Advocating for significant political issues in the workplace is as difficult as it is important.
It takes tact and nuance to the choose the right issue, the right time, and the right tone. And sometimes, it may even feel like a fool’s errand to fight that battle.
One Redditor, known as GoldfishInaBox on the site, found themself feeling that tension recently. They described the entire ordeal in a post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
Right in the title, the Original Poster (OP) clarified the particular issue at hand.
“AITA for not speaking up about my boss’s homophobia?”
They began with some encouraging detail.
“Hi, y’all. I [Non-binary 20-year-old] work for a very polite woman [around 30-years-old] as a nanny. I adore the job and all that comes with it.”
“The pay isn’t the *best*, but her relaxed approach to parenting and not minding me being on my phone when the baby is asleep makes it an incredible job.”
“She is a lovely and kind woman who, up until recently, I thought was a very open minded individual.”
OP found themself in the midst of what felt like a typical day.
“I recently was watching the baby when when my boss’s [Mother-in-law (MIL)] came by to visit and chat.
“My boss has more children than just the baby I nanny. Her middle child stays with the MIL in the afternoons for online learning reasons to my knowledge.”
“MIL came by and brought the kiddo along with her.”
But then came a turn.
“The kiddo is a super sweet child and very energetic, but because they wanted to relax and I was busy feeding the baby (normally if he’s there and I have nothing to do I’ll play with him to be nice) they just plopped him on the couch to watch Netflix while they talked.”
“He started watching a show and the MIL turned it off, stating that the characters were gay and that she didn’t want Middle Child exposed to that.”
OP found themself at a bit of a crossroads.
“I was shocked to hear MIL and Boss’s conversation take a startling turn towards a homophobic rhetoric, but it wasn’t my business.”
“Because I needed to do a background check to be a nanny I just give out my deadname to people I want to work for. I don’t mind.”
“When I am able to afford the long process of changing my legal name and everything that involves I’ll happily do it.”
“But right now I’m just a nanny. I’m just there to get a check at the end of the day.”
Not everyone agreed with OP’s approach.
“I told my friends about it when I got home and a lot of them were disgusted by the fact that as a member of the LGBTQ+ community I didn’t stick up for myself.”
“My friends, while I love them, are all still in college and many have not had their first job yet. I tried to explain that there’s a time and a place to speak up about homophobia, and that was *certainly* not the place.”
“They said that by staying silent I was teaching middle child that being homophobic was fine.”
“And I’ll admit, I might have been.”
Nonetheless, OP trusted their gut.
“But I have also casually mentioned my ex girlfriend to him before and when he asked questions I was happy to explain, this was before I learned about my boss’s beliefs.”
“I know that it’s important to be out and proud, but I enjoy and need this job. I’m just there for a check, not to preach the queer agenda to this family and pray things turn out like a hallmark movie.”
“So, am I the a**hole?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
By and large, Redditors agreed with OP’s decision to keep quiet.
“NTA – And I don’t think you should bring it up.”
“You work as a nanny, and your job is to be a nanny, not to convince old idiots who aren’t talking to you that it ok for you to love your girlfriend.”