People say that having kids means you’re worried about them for the rest of your life.
So, it helps when you at least know their whereabouts most of the time.
Redditor popinpobopian encountered this very issue with their mother. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my mother for taking my baby for a walk without telling anyone?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This happened today and has caused quite a rift in the family. My wife and I are visiting my mother for a few weeks. We had a baby ten months ago and because of Covid my mom (baby’s grandmother) hasn’t been able to see our baby until now.”
“So this afternoon my mom is watching our daughter upstairs, playing laughing having a great time while my wife and I are downstairs on a phone call.”
“We finish the phone call and notice that we no longer hear our baby or my mother upstairs playing. I walk upstairs and they’re not in the living room. I check the backyard, not there either”
“Then I notice that the front door is wide open. So I figure maybe they’re in the front yard. Nope, not there either.”
OP started to freak out.
“I go get my wife and tell her I don’t know where our baby is. We proceed to check the garage, all bedrooms, backyard again, bathrooms. All over the yard. Everywhere.”
“No baby. No grandma. The stroller is still out front so it doesn’t seem like they went for a walk.”
“At this point my wife and I are getting worried so we start walking down the street yelling my moms name. Knock on a few neighbors doors. Nothing. Still can’t find them.”
“Finally after about half an hour of us running around the neighborhood in a panic my mom comes walking up the road from a couple blocks away.”
OP’s mom was acting like nothing happened.
“We asked her where she went and she replies ‘oh I just went to visit the neighbors up the road.’”
“At this point I got rather upset and told her that she should’ve told us before walking out with our baby. She replied that we were attacking her and that it’s her right as a grandmother to go for a walk with her granddaughter if she wants to.”
“I tried to explain to her that yes walking to the neighbors is fine, but you can’t just walk away with someone’s baby and not tell them. That’s never ok under any circumstances in my opinion.”
“Now it’s turned into a whole thing where part of my family agrees with my wife and I and the other half is calling us to tell us what horrible people we are for getting mad at my mom because she was just doing ‘grandma things.’”
“So, since my family is divided I turn to you Reddit. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. You didn’t get mad at her for doing grandma things.”
“You got mad at her for needlessly creating a scenario where it was ambiguous as to whether or not you and your wife needed to be concerned about your infant child’s safety.”
“All she needed to do was apologize and promise to do a better job communicating in the future, but she went a different way.”
“Sorry you’re having to deal with this.” ~ StayingVeryVeryCalm
“Explain to her that by not telling you two where your child was, you were put in an impossible situation of either having to call the cops on your own mother or assume that the child was safe and thereby if the worst HAD happened, that some of the most vital minutes to find your child would be wasted waiting for grandma to potentially never come back with the kid.” ~ Weirdbirdnerd
“Not to mention the grandma left the door open so it looked even worse! Also if I were OP, because she doesn’t understand reasonable boundaries I would refuse letting her see the kid again unsupervised until the kid is old enough for a phone.” ~ SpunkyRadcat
“I would have packed up and left that minute.”
“Why didn’t they call the police? They have no idea if their child got out the door and is wandering alone while grandma did whatever.”
“For 30 minutes.”
“No way would I have waited 30 mins to call the police, that’s a long time to wait when you have a missing kid. I sure wouldn’t stick around so she could do it again. NTA for blaming her, Y T A for not calling the cops.” ~ CJSinTX
OP was just being a concerned parent.
“Also, setting boundaries now will serve you well throughout parenthood, OP. Don’t let her really think she has a ‘right’ to do whatever she wants with your child, even if she thinks it’s innocent and harmless.” ~ the_mountaintop
“She has ZERO rights to do anything with your baby.”
“She knew what she was doing and probably enjoyed the drama. This would be an immediate low contact situation until she apologizes. I am absolutely positive that those thinking you are the AH were not told the correct story.”
“I’m sure she played the victim as she did when you caught her and claimed you were attacking her. Make sure to set the record straight that it wasn’t just a few feet away and it wasn’t just for a few minutes.” ~ babcock27
“I mean, all on it’s own leaving someone’s front door wide open when you leave their house makes you an a**hole.”
“Taking someone’s kid with you while leaving the front door open makes you a bigger asshole because then it looks like kidnapping.”
“But if you ever take someone’s kid anywhere the least you can do is leave a note. I wouldn’t be comfortable with ANY of my kids grandparents (more than four) taking my kid anywhere without their cell phone so I can call and check in. And so they can call me if there is an emergency.”
“I feel like that is pretty standard these days – pretty much every babysitter is expected to have a cell phone on them when leaving the house.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
OP’s mom needs to respect their rules and boundaries.