As humans, we definitely appreciate acts of kindness and charity, but there is a line where charity becomes boundary crossing. It’s awkward to even suggest that somebody who has kind intentions is crossing a line, but there comes a point where we do need to stand up for ourselves.
Reddit user ThrowA70590714 found himself in this very situation, when his landlord’s daughter kept bringing him food that he didn’t ask for.
After making it very clear he did not want this to continue, he went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for perspective on his reaction.
He asked:
“AITA For insisting on moving out after my landlord’s daughter kept bringing me meals?”
Our original poster, or OP set the scene where the unwanted meals kept coming from.
“I M[ale]23 found a place to rent a month ago. Before that I had issues coming up constantly with electricity, water, etc. My previous landlord’s were mean and disrespectful.”
“The one I currently have is a good guy. He has an 18 year old daughter who he introduced me to and offered that she comes over to clean up but I politely declined, but they insisted since her dad pays her to clean up other rooms in the building so it’s kind of a paying job for her. I said okay.”
However, this arrangement got bad pretty fast.
“She has a copy of the key that I didn’t know about til later.”
“No issues until she started re-doing my room every single week causing my belongings to get lost or putting stuff like books I’m not even interested in or candles with a strong scent or lamp that is too bright in my room.”
“I brought it up with her dad. She apologized but nothing’s changed. Then she started hanging around the place and letting her dog in causing a mess. I talked to her dad again then she stopped.”
Then the meals started showing up.
“Recently she started bringing me meals with ingredients that I’m allergic to. At first I thanked her and gave the meals to my friends but she kept bringing more.”
“I explained I have an allergy and I unfortunately can not eat her meals. But she didn’t stop and started bringing desserts that contain the same ingredients.”
“I was getting fed up with this. Yesterday I came back to see she left a meal on my computer desk and It was obvious I couldn’t eat it because of my allergy. I called a friend to come take it but he didn’t come. I ended up throwing it in the trashcan.”
When she saw the meal in the trash, she got very upset.
“She came in the evening and saw it. She looked upset and asked why, I told her why but she threw a fit saying it was incredibly awful of me to do this and that I had no respect for her.”
“I blew up and told her to have some respect and stop going into my room. Stop letting her dog in, stop bringing me meals that’s when she started crying calling me a jerk.”
At this, OP decided he needed to get away.
“I couldn’t take it. I called my landlord and told him I want to move out. He made excuses for his daughter’s behavior and said I should’ve been calmer and more respectful and not cause her to cry.”
“He said I shouldn’t move out because he won’t find a tenant easily in the area. I argued with him and insisted on moving out.”
“I told this to my friends who disagreed saying I was ungrateful and that the landlord’s daughter was cute but I was cruel and mean. They said I should stay but I refused.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Reddit agreed that OP hadn’t done anything wrong here.
“THIS is one of those times a well placed Yelp/Google review will come in very handy.”
“‘Dude lets his daughter come into the rooms, move things and bring all sorts of allergens into the apartments – do not rent from this guy as he thinks it’s ok.'”
“Next, what in the actual f**k? This is NOT how a landlord/tenant relationship should work AT ALL.”
“I live in a shared house as well and we do have a cleaner that comes (landlord’s daughter), however, she has no right to enter any of the rooms, she only does the common areas.”
“The fact this girl went from simply cleaning, to rearranging your stuff, to bringing you meals – it sounds awfully suspect that this dude is trying to hook you up with his daughter. Or she’s trying to make herself out to be a good housewife or something.”
“Either way, the boundary overstepping here is on an insane level. Ignore your friend’s ‘because she’s cute,’ is not an excuse for her behaviour.”
“If I were you, I’d move out and just stop paying rent. If/when the dude calls you, just say you moved out and it’s his fault for not respecting very typical landlord boundaries. NTA”~Els236
NTA. The OP’s friends are really weird. ‘Let the cute chick do whatever. So what if she keeps trying to feed you stuff that’ll make you sick?'”
“I agree that the landlord’s daughter might have some kind of unhealthy thing for the OP.”
“The snooping and constant invasion of space aside, the bringing food that he’s allergic to is the creepiest thing to me, because what if OP’s allergies are really severe or life-threatening? Some people get a reaction from just being in a room with an allergen.”~xeuthis
“Move out ASAP, but in the meantime pick up a Wyze camera. They’re like $20 online or at Home Depot and can alert your phone when it detects a person.”
“I bought one when my previous landlord’s son kept entering my apartment. I moved out and terminated my lease.”
“When they mentioned rent I asked if they wanted to see a video of their creepy son poking around my place without notice. They did not. NTA.”~zomblee84
“NTA. The landlord and his daughter are being wildly inappropriate and creepy as f**k.”
