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Mom Secretly Gets Daughter’s Ears Pierced Because Her Opinion Has ‘Heavier Weight’ Than Husband’s


To pierce or not to pierce… that is the question.

Do you leave your baby’s ears naked until they’re older or just go ahead and puncture?

That can be a dicey conundrum for many parents. You want to hope everyone is on the same page.

Case in point…

Redditor MajorOverreaction9 to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for getting my daughter’s ears pierced without telling my husband?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Context: Me f[emale] 26 and my husband m[ale] 32 welcomed our daughter several months ago.”

“So far we’ve agreed on every decision made regarding our daughter but the topic of piercing her ears came up.”

“And he said he didn’t like the idea despite me explaining that…”

“1. It’s normal thing for babies and…”

“2. It looks pretty…”

“3. no it’s not cultural, we’re both white but it’s a great new experience in my opinion.”

“He said he needed time to think about it but weeks went by and he hasn’t said okay yet.”

“Mom suggested we do it behind his back and he’ll then come around and see for himself that it’s a good thing since he was having doubts and being indecisive.”

“I was hesitant but I agreed and chose a day where he was out all day.”

“Thankfully it went smoothly, but when my husband got home and found out. he lost his temper and went on about what a major breach of trust I just committed.”

“And how I should have never decided to do this without him fully agreeing since he’s the parent too.”

“And got extra mad that I went behind his back and was being sneaky and untruthful about it.”

“I tried to explain that first it was my mom’s idea and I didn’t think he’d overreact like that but he insisted that what I did was not okay and that I overruled him as a parent and damaged the trust we have.”

“And also put our daughter through pain and discomfort.”

“I had an argument with him and told him he was acting like this is just his daughter, I’m the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his to some degree.”

“He got offended by that and went to stay with his mom who called and berated me for going behind her son’s back and treating him as a less than when it comes to our daughter.”

“But I never understood why he thought that.”

“He is not talking to me now.”

“I think he’s being selfish by saying he needed time to think about it and trying to stall without considering my point of view.”

“Mom is on my side here but he and my in-laws said I screwed up for making such a decision without his ‘okay’ and going behind his back to get it done.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors strongly felt our OP WAS the A**hole. 

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“YTA. I don’t blame him for being angry. You were definitely ‘sneaky and untruthful’ and then tried to blame your mom for it???”

“ALSO, I’m the mother and my opinion does have heavier weight than his at some point.”

“What on earth makes you think this??????”

“I don’t think that his mother should have gotten involved but you are still TA.” ~ grandoledog

“Also, I wanna add that there’s a good chance OP probably went to an unsanitary mall kiosk to get her daughter’s ears pierced which cause a lot of problems later in life.”

“My mom did that to me and my ears still leak puss to this day from the piercing holes.”

“Only an assumption since OP didn’t write exactly where she went to get it done, but I’d bet on it to be honest.”

“Forgot the judgement lol. YTA, OP.”  ~ No_Tank_3895

“I agree OP is YTA, a major one at that.”

“Me and my wife discussed getting our now 4 year old daughter’s ears pierced multiple times through the years and decided that it’s better to wait until she can make the decision herself.”

“When she’s older if she wants her ears pierced then we will take her and have it done.”

“I find it strange that OP pretty much knew that the husband would say no when she said that he kept stalling and wouldn’t come out and just say no, so she knew he would have a problem.”

“Then decided to go full on hypocrite and get mad that he took issue with his opinion not mattering and said her opinion matters too he needs to quit acting like it’s just his daughter… exactly like she just did.”

“There’s a lot of red flags especially with how she seems to view her SO as less than equal when it comes to the daughter and that instead of listening to her husband she decided to listen to her mother.”

“And why does the ‘I’ll ask for forgiveness later instead of permission now’ mentality seem to be popping up so much lately?”  ~ RDBZ_90

“Agreed – YTA OP.”

“Are you married to your mom or your husband, if you are sneaking around behind his back at her suggestion it seems like you may be confused about what a marriage is.”

“So for the way you are treating your husband Y T A.”

“Additionally, coming from a woman who has never had her ears pierced because my parents let me make that decision for myself – Y T A.”

“You might think it is pretty and normal, but what does your daughter think?”

“Nothing about this yet because she’s not old enough to understand.”

“Starting her off with one less choice about her body is crap parenting and I think you’ve just proven yourself wrong, your opinion matters less than your husbands.”  ~ trippymonkeys

After listening to a few thoughts our OP came back to add…

“Edit: putting this out there…”

“My husband was aware that I had plans to get our daughter’s ears pierced and we’ve had many many discussions about it so it wasn’t like it was out of the blue and I didn’t bring it up with him.”

“I did but he kept giving me the same ‘I need time to think about it’ the entire time.”

“How long was I supposed to wait?”

“Why did he kept stalling instead of just saying ‘just no’?”

“He just kept stalling and putting off any further discussions/compromises that we could’ve had as a way maybe to get me to just abandon the whole idea.”

But Reddit’s feelings stayed clear…

“You know what’s also an unfortunate thing? Babies get their ears pierced by those shitty piercing guns.”

“They cause blunt forced trauma and they can’t ever be properly sanitized because of their design.”

“If you were to take your baby to a professional piercer they’d refuse you because babies ears aren’t done growing and piercing their ears now will cause them issues; like they’ll end up in different places and crooked when they’re older.”

“Most parents won’t take no for an answer and get it done with those guns.”

“Plus a baby can’t consent to that, wait until their old enough to decide for themselves.”

“Oh and YTA OP.”  ~ pixie13903

“YTA. And he’s right, you’ve damaged the trust and asserted that you have more of a say in your daughter than he does, which is a f**ked up and rude as hell thing to say.”

“I also think that piercing babies is dumb, they don’t need accessories and permanent changes shouldn’t be made to their bodies until they’re old enough to ask.”  ~ CrystalQueen3000

“YTA. For me it’s not normal to get babies pierced.”

“Where I live it’s more common to do it when they actually want it themselves.”

“Should a baby need piercing to be seen as pretty?”

“That sentence made me feel sorry for your child. Apparently her look is more important for you than her heath and husbands consent.”  ~ CissiE_33

Well everyone seems to feel veery strongly about this situation.

Parenting is always a give and take and compromise is never easy.

You have the life of a little person to always consider.

Hopefully these parents can come together and get past this hurdle.