Social media has changed the way we express ourselves in a number of ways.
We can reach friends instantly all over the world instantly or build a fanbase with nothing but a smartphone and charisma.
Of course, this unbridled access also leads to new privacy concerns.
Where once we had physical photo albums and complete control of our pictures, now digital images are easily dispersed with or without our knowledge.
So, what happens when someone wants to keep those private images private but certain family members don’t agree?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Canadianmama1999 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for blocking my MIL off Facebook even though it’s the only way she sees photos of child?”
OP began with a little backstory.
“I (24F) and husband (25M) have a one-year-old child together.”
“I have quite a big extended family that I hardly ever see, so I post many photos of my child on FB.”
“(I have allll the privacy settings on, and have gone through my friends list deleting people I don’t know anymore).”
“I have about 250 friends on fb and they are all family or I know them personally.”
OP explained her concerns.
“My MIL on the other hand, has over 8000 people on FB.”
“She has zero privacy settings and approves anyone who asks to follow her.”
“Right after babe was born, she started stealing my photos off of my Facebook and posting them to her own (like she had taken them herself).”
“She would post half naked photos of my child, she stole probably 200 photos off of my Facebook page, and she prints these photos out and posts them around her house.”
“All of that doesn’t really seem like a problem.”
“Just a grandma loving her grandbaby right?”
“Wrong.”
“I have younger family members with photos of my child on my Facebook.”
“My family members, not hers.”
“She has photos of my younger cousins holding babe around her house.”
“She has photos of my mom holding babe around her house. She has tried to tag herself in my photos on Facebook so they show up on hers as well.”
“I tried to talk to her, ask her not to take my photos off Facebook and I would send her photos to post as her own if she would just ask.”
“She said sorry, that she wouldn’t do it again.”
“So I let it go.”
“Two months ago, just before babes first birthday, she posted an online album of my daughter.”
“125 photos in this album.”
“120 of them from my Facebook.”
“My mother, my grandma, my aunts, and cousins (minors who’s parents have let me know they do not want their photos on her page) are all in this book for over 8000 people to see.”
“Also in this book, is my photos from having my child. Me, no pants, no clothes, looking very rough.”
“(I almost didn’t make it, I had a hemorrhage) so those photos are very personal yet she posts them for so many people to see.”
“I don’t post photos of my daughter without being clothed.”
“I’m to nervous about the creeps of the internet. Buy my MIL doesn’t care.”
“She had 5 naked photos of babe in that book.”
So, OP chose to take action.
“So, two months ago, the day the album was posted, I blocked her.”
“My husband was on board and so was my SIL.”
She was left to wonder,
“But now a I have few family members telling me that I’m the a**hole because it’s the only way she sees photos of babe.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some reminded OP of Facebook’s privacy tools.
“NTA but you should unblock her long enough to report every single photo: https://m.facebook.com/help/383420348387540” ~ author124
“You could maybe set the permissions for photo albums to exclude MIL though?”
“That would keep them safe for the 48 hours.” ~ marcelinediscoqueen
“There’s an option called ‘restricted’ that let’s the account stay friended but the other person doesn’t see anything unless it’s public. Or if they are tagged.”
“I have a good bit of my family restricted” ~ CaRiSsA504
“You can get around that by putting her into a category you call MIL and then set the settings for that category so that they can’t see anything or only things you explicitly tag them in.”
“I have a few older relatives on my FB that I have put into a category like that and restricted them from commenting as well.”
“They are on a very strict information diet.” ~ MapHazard5738
Speaking of privacy,
“THIS!!”
“If OP doesn’t want these photos on the internet, then she shouldn’t post them on the internet ANYWHERE.”
“Of her 250 close friends, any number of them could be problematic.”
“No one says, ‘I always knew Jim was a pervert’ or ‘Jane was clearly into sex trafficking, that’s why I’m Facebook friends with her.’ NO!” ~ No_Hospital7649
“That’s an important point.”
“No matter how close you are to these friends, you have no way of knowing what they do with those photos when they come across their feed, nor do you know who has access to – or can get access to – their Facebook account.”
