No matter the reason, divorce is never a pleasant experience for anyone involved.
Particularly when there are children involved, and arrangements need to be made as to who gets custody.
Regardless of the outcome, it is vitally important for divorced parents to put their differences aside, and make the happiness of their children a priority.
As knowing that they still have their parent’s love, even if they are no longer together, will help keep a semblance of normalcy which may have been taken away from them during the divorce.
Redditor KittenBox8 and their ex-husband had an agreement when it came to spending time with their children, one which the original poster (OP) refused to waiver from.
So much so, that the OP even refused to adjust their arrangement one bit so that their children could go on vacation with their father.
A decesion which was not appreciated by either the OP’s ex or their children.
Wondering if they were too harsh in their decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my kids go on vacation with my ex because it’s my time with them.”
The OP shared why they refused to budge when their ex-husband asked if they could switch the weeks they watch their children.
“So right now both of my kids, 16 year old son and 9 year old daughter, and my ex are extremely mad at me because I won’t give up my appointed time with them.”
“My son wont even talk to me and my daughter is crying all the time.”
“A little backstory.”
“Me and my ex divorced shortly after my daughter was born.”
“I blame him for it and he blames me.”
“I won’t go into detail here.”
“We ended up with a 50/50 custody agreement switching every other week.”
“While this was 8 years ago we’re still not on good terms.”
“We rarely ever talk to each other outside of the kids and I’m perfectly fine with that.”
“One thing we have agreed on since the beginning though is that we don’t plan things on days that aren’t ours.”
“And unless it’s extremely important we don’t ‘switch’ days or weeks.”
“In the 8 years since we’ve been divorced I have never asked him to have the kids on a day that isn’t mine and I’ve never given him one of my days even if he begged.”
“Well, last week my ex contacted me and told me the ‘good’ news.”
“His parents are hosting a week long family reunion in the summer at Disneyland and he want’s to take the kids.”
“Well, the problem is that it’s on one of my weeks.”
“He asked me to let the kids stay with him that week or to switch a week with me and I shot him down.”
“It’s my week with them and I get to spend it with them.”
“I told him if it’s so important to him to reschedule but he claims his parents can’t do that and this is the only week that the whole family can go and he told me that I need to ‘think of them’.”
“I told him ‘tough luck’ and hung up on him.”
“Well, this last Sunday when my ex dropped the kids off with me my son refused to talk to me at all and my daughter wouldn’t even look at me.”
“When I asked my ex what was wrong he refused to talk to me, only saying ‘ask them’ in a snarky tone before leaving.”
“When I asked my daughter what was wrong she burst into tears and said that I was ‘not letting daddy take them to Disneyland’.”
“Asking my son, who still refuses to talk to me, it turns out that my ex told them I was not letting them go to Disneyland with him.”
“He’s trying to paint me as the bad guy.”
“I sat both of them down last night to talk to them and explain it’s my week with them but they refused to listen to me.”
“My daughter just cried and my son told me I’m only doing this to get back at my ex.”
“I’m not though.”
“I think its unfair for him to do this when his parents scheduled it during my time with them.”
“I demanded an apology from my ex and him to set things straight but he refuses, and his last text to me being ‘can’t tell them the truth cause they already know it’.”
“I’m so pissed right now.”
“Am I the a**hole because my ex scheduled something during MY time with MY kids?”
“How is it my fault that I’m only using my right to spend time with them?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed she was the a**hole for refusing to let her children go to Disneyland with her ex.
Everyone agreed that the OP was being unreasonable, and should have simply switched weeks with her ex like he suggested.
“YTA.”
“Sorry to say but, people like you, who can’t act like adults and work conflicts out between themselves and their exes, are what keep people like me, divorce/family law attorneys, in business. I’d be out of a job pretty fast if people like you could act like damn adults and just compromise with each other instead of endlessly bickering and running to court every time the other person does something they don’t agree with.”
“Really?”
“ONE week?”
“You won’t swap ONE week with your ex so that your children can go on this trip that they obviously really want to go on?”
“It’s not like you’d be ‘losing’ parenting time, it sounds like your ex is willing to swap a week with you so that you come out having the same amount of parenting time on the other end.”
“You are doing this purely out of spite against your ex, and your children are the ones who get to suffer for it.”
“You ARE the bad guy.”
“How does it negatively impact you or inconvenience you in any way whatsoever to let your children take this trip and be flexible with adjusting your parenting time schedule accordingly?”
“You’re making your parenting time with your children about YOU rather than about THEM.”
“Think of your damn kids.”
“I don’t blame them for being pissed at you.”
“Keeping this kind of behavior up is a really good way to ensure that your kids will grow to f*cking hate and resent you as they get older.”
“Once they start getting into their mid/late teens and getting to the point where it’s difficult to tell them what to do or where to be anymore, I wouldn’t be surprised if they want to start spending more and more time with their dad rather than with you.”
“If they eventually cut contact with you, it shouldn’t be a huge mystery for you to figure out exactly why.”
“Start learning to compromise and be flexible and maybe you can correct yourself before it’s too late.”- Shazia_The_Proud
“YTA.”
“He offered to switch a week, and you refused.”
“You are punishing your kids because you want that week instead of other, and I see no sign about that particular week being specially important for you.”
“Therefore, I have to agree with your son.”
“Or do you have any other reason that I failed to understand?”- Swiollvfer
“YTA.”
“That doesn’t sound like something you’ve agreed on since the beginning.”
“What it sounds like is something that you’ve decided is a rule that you will make no exceptions for.”
“Your children are human beings with feelings.”
“Human beings with TWO parents. Human beings that you claim to love more than anything.”
“They are not pawns in your game of chess.”- theuserie
“YTA.”
“Who cares what the custody agreement is at this point.”
“He’s not trying to take them anywhere against their will on your time and to be honest your son at least is old enough where you should be allowing him to make these choices himself.”
“You’re being selfish and petty.”
“Just because it’s one of your appointed weeks shouldn’t get in the way of them having a great week with their dad and grandparents.”
“Stop being a selfish and controlling mother and let them go to Disneyland with their dad.”
“Take this opportunity to ask for an extra week at a later date.”
“I see he actually did offer to swap a week and you refused.”
“Wow.”
“Stop being so selfish, petty and entitled.”
“It sucks this sub won’t allow us to call you anything other than an a**hole.”
“Your kids are going to resent you when they’re older if this is the kinda shit you pull.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t already as you’ve probably done similar in the past.”
“Stop being the ‘Well the courts say it’s my time so it’s my right…blah blah blah’ a**hole of a mother.”
“Make exceptions for the benefit of your fucking children.”
“Who the f*ck cares if it adds up to 60/40 at the end of the year so long as your kids are happy.”
“At least your ex seems to be a good father.”
“Well at least you aren’t a hypocrite.”– Mac4491
“YTA.”
“You won’t compromise with him and switch days because you’ve never asked to change weeks with him?”
“How petty of you.”
“Even if you don’t have a good relationship with your ex think of the children, the only person you’re really hurting from not letting them go is them which they’re completely innocent from.”
“Stop being selfish and let them go.”- love2bme
It’s pretty hard to fathom how the OP didn’t think their children would be angry at them for refusing to allow them to go on vacation with their father.
Let alone at Disneyland.
One can only hope that next time something like this happens, the OP will think of the happiness of their children before their own, personal convenience.