Though we are nearly a month into 2022 already, there are still people who are wildly concerned about what other people wear on their bodies.
It’s especially concerning the reasons behind these preoccupations, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Necessary_Force271 was shocked when her mother kept reprimanding her for wearing a bikini during the family vacation.
But when she heard why her mother was upset, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do next.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for wearing a bikini to my family vacation?”
The OP recently went on a vacation with her family.
“I (22 Female) went on vacation with my immediate family last summer. We rented out a beautiful beach house and spent a whole week there.”
“I am naturally shy, so I had an ankle-length sundress that I wore when I wasn’t swimming or sunbathing.”
“I had a great time at the beach, but my mom was fuming the whole time and refused to tell anyone why.”
The OP’s mother surprised her with criticism.
“When I got back from vacation and was packing up to go back to college, she busted into my room and demanded how on earth I would think it was okay to dress like that in front of my brothers and dad.”
“She said that I was ‘mooning everyone’ on the beach and that it was embarrassing for her.”
“She said that if I dressed like that when I was a kid, she would’ve ‘locked me in the hot car.'”
“I was flabbergasted. My bikini was a scoop neck sports-bra style and the bottoms were the cheeky kind. It wasn’t like it was a triangle and a thong or anything.”
“The only explanation I could think of was when I got flattened by a huge wave and walked away with a wedgie. But that happens to everybody at some point or another at the beach, right?”
The OP tried to discuss this with her mother.
“I calmly told her that I was an adult and could wear what I wanted, and I apologized that I made her uncomfortable.”
“My sisters were wearing them too and she didn’t talk to them about it.”
“Plus, the idea that she would think wearing a bikini around my brothers and dad is ‘wrong’ really made my skin crawl.”
“This seemed to tick her off even more, and she accused me of trying to seduce my brother-in-law by wearing a two-piece. (Note: he wasn’t even on vacation with us, he was out of state.)”
“She then said if I didn’t promise to wear a one-piece bathing suit, then I wouldn’t be allowed to attend any future family vacations. I said okay, and walked away.”
The argument didn’t end there.
“She recently brought it up again and it made me really rethink the whole situation.”
“I get that it might’ve sounded like a simple request and that I can dig my own grave by refusing to do something as simple as change a swimsuit.”
“But my mom has bullied me for my appearance since I was in elementary school and controlled the things that I wore and ate so strictly that it gave me an ED.”
“I felt like by standing up to her, I was standing up for myself. Plus, she said all those mean things.”
“Was I really being inappropriate in front of my family? I really didn’t do anything at the beach besides collecting shells, sunbathing on a towel, and swimming.”
“AITA for not bending to a simple request?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by the mother’s behavior.
“NTA at all. Your mom has some serious issues. Whether it’s internalized misogyny or straight-up jealousy, it’s hard to say, but it’s absolutely not your issue.”
“I know it’s easy for me to say just stick up for yourself and ignore her, but believe me when I tell you this has everything to do with her and nothing you did wrong.” – DonnerKatze89
“Something or someone screwed your mother up badly, and it likely happened long before you were born.”
“Her reactions to you are so utterly detached from decency or even reality that I doubt she even really sees you when she looks at you.”
“She’s seeing something a lot scarier and more powerful than the normal young woman in front of her.” – DiTrastevere
“I recently read a quote that said: ‘Abused children don’t stop loving their abusive parents, they stop loving themselves.’ Please don’t allow your mother to ruin the relationship you have with your body any further.”
“You have done nothing wrong. If wearing a bikini is ok for your sisters, it is ok for you. Call your mom out on her double standards and limit your contact with someone this toxic.” – lilEve77
Others agreed and took issue with the “hot car” comment.
“She would have locked you in a hot car as a kid? What the f**k, who in their right mind would say something like that? Really sick, NTA.” – Wendyroooo
“Sometimes a single sentence is enough to show that someone isn’t worth our time and energy.”
“I once had a friend who kept cheating on her partner, despite me telling her to knock it off. One day she said, ‘It’s amazing how good of a liar I am,’ and that was it for me. I tapped out after that statement.”
“The hot car bit is terrifying.” – mysterioussaltcellar
“Your mother is a freaking psycho. There are so many layers to this, where to start? Thinking your dad and brothers can’t control themselves around their daughter/sister is creepy.”
“Beyond creepy. What even. Bringing up your BIL who wasn’t even there.”
“And all of her demands. She’s a very sick individual who needs to get a handle on herself. NTA, absolutely.”
“And, my gosh, how did I forget the comment about leaving you in a hot car?!?! Who in the h**l says or even thinks something like that?!?!” – Sad-Raise-754
Some recommended speaking to her family about this.
“Have you told your father about this comment? I’d be interested to hear what he has to say about his creepy wife.”
“Also NTA, your mother is weirdly obsessed with your body. Start calling her out on it so rude, what a creep.” – Squidjit89
“Your mom has a whole lot wrong with her. You didn’t do anything wrong. Given that your mom jumped to wishing she had murdered you as a kid, I’m guessing she’s made your mother-daughter relationship difficult in many other ways. None of that is your fault.”
“I’m sorry you can’t count on your mom to be reasonable and loving. You deserve that figure in your life.”
“Can you see your mom less? Do you have any siblings on your side that can help you navigate this? Is your dad a good parent? (I’m assuming and hoping that your mom was entirely incorrect in her wild accusations about your male family members.)” – vzvv
While the OP was feeling torn because of her mother’s persistence, the subReddit insisted that she had done nothing wrong. Bikinis are morally neutral pieces of clothing, especially in the presence of family.
If her mother was going to keep talking to her like this, the OP either needed to cut ties or at least get support from other family members.