Most weddings in the United States are fairly expensive affairs. Some countries spend even more, while others laugh at everyone who pays the equivalent of a new car or house for one day of celebration.
But what about unexpected expenses? Are the bride and groom on the hook for everything that might go wrong on their special day?
One newlwed didn’t think so, but when others disagreed, they turned to the “Am I The A **hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor Cheepowedd asked:
“AITA for refusing to pay for an expensive dress which was ruined at my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My father-in-law (FIL) is a dirt bag who ended his 23 year marriage with a text, and moved in with mother-in-law’s best friend since college while MIL was on a trip.”
“I’m going to call the friend Shanna and her and FIL are married now, very unhappily and it is a huge sh*t show. Stealing FIL wasn’t enough and Shanna went on a smear campaign and told everyone stuff MIL had told her in confidence.”
“MIL hates them for valid reasons but I have tried to tell her the best revenge is living well. She just got engaged to someone who treats her like a princess and has real money (FIL has become a gambling addict and him and Shanna are screwed) but there is still a lot of anger.”
“I probably f’ked up by sitting them together at the wedding.
“FIL demanded it, because he wants to get back together [with ex-wife] and always tries to be near her in public. My husband is very deferential to his father, but I wish I took more of a stand.”
“We had the final say together. I chose to let my husband make the final decision since they are his parents.”
“My husband was trying to avoid drama with his dad. FIL demanded to sit with [his ex-wife].”
“MIL’s fiancé ‘accidentally’ knocked his entire glass of wine onto Shanna’s lap. I’m pretty sure he did it on purpose and I do think it was needlessly immature but not my problem.”
“The dress cost $1500 dollars and the stain will not come out. Shanna asked me to pay for it and I refused.”
“I believe [the price of the dress]. Not that they can afford it, but I think she was jealous of the engagement ring MIL just got and wanted something to make her feel special.”
“Also I wouldn’t be surprised if the tag was tucked into the dress and she was planning on returning it.”
“MIL just got a very pretty engagement ring, a man who isn’t addicted to gambling, and the jealousy just will not die.”
“He treats her amazingly and realistically who doesn’t enjoy money? He did something petty to someone who had psychologically tortured MIL to make her laugh.”
“Immature, yes, but I think most women would want a partner like that.”
“I don’t know what Shanna was doing in the moment, but she was annoying during pictures and trying to say that she is family and equal to his mom, and then she bitched at MIL for wearing a purple dress that she thought looked black, though it didn’t look black, and said MIL should be escorted out by security ‘for wearing black’.”
“Shanna cried and said the dress was important and she just wanted to feel special and beautiful. I told her to take it up with the fiancé but she said he would just tell her to f’k off.”
“She was really distraught and said since it was my wedding it is my responsibility and that I should have done something when she was humiliated.”
“As of right now I am refusing to pay.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA for refusing to pay for the dress, but yeah, you f’ked up big time seating them together. I can’t even begin to understand why you would have done that, unless you were hoping for drama.” ~ violet_73
“Clearly FIL wanted drama. He got it.”
“Congrats to him. Now he’s stuck with the bill.” ~ Crafty_hooker
“I don’t think you are responsible for paying for the dress but you have to see that sitting them together was giving in to FIL’s desire for drama not avoiding it.”
“You do not sit divorced couples together at a wedding unless they are incredibly amicable.” ~ AprilL4163
“NTA. If FIL ‘demanded’ he sit with his ex, this is his fault and he should pay (not that it sounds like he can afford it).” ~ fetetert
“Not only that, but his insistence makes me wonder about the conversation immediately before the ‘spill’.” ~ OldMamaSpeaks
“Sounds like FIL wanted to make MIL miserable.” ~ neutralgood079
“That’s really sad. Imagine being such an awful human being that all you want out of a wedding is to ruin someone else’s good time.” ~ WhatCanIEvenDoGuys
“Then FIL’s wife should take it up with her own damn husband. Be sure to explain that you wanted to seat them apart to prevent conflict, but FIL insisted they all sit at the same table.”
“NTA in regards to the dress.” ~ BeachTimePlz
Many Redditors pointed out the OP and her husband should never have backed down to the father-in-law’s demands.
“Your husband wanted to appease his father in order to avoid drama? Your husband got drama alright.”
“Drama seems to follow your FIL and his enablers. You can’t say you didn’t know, in the future, when you’ve been screwed over by these characters.”
“Your husband should pay for the dress and also buy a spine and some integrity. ESH except your MIL and her defender.” ~ Pika-the-bird
“NTA for not paying for the dress. ‘It was at your wedding’ is stupid logic, you didn’t spill the wine.”
“However, kinda Y-T-A for seating them together. It’s not exactly shocking that something like this happened, you put 4 people with a lot of history and anger together at a table.”
“Why did you think this was a good idea?” ~ hey-demons-its-me-ya
“Yeah, not the greatest idea OP. I’m sure you want parents to at least ENJOY their children’s wedding?”
“I mean, this was the most ridiculous seating arrangement I can think of. Weddings are long, I can’t see how sitting drinking people who hate each other at the same table was ever going to end well.” ~ porthuronprincess
While the seating wasn’t ideal, these newlyweds should have been able to expect all the adults to act like adults for one day. According to the OP, Shanna wasn’t exactly on her best behavior.
Even if the accidental spill was very much deliberate, Reddit agreed it’s not the newlyweds’ fault or problem if the fiancé is “sorry, not sorry.”