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Mom Angers Her Boyfriend After Getting A Hotel Room Because He Wanted To Set Off Fireworks

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Cohabitation always has its challenges for any couple, but one person on Reddit had a unique disagreement with their partner.

The Redditor, who goes by the name [deleted] on the platform, took her problem to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit to get some help figuring out who is in the wrong in this particular conflict.

The OP (Original Poster) asked:

“AITA for getting a hotel because my boyfriend wanted to set off fireworks?”

As they explained:

“I live with my boyfriend in a house with a massive garden. I have PTSD, which he knows, and get freaked out by sudden, loud, erratic noises.”

“I have a son, who has not been diagnosed with PTSD, but has the same reaction as I do.”

“This means fireworks (among other things) are something I’ve learned to live with, but don’t enjoy or want near me, and same goes for my son.”

“My boyfriend told me earlier today that he invited some friends over tonight to ring in the new year. I wasn’t thrilled but it’s safe, so I said I’d be getting some work done and this was his party, so it’s his responsibility to play host and he had to clean up.”

“He agreed, and swore the party won’t affect me, though he did ask me to join them shortly before midnight which I of course agreed to.”

“A couple hours ago, my boyfriend’s friends began arriving and he and one other friend began bringing in several boxes of fireworks. I asked my boyfriend to come upstairs and talk. I then reminded him of my issues and he said that they won’t last long and I’ll be fine.”

“I said no, I won’t be fine, and I don’t want fireworks in the house. He said it’s new years, we need fireworks, and I said that I need to not be scared out of my wits, so no fireworks. He said my son would love it, I reminded him that my son feels the exact same way about fireworks as I do.”

“Boyfriend said I’m overreacting and bracing myself for the worst, when it might be good for me and my son to get used to the sound of fireworks, and that my son would love the visuals. I said that he is not setting fireworks off in my back garden. He agreed to not use them, but 20 minutes later I heard a firework go off.”

“I went downstairs and my boyfriend and his friends had all the fireworks set up. Boyfriend saw me, said that was a tester to make sure they’d set them up OK, and that clearly I’m fine so there are no issues here.”

“I then went back upstairs, went online and booked a hotel room for the night. I packed the basics for me and my son, and told my boyfriend where we were going. He got upset and asked me not to leave, but I went anyway.”

“On arriving at the hotel and getting up to our room, I’ve opened up my phone and gotten a slew of messages from my boyfriend, saying I’m being selfish, I’m overreacting, I’ve made him look bad, and he wants me to come home.”

“I rang him and he reiterated all of this over the phone, saying that what I’ve done is sh**ty and ruined his night. He also said that it’s his house, too, so he should be able to have a party if he wants, and shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells.”

“He also feels that my response was drastic as I could have used earphones or let my son try and sleep through the fireworks, and a hotel is an extreme response. He asked me to come home but I refused so he told me to go f’k myself. I told him likewise (my exact words were “f’k you too babe”).”

“AITA?”

OP later added to the post to clarify a few points.

“I have not given my son PTSD. He’s seen a professional, who said he checks every box on the PTSD checklist except 1, and due to that 1 thing plus his age she was reluctant to diagnose but said he probably has it.”

“I have not transferred any fear or negative associations of my own onto my son. I have done nothing to make him fear fireworks, or loud noises in general.”

“If I had the choice, he would have no fear of loud noises at all, because this issue makes his life harder than it has to be, and I want more than anything to be able to take this away from him but I can’t. Please stop suggesting I imparted my issues onto my son, because that is not a thing and I’m tired of explaining it.”

OP’s fellow Redditors were asked to decide who was in the wrong using the following acronyms:
  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
People had no trouble coming to a verdict on this one.
“…there are things like sparklers that do NOT make the loud, traumatic sort of noises that trigger OP’s PTSD and he could’ve had some of those! Or watched a professional display with the volume low!”adotfree
“… He better be careful swinging around that gaslight with all those fireworks around.”StAlvis

“Sounds like the boyfriend struggles with empathy and has sociopathic tendecies.”“It’s pretty amazing thinking about what so many people are not only willing to sacrifice, but glad to sacrifice for their loved ones and this guy just can’t live without his fireworks or just standing up to his damn friends and peer pressure…”portezbie

“NTA. Your boyfriend couldn’t care less about your PTSD, your son, or the pandemic.”“Use this information wisely.”analyst19

“…When he shows you who he is, believe him.”OneUnexpected

“…Your boyfriend … can kick the curb. Your house. Your son. Your PTSD. > his ‘feelings’ about what makes New Years necessary. Also, party during COVID? Just saying.”sparkpaw

“NTA.”

“OP, this is a serious question:”

“Does your boyfriend have any redeeming qualities?”

“All I see here is that he: doesn’t respect your mental health, doesn’t respect the child’s mental health, doesn’t respect your shared space, and values his friends and his party over you and your comfort. Doesn’t sound like a winner, to be honest.”aSeaPersonByNight

“The fact he brushed the son’s needs off like it was no big deal and then told her to f’k off is distressing to me.”f1lth4f1lth

“Definitely NTA, but I’d dump this scrub immediately. Life is too short to waste time with people like this.”SuspiciousFun

“NTA. Getting a hotel was a very adult reaction. Totally justified.”bopbeepboopbeepbop

Let this be a lesson to all of us that demanding basic respect is never needs to be apologized for.

Written by John Sundholm

John Sundholm is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.