Some of us have had the good fortune to experience a relationship where gifts are given unconditionally, expressly with the intention of being useful or bringing joy.
But sometimes the people around us question those gifts, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Majestic-Number-5831 was taken aback when her family started questioning the gift she had received, and accepted, from her boyfriend of three years.
When they refused to let up about it, the Original Poster (OP) decided to stand up for herself.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for leaving my mom’s birthday dinner because she called me a gold digger?”
The OP’s boyfriend recently replaced her car as a birthday gift.
“My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years.”
“I have been using the used car my parents gave me when I was 17. It is about 16 years old and I wanted to buy a new car.”
“My boyfriend on my birthday surprised me by taking me car shopping. We bought a used 2018 Camry for me.”
“It is a lot of money to spend on a birthday gift, but he reassured me it was something he wanted to do for a long time.”
The OP’s mother complimented the car on her own birthday.
“Last week, I visited my mom for her birthday. She and Dad were hosting a small dinner for just our family.”
“It started off well and everybody was having a good time.”
“My mom brought up my new car and said it was nice.”
“I agreed and talked about considerate and thoughtful my boyfriend is, but my mom was frowning.”
Then the conversation took a terrible turn.
“My sister joked that people would think I was a gold digger.”
“I wanted to laugh it off, but then my mom started to rant. She said it was very unseemly to accept such a large gift and publicize it.”
“She said people are probably talking about me and laughing about how her daughter ended up becoming a gold digger who would marry someone just for money.”
“I was too shocked to say anything at first, but I realized the things she was saying were really f**ked up.”
“My sister was clearly enjoying it, and my dad didn’t seem to mind.”
The OP decided enough was enough.
“I told my mom that I didn’t have to deal with her bulls**t, and I didn’t care what others thought of my relationship.”
“I left even though my dad told me not to leave and my sister tried to stop me.”
“My sister texted me later that our mom was just ranting and I shouldn’t take it seriously and it ruined the mood when I left. She said I always make everything about myself.”
“I feel like I should have stayed there and communicated instead of running away.”
“I know my mom is being awful, but she is a very sensitive person, and someone probably said something to her, and she is just lashing out.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP hadn’t bragged about her car at all.
“NTA. Your mother said, ‘it was very unseemly to accept such a large gift and publicize it.’ But did you publicize it? She literally brought it up.”
“Also, not to denigrate your car at all, but it’s a used car that’s a few years old. I’m sure it’s super nice, but nobody is going to think you’re a gold digger if that’s what you dug.”
“It didn’t ‘ruin the mood when you left,’ and you didn’t ‘make it about yourself.’ Your mom made it about you and ruined the mood herself. Could you have stayed and smoothed it over? Maybe, but that’s not your fault.”
“To be honest, it sounds like she’s jealous that your partner did you such a nice favor.” – herrod
“The only thing she’s digging for is gold coins. The ones filled with chocolate.”
“NTA, OP. Your partner felt it appropriate to get you a reliable vehicle. Express your appreciation for his appreciation of you. It’s far more practical than a diamond.” – SchmidtyBone
“I’m stuck on her objecting to you ‘publicizing’ this outrageous gift… like, how do you hide having a car??”
“You can leave expensive jewelry at home, and maybe stealth a holiday if you’re careful about social media, but you can’t just NOT make it publicly known that you have a new-to-you car!”
“What would she have you do? Park it in the garage with a tarp over it?” – StJudesDespair
“Gold digging is a brand new Beemer. And not the little 1. Nothing under the three. With leather seats. With seat warmers.”
“The gift is super thoughtful and I’m sure it’s a nice car and a huge improvement over your old faithful. But it’s not a gold digger’s car.”
“It’s a lovely, thoughtful gift from your boyfriend and I hope you enjoy many happy, trouble free miles in it!” – sharri70
“NTA. I don’t care if your mother was ranting, but who even says that in regards to your partner getting you a gift? I don’t get how that makes you a gold digger when they probably don’t know much about the car, and that your partner was fine buying it for you.”
“Not to mention, your sister was enjoying it, and your dad didn’t even say anything. Not anyone there bothered to say she was going a bit far. Also, how did you ‘publicize’ it? All you did was drive your new car there for dinner. I’m very confused on why she would say that aloud.”
“One more thing, she doesn’t even know your love life that well, so why would she say people are making fun of you about becoming a ‘gold digger’? This is just another case of people just running their mouths and not being careful with their words.”
“Either way, if you would stay and talk, that might’ve helped, but you left because you were upset and bothered by it. People just need to choose their words carefully next time.” – FanganChild
Others agreed and thought the family was toxic.
“It’s not like he got a 2022 Mercedes or Lexus. It’s a freaking Toyota. Not to put down Toyotas, I drive a Camry.”
“I laughed at the part where you say she is sensitive. My mother would say the worst, most hateful things to me, but if you said anything to her, you hurt her feelings.” – SusanAkita2014
“Was the sister really joking, or did she know what the mom thought (maybe the mom has complained to her in private) and provoked her into going off at OP for whatever resentment/jealousy reason she might have?” – Forsaken_Distance777
“This part really got me: ‘My sister texted me later than mom was just ranting and I shouldn’t take it seriously and it ruined the mood when I left. She said I always make everything about myself.'”
“OP didn’t make this about herself. She was ganged up on by her mom and sister while her dad just sat there doing nothing.”
“Nobody should have to sit there while they are being insulted and just take it.” – Crafty_Dragon_Roll
“I will never understand why a person is supposed to take insults and hurt just because it’s from a family member. Bullies exist in families too, and no one deserves to be treated badly, especially by the ones who are supposed to love you the most.” – chaos_rgj
“NTA – Under no circumstance are you expected to sit there and take that… and honestly they should be glad you had the self-respect and dignity to leave before it got worse and you said something you really regret.”
“I think your mom was being jealous and she owes you an apology for name-calling, as does your sister for instigating it.” – JPegg201005
“NTA. Your mother being a sensitive person doesn’t give her license to make ridiculous and hateful comments without consequence.”
“Perhaps you should’ve announced at the table, ‘Oh, I didn’t get it for free. You can’t even imagine the number of sexual favors I had to perform to get that car!’ Like, really double down. NTA.” – NUT-me-SHELL
“A truly sensitive person will also understand and account for other people’s feelings. Not just their own.”
“A selfish narcissist, on the other hand, is just interested in voicing their own opinion. And they won’t let you retaliate (by using the ‘I’m just being honest,’ ‘I’m sensitive,’ ‘I don’t understand why you’re mad’ defense) either, because they can’t handle it.” – Awkward-Wasabi-9262
The OP had mixed feelings after her mother’s birthday dinner, because of how her mother ranted at her but also because of how her sister accused her of ruining the evening and leaving the scene.
But the subReddit didn’t see it that way, as the OP was in a long-term relationship, her boyfriend had given her a practical gift rather than a gold-digger-level one, and honestly, no one should have to sit quietly while they’re being baselessly accused of something that questions an important person in their life.