Family is everything. Family is forever. Your family will always have your back.
Those are mantras many people are told to live by.
But what happens when it feels like family, the closest of all family, may be the source of your main troubles?
Case in point…
Redditor Few_Blood1369 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for wanting to move out and telling my Mum it’s not my job to raise my siblings?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“20 year old girl here, I’m the oldest of five by eleven years, my younger siblings are: (9M[ale]), (5F[emale]), (3F) and (10 Month M).”
“I do the lion’s share of childrearing for my little siblings and oftentimes feel more like a single mother than our Mum.”
“As well as taking care of them I also cook, clean and do basically anything that needs doing.”
“Our Mum, I love her but she isn’t great.”
“I’m planning to move in with a friend. As we’re going to get a small flat together.”
“On one hand I want this so badly, on the other I feel worried sick about my little brothers and sisters and how they will fare without me.”
“My mum, when she found out about my plan also told me I can’t move out as she ‘Needs’ me and she won’t be able to cope alone.”
“And how I’m being selfish and I have responsibilities that are more important.”
“I admit I lost it, as I’ve been the only one to ever put my responsibilities first.”
“And I told her it’s not my job to raise her kids.”
“She now thinks I’m entitled and spoiled and has even told my little siblings how I’m going to be leaving them all behind, as I’m too interested in myself.”
“That was a bombshell she dropped before flaunting off to go party and I spent the entire night trying to console them.”
“I feel honestly like crap at this and maybe I am being selfish and putting my desires for the freedom my friends have first.”
“Am I the asshole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA – Your mother will keep using you as a nanny as long as you let her. Get out.”
“My guess is that your mother will magically be able to cope once she has no choice.” ~ RedditDK2
“Then you should keep an eye on them (from your NEW home!) and if necessary call the CPS on their behalf.”
“But DON’T let yourself guilt-trip into staying there further, you have already done more that anybody could reasonably expect. NTA.” ~ Diesel-King
“Honey, I know you want what’s best for your siblings but don’t take that responsibility.”
“If you do, you will never be able to live your own life. Your mom needs to be responsible.”
“If she knows that you will come back if needed, she will use that to her advantage.”
“You are too young to be raising that many kids.”
“How will you be able to work and make money if you have to raise 4 little kids alone?”
“Then the 9 year old would have to do what you did and the cycle keeps going.”
“You can check on them but your mom and dad need to step up.”
“You will end up not even wanting your own family because of it.”
“I was the oldest of 6 by a lot and it made me not want to start a family of my own until my 30’s.”
“And I only had one child because I didn’t want to go back to what happened to me as a kid.”
“Think very hard about taking that responsibility.” ~ Puzzleheaded-You7578
“I agree here 100%.”
“You need to go, it’s time to get on with your life.”
“Absolutely keep an eye on them from afar, see how your mom is faring, and call CPS if necessary.”
“They won’t go straight into taking the kids away (unless they are in immediate danger), but it could be the kick in the ass your mom needs. NTA.” ~ s0rela
“Find your birth certificate, vaccine/medical records, social security card, passport if you have one.”
“And any banking info and store them at your friends house or in a safe place your Mom doesn’t know about. “
“If you had a joint account with her growing up open a new account at a different bank in only your name and transfer it all there.”
“Put a freeze on your credit. She’s about to feel very desperate, and she may try to sabotage you to prevent you from successfully leaving.” ~ rpsls
“OP, if you were caring for your siblings as a teen, you were parentified and that is considered abuse.”
“NTA for wanting to start your life. It’s normal, it’s natural, and it’s time since you feel confident enough to move out.”
“Not to mention, you actually do need to move out so you will no longer be abused.” ~ hdmx539
“NTA. Notice she told you that you were being selfish for wanting to have the freedom to live your own life (which is what you should be doing at 20).”
“Right before she waltzed out the door to go to a party. The hypocrisy. She doesn’t NEED you. She WANTS you.”
“You make her free lifestyle possible because she has convinced YOU that YOU are selfish for wanting the same thing.” ~ Pineapple_Mango_13
“NTA. What are you supposed to do… never move out of the house?”
“Your youngest sibling is 3; are you supposed to remain at home caring for your siblings well into your 30s?”
“You deserve your own life, and these are not your children.”
“You ARE entitled… to have your own life.”
“If she needs help with childcare, she needs to source it elsewhere.”
“I’m sure you love your siblings and still want to have an active role in their lives, but this is not your responsibility.”
“If you want to have kids yourself, this time now in your 20s is the very short time you will have complete freedom.”
“Take advantage of that. You’re not being selfish. Your mom is being selfish to try to take that from you.” ~ SchnootFarms
“It doesn’t matter what your mom *thinks*. She does not own you. You are a legal adult.”
She needs to face the reality that the kids that SHE chose to bear are the kids that SHE has to take care of.”
“NTA. Move out.” ~ AccousticMotorboat
Being a parent is hard.
Being twenty is hard. Being an adult… just being human is hard.
And life will only ever hand us difficult choices.
At least OP knows she has support out there.
Hopefully she and her mom can make this situation better, not worse.