The relationships we forge tie us together like links in a chain.
These bonds can be as tough as steel or as brittle as gold and we choose the material with every action we take in creating and maintaining that relationship.
So, what happens when someone you’re close to feels that decisions you’ve made are damaging that bond?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) honeya34____ when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for asking my son and his STBW (Soon To Be Wife) to pay to spend their honeymoon in my winter cabin?”
OP began with some backstory.
“My late wife and I invested in a small winter cabin years ago.”
“I’m the owner now after her passing.”
“My son (22) is getting married to his STBW in a month.”
“They have no money for a destination honeymoon, they were barely able to plan the wedding.”
Everything was fine, until…
“He asked if they could spend their honeymoon in my winter cabin and I agreed but under the condition that they pay me.”
“He acted all shocked and tried to argue that it’s his mom’s cabin too but I pointed out how I’m the owner now and that I pay to keep it maintained.”
“He got upset and accused me of being materialistic and selfish after I’d already been unhelpful with the wedding.”
“I told him I did the same thing with his aunt and it wasn’t personal. He left with his fiancee and told the family about it.”
OP was left confused about why he was being called out.
“Now I’m being berated left and right and am being told to let him use the cabin and shamed me for asking for money.”
“INFO: I already told him a million times that getting married so soon was not a good idea, but he refused to take my advice and had no regard for my opinion on the situation.”
Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Many were confused about OP’s relationship with his child.
“INFO: do you even like your son?” ~ elvtd1
“See I’m wondering if he isn’t actually a stepson, especially with the way he’s worded things.” ~ Corsetbrat
“Yeah, I had to re-read it to make sure. But the way he goes out of his way to call his son’s fiance his ‘Soon To Be Wife’, I feel like he would have absolutely mentioned that it was stepson.” ~ MattJFarrell
“I’d love to know why won’t you gift a stay at the cabin for your son who just got married. Do you not like him?”
“Your greed is more important than your child? Did he poop in your cornflakes?” ~ GordonBlue133
“The ‘It’s my mom’s cabin too’ suggests to me that he’s not the full father.”
“Like, stepdad that hasn’t taken full fatherhood status in his own mind.”
“He says “son,” but he really means, ‘my late wife’s son’ (MLWS). All the emotions make more sense to me that way.”
“YTA” ~ NurseColubris
Others thought there might be darker issues here.
“Yeah, that’s my guess.”
“It’s a stepson, and he’s used the law to steal the son’s whole inheritance, and mom had no idea the guy was a ghoul the entire time.”
“Given the aunt comment, it sounds like the cabin used to belong to son’s family.” ~ turriferous
Some felt OP was trying to punish the couple.
“YTA OP. And OP gave the game away with the postscript”
“‘I already told him a million time that getting married so soon was not a good idea, but he refused to take my advice and had no regard for my opinion on the situation.'”
“Should also revise ‘It wasn’t personal.’ It is entirely personal and based on disapproval of the marriage.” ~ sculptural_candle
“Yep, this brought everything into perspective. He doesn’t approve of the marriage, so knowing they’re struggling financially, he’s trying to prevent/cause financial hardship for their honeymoon.”
“Definitely TA” ~ duckylurve
“I agree -“
“I mean it’s OP’s to do what he wants with, but damn a stay there wouldn’t cost him a thing (except maybe a small amount for a cleaner afterward) and would have been a lovely wedding gift for his son.”
“Hell my BOSS let me and my family use his beach condo once for free, just asked us to leave the payment for the housekeeper on the counter when we left.”
“OP is just a grinch and using this opportunity to punish his kid for not doing what dad wants him to do.” ~ AdEmbarrassed9719
Commenters pointed out that this is a good way to ruin a relationship.
“Hoping on this comment since you mention the word gift.”
“Is OP even planning on giving a wedding gift to his son that he clearly isn’t supportive of?”
“Does he plan to go to the wedding, eat their food, and not give them a dime?”
“Could he not let them stay at the cabin as a wedding gift?”
“Also OP mentions he pays to have the cabin maintained, he’d likely be paying that regardless if someone was staying there or not. How does someone staying there a few days impact him at all?”
“Son will go no contact after the wedding I’m betting.” ~ Repulsive-Sim
“It’s your son! For his honeymoon! You’re going to CHARGE YOUR SON?”
“Honestly, when you never hear from him, rarely see him, and have no relationship with any future potential grandchildren, I want you to remember this moment”
“- The moment when you typed all that out and found nothing wrong with charging your son to use your family cabin.”
“I wish you good luck, my friend, especially when you are much older and maybe need some help from your family.”
“Life is long, and the arc of the moral universe – as they say – bends toward justice.”
“(If you genuinely want to resolve this – apologize to your son, tell him you’d be happy to have him use the cabin, and that you know it would have made his mother happy to know he would be beginning his married life there).”
“ETA: Is your first name…Ebenezer?” ~ Straight-Singer-2912
Some had theories about why the mother was brought up.
“I wondered about that, too.”
“Seemed like an important detail that wasn’t explained. Why does the son mention his late mother?” ~ Knife-yWife-y
“I assumed because the only thing more AH than billing your son for the honeymoon in a cabin you weren’t renting out anyway is saying ‘well son, if your mom was still alive I might have gifted the stay because she insisted.'”
“‘But now as well as me disapproving of your fiancee and choices, you get to pay the ultimate Air BnB add-on fee.”‘
‘”Dead mom tax.”‘
‘”Because I hate you, I hate your fiancee and remember your mother is dead and missing the wedding and the milestones of your life I don’t give a sh*t about. Oh and cleaning fee is not included for crying on the bed linen.’”
“Like you can see his son basically asking ‘but dad, what would mom think?’ to try to appeal to OP over a marriage and honeymoon but OP is as cold as an unheated cabin in December emotionally.”
“The ‘I’m the sole owner now’ was icy AF.”
“Yeah, dude you own the whole cabin because you were widowed and your son lost his mom.”
“Talking like it updated your portfolio suggests OP does not do warm fuzzies unless sales tax is added.”
“He reminds me a bit of my dad who was still complaining last time I spoke to him that he had had to buy bottled water at a tourist price on vacation because I as a chronically ill child collapsed and the water was twice the price as the supermarket.”
“He had been griping about this ‘rip off’ I inflicted for 30 years when I noped out of contact.”
“That was shortly after he married his third wife for tax purposes and her mileage allowance and literally mentioned both in the vows but not in a joke fashion.” ~ IFeelMoiGerbil
The predictions also pointed out all the ways this will hurt OP.
“When you get old and need help to get around don’t be surprised if your son charges you for every single thing then says it’s not personal.” ~ dwotw
“OOOHHH dad, I’d love you to live in our in-law apartment, but the home we were going to put you in costs $3500 a month, so we’ll be expecting that.”
“Also, you must keep the heat below 60 and the AC above 85” ~ booksycat
Also, this interaction gives me joy.
You will soon be visited by 3 ghosts.~ lynypixie
“Oh, you KNOW the first thing he’s gonna do is try and get them charged for B&E 😂”
“‘We’re here to stop you from permanently ruining your relationship with your so-“‘
“‘Yes officer, three of them!”‘ ~ Dispositionate
I hope they’re all the kid’s mum in various degrees of spite. ~ satinsateensaltine
Money is not a relationship, it is a tool.
The sturdiness of the bonds we create relies entirely on our actions.
Make them count.