“The only way to be sure to keep photos of your child away from pervs on the Internet is not to put photos of your child anywhere on the Internet.” ~ Alarmed-Pangolin-154
There were personal stories.
“Ditto.”
I like my MIL; she’s a nice woman and good egg.”
“But there are times where she gets a wild hair up her ass and starts going through all my photos on FB, either liking them or commenting on them, blowing up my phone with notifications.”
“And they’re not even recent, some are from 2-3 years ago. So yeah.”
“I’ve got restrictions set preventing her from doing that.” ~ BadBandit1970
“My mum (bless her ikkle soul) is definitely NOT sm savvy.”
“She tried sharing 1 of my posts, but somehow, NO FRICKIN CLUE HOW, she shared ALL my pictures ALL 1,200+.”
“🤦♀️ & to top it off she went outta town for the day (niece 4th bday – tried sharing bday post & pics [was allowed to post them]) so had to wait a few hours before I could get hold of her sm to then have phone issues where I still couldn’t delete post.”
“🙈 took 6+hrs to get it down from her posting it just grateful no controversial pics” ~ Sail_Future
“Kid plays sport. I shoot sport.”
“I have several albums of sports picture on FB that I use for personal and public use (I post for the club on SM too).”
“But yeah. She’d go back to pictures from a tournament 4 years ago and start clicking away and commenting.”
“She’s not always socially appropriate either, but man my one BIL is the worse.”
“Just bizarre, dumb ass comments that were embarrassing.”
“He’s straight-up blocked.” ~ BadBandit1970
Commenters were appalled by MIL’s invasive behavior.
“NTA.”
“It’s not the only way she can see pictures of the baby; you’ve made it clear you’ll send her some if she asks.”
“It’s absolutely unacceptable that she posted very personal and private pictures without permission. You’ve talked with her and she’s still doing it.”
“So blocking her on Facebook is your only option. She could have prevented this by taking your clearly stated concerns seriously, but she chose to ignore them instead.” ~ eefr
“NTA – you made it clear your boundaries.”
“You asked her not to. She promised she wouldn’t.”
“She posted pictures of you and your baby that anyone with ANY DECENCY would know not to. You don’t owe her pics.”
“At this point, I’d tell her ‘next time you come over, ill show you pics of when baby did this or that’ and keep control over those pics.”
“If she asks for a copy, either tell her no, or tell her that you will try to remember later.”
“Then she gets to see the pics, and she doesn’t have any control over them.” ~elvaholt
“Your MIL was warned about posting your photos and now she is blocked. Sucks for her that she didn’t …believe you would actually block her, I guess?”
“Oh, and while you are at it, feel free to go ahead and block any other family members that give you shit for doing it.”
“NTA, mama.” ~ YouthNAsia63
“NTA.”
“Your mother–in-law has deeply, repeatedly, and flagrantly violated your trust, your privacy, and your good will.”
“Send her an annual framed photograph of your family and child and be done with the nonsense.”
“She doesn’t understand the risk and refuses to learn. You are not obligated to create your own boundary violation.” ~
Though, not everyone felt MIL was entirely to blame.
“Unpopular but ESH.”
“I have 73 friends on facebook and i still won’t post anything too personal.”
“Why? because it’s the internet and there are ways around privacy settings and if you’re posting these things on the internet, I promise you they aren’t private, with or without your MIL’s help.”
“You should probably refrain from posting such images if you don’t want people seeing them.”
“Obviously your MIL is a much bigger a**hole, but I don’t think anyone needs an explanation why for that one.” ~ Wild_Excitement_4083
“Exactly.”
“I’m pregnant with my first and am so serious about no photos of her being posted online.”
“My husband is onboard but we worry about my dad and some friends who post every single thing they do online.”
“We just don’t want her ever exploited. Just because you don’t know about it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Social media should be for consenting adults only.” ~ Specialist-Tour-4213
Pride in our children – or grandchildren – is not a bad thing.
Sharing that pride far and wide isn’t bad either.
What makes this problematic isn’t the sharing, it’s the flagrant disregard for clear personal boundaries.
Be kind, but be firm in the limits you set.