Deciding to have or not have kids is a personal choice.
Raising kids is a huge responsibility, and no one should feel obligated to take it on because their parents want grandkids.
Redditor jelouse_metals encountered this very issue with his kids and wife. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my wife that our kids don’t owe us anything?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So basically during dinner, the subject of kids came up (can’t remember why) and basically all three of our kids don’t want bio kids. And, our eldest is kinda neutral on the topic of kids and says it’s up to his future partner whether or not he adopts.”
“This has really upset my wife, she says that every parent looks forward to the day they get to become a grandparent.”
“I told her that if any of our kids adopted she would still be a grandma. She got upset and said it’s not the same, I told her that they are still kids (17M, 15F, 13F) and that their opinions could change.”
“During this convocation, I said something along the lines of ‘also they don’t owe you or me anything, it’s their bodies.'”
“This pissed off my wife and she started yelling that there’s nothing wrong with her wanting and hoping for real grandkids.”
“To me, it doesn’t really matter if they have kids or not, I would love to be a grandparent but that’s not my decision.”
“Also, they’re still kids, them having children is a long way away and their opinions may change as they grow.”
“However, I feel like I could have handled the situation so much better and that what I said was hurtful, so AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Holy cow at your wife though! Hasn’t finished rearing her own children and is fretting about grandchildren? And the whole ‘real grandchildren’ thing is gross. I think you handled it perfectly if you were calm and civil.”
“You are also correct. Your children are in charge of their bodies and reproduction choices.” ~ AdministrationThis77
“OMG yes, I’m terrified of the thought of bringing a child into this world in its current climatic and economic state (hoping to work in conservation once I’ve finished studying to do my bit to help) but I also want kids one day, and while adopting/fostering is a great and noble option I also would like to experience pregnancy at least once (though if it doesn’t happen then I’m ok with that, it also sounds like an intense experience).” ~ Psychological_Ad4504
“I literally brought this up with my daughter. Asking her to think really hard about having kids because the possibility of a sh*tty future is real with climate change and the political situations around the world.”
“I doubt she listened but at least I made her aware.” ~ jedi_cat_
“Yeah, I would love kids, but I just have no idea how I would be able to afford to give them the kind of upbringing my parents gave me.”
“I’m a casual worker, so I wouldn’t even get maternity leave. If I got pregnant, I’d probably just lose my job.” ~ Maximumfabulosity
Many argued that having kids is a huge responsibility less and less people are willing to take on.
“Right, she has progeny to focus that stray ‘grandbaby fever’ on, she should do that.”
“NTA OP. Also, fun thought for your SO: children are a luxury now, bio and especially adopted.”
“We (millennials and younger) are no longer operating under the assumption that we can work 40 plus hours a week to afford rent, a home, or any kind of wedding or partnership ceremony, let alone kids, and most of us don’t want to have to deal with kids at all under the current assumption that most of us are going to have to work ourselves silly until we die.”
“Edit: I’m humbled my usually unpopular opinion on this subject has garnered such awards. Ty!” ~ throwncone
“Yep this is why I (a 28 year old woman who is married and WANTS kids) am very unsure about having kids.”
“Terrified to bring kids into a world where I know we are likely heading off the climate change cliff.” ~ kbwis
“Same sis. The baby fever is realllll, but also so is climate change & the whole death lurks in every corner cause we’re still in a panasonic 😂😭” ~ ckatwigs
“As a HS teacher, I can say that it seems the next generation is heading towards positive change. They tend to actually, ya know, understand that climate change isn’t an opinion but fact.”
“I have true hope that as the boomers finish out their years ‘in charge’ we’re moving in the right direction!!!”
“Also, NTA and way to support your kids bodily autonomy!” ~ littlecar85
Some Redditors argued adoption is not a perfect solution.
“Same! 28f with the man I’m going to marry and the thought of having children terrifies me.”
“I’ve stopped voicing this because I can’t stand the ‘omg, you HAVE to at least have one child.'”
“Ha, I don’t have to do shit.” ~ thatbish92
“Have you thought of adoption, in that case? You get the kids without having actively brought them into the world yourself.” ~ purplepluppy
“Adoption sadly is not easy and very expensive. I know couples that have been on waiting lists for years and there’s no guarantee that even if you get to the point of actually adopting the bio mom could change her mind.” ~ rubyslippers70
“This. People throw this ‘just adopt’ around like it’s still the victorian ages and you just have to walk into an orphanage and pick out a child you like.”
“There are more people looking to adopt than children given up for adoption (at least when it comes to healthy children under 6). It usually take years, costs a ton of money and many people don’t even qualify in the first place.” ~ Maggi1417
“Yes agreed. I think people watch too many movies and think there’s still orphanages with Oliver Twist just waiting for you to swing by and pick up on your way home from work or something.” ~ rubyslippers70
Having kids is a personal choice.