“If you do decide to stay (I wouldn’t though) I’d do a trial basis where she stays the f**k out of your space, does not have a key, and leaves you the hell alone. No cleaning, definitely no meals.”~lulubelleknitting
On top of the fact that OP has allergies, she is clearly violating boundaries by rearranging his space.
“I am saying NTA, because allergies. I carry 2 EPIPENS. Because I really like breathing, it’s important. I also have severe allergies, which have a really adverse effect the whole breathing thing.”
“I am super careful about eating anything I didn’t make myself. Which is my responsibility, since I’m the one with life-threatening allergies!”
“If someone brought food I cannot eat after I told them I’m allergic, I would be livid. It’s not okay.”
“I could have a reaction just tossing the food into the trash. It’s absolutely inconceivable to me that this girl had the audacity to be upset that you binned her food, the same food that would make you ill.”
“I wouldn’t tolerate that crap either. You told her to knock it off. She evidently has no understanding of how allergies OR boundaries work.”
“I wouldn’t stay there any longer, because it just takes one really bad allergic reaction from her food to quite literally kill you, or make you very ill.”~IChooseYouSnorlax
“NTA. There’s something that seems just a bit unhinged about all this. Landlord seems to want to insert his daughter into your life for his effort to make this seem normal, casual, then trying to correct OP’s behaviour when he pushes back.”
“Daughter seems to have a strange attachment to OP and is acting as though they’re together and OP just doesn’t know it yet.”
“Strange vibes. I’d move too.”~TreeShapedHeart
“NTA-This is creepy. She sounds like she likes you but she keeps on bringing in dangerous foods for you. Sounds like she doesn’t know how to socially interact.”
“I would call her or the landlord and explain how violated you feel. She is consistently coming into your room, bringing food you told her to be dangerous to you, and freaking out when you don’t endanger yourself.”
“The yelling wasn’t great so apologize. But I really am getting so many weird flags from this girl. I would move out too but yeah apologize for yelling.”~Tisalop
“NTA. The daughter likely has a big crush and is doing all these things to get you to notice her. Except she doesn’t have the self respect to notice and accept you aren’t into her.”
“The landlord and daughter bulldozed their way past your boundaries, then when you repeatedly brought up things that made you uncomfortable, nothing changed.”
“Not only that, but had you not been vigilant enough to make sure the food she made had those allergens in them, she could have caused serious harm.”
“Especially after you told her about your allergies and she kept doing it? Sounds to me like she went off the deep end and was trying to get you sick so she could “nurse” you back to health. I’m so glad you got out of there OP.”~NyxxieShade
And people are wondering about the ulterior motives of the landlord.
“Nta, sounds like the landlord is trying to send his daughter in your arms. I don’t know why he wants to forcefully set you up like that but it is weird.”
“It almost feels like the daughter has to bring you food and clean. I think that she is maliciously complying. Either way it’s not worth it for you to be stressed.”
“I’m glad that you can decide to move right away.”~jijijojijijijio
“NTA. Her actions sound stalker-ish and landlord definitely isn’t helping the situation.”
“If I were you I would formally rescind the main service and whatever else he’s been letting her in your house to do in writing and you send it to yourself, to the landlord and her.”
“In this letter I would also remind them that you have refused every meal she brings to you, 1) because you plain don’t want them.
“2) because she continues to bring you things you’re allergic to that you have told her multiple times Tama and after this formal declaration if she brings you another one you will file a police report because she is attempting to harm you, since you’ve told her multiple times NO.”
“Request that he change the locks on your apartment and she is not allowed to enter. That way if she ever does come back in your house you can get her for trespassing.”
“I would also get some cheap cameras and install them inside your home keep an eye on what’s going on.”
“I wonder if she’s not the reason that he has a problem keeping/getting tenants.”~FortuneWhereThoutBe
“NTA. Yikes. That honestly sent shivers down my spine. Its so utterly disrespectful in every way and downright stalkerish.”
“Just get out as quickly as possible. If your friend wants an reality check in how terrible something like this is, ask them to move in -eyeroll-“
“There is nothing cute about anyone crushing your boundaries, invading your privacy and trying to poison you.”~Llayanna
“NTA, maybe it’s because it’s 3am and I’m watching Hannibal instead of sleeping, but she’s trying to kill you.”
“You keep telling her you have an allergy and she keeps bringing you food that could kill you, even becoming upset when you throw it out?”
“This girl wants you dead. You might want to consider sleeping elsewhere until you move. Holy hell dude, be safe.” ~Professional_March54
All are in agreement that this is worrying behavior at worst and a huge violation of boundaries at best.
Hopefully OP finds a new apartment with some less invasive management.