could have exercised some self control but he didn’t know when your daughter was going to show up if it was unplanned.”
“Your daughter is going through a rough time, just have some compassion for her.”
“She is struggling to conceive during her prime fertility years while her mother who’s twice her age gets pregnant at the drop of hat.”
“She also has to wrestle with the knowledge that, should she actually have a baby in the near future, she and her child won’t have your support as a grandmother because you’ll be continuing to pop out new babies yourself.”
“You can’t be there for her if you have pregnancies/newborns/toddlers of your own to deal with.”
“You obviously don’t have to change your life decisions for your daughters benefit.”
“Just accept that she is missing out on the family she wants, through no fault of her own, and has valid reasons to be sad about it.” ~ cellocats
“NAH. You seemed supportive of your daughter throughout this, and tried to delay telling her news that might upset her in case circumstances changed.”
“It is unfortunate that she found out the way she did, but you have to understand her frustration.”
“She probably feels inadequate given that she wants to start a family but has been struggling.”
“This is an emotional subject, and emotions tend to boil over sometimes.” ~ mets2016
Well seems like Reddit is pretty torn.
Whatever happens OP has a lot on her plate.
Hopefully Charlotte can find a way to be happy for her mom.
And hopefully her family is in the works.