A person’s bedroom is meant to be a sacred space.
Many people get so little in life.
That little piece of peace can mean everything.
So “stay out” can be a meaningful term.
Case in point…
Redditor thebluedot02 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not allowing my disabled foster brother in my room?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me (20 F[emale]) and my family have been foster caters for about 9ish years now.”
“In that time we have looked after three children, our current kid being with us almost 7 years.”
“When he joined our family he was only 6 months old and at the time we had no idea what he would be like in the future.”
“After a few years we started to learn that his needs where a lot more complicated then we first thought.”
“We learned he has global development delay, autism and well as half of his brain not being connected.”
“As a family we have worked to over come all the issues which he faces.”
“This includes helping him learn to walk.”
“Something the doctors said he would never do and learn how to eat by him self something he is still working on.”
“I can honestly say I love him.”
“He is the annoying little brother in my life and I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“But I struggle with him entering my personal space… i.e my bedroom.”
“When we started fostering I made it clear with my parents that my room was my personal space to relax and be myself.”
“And they agreed that my room would be off limits to my foster sibling unless I allowed them in.”
“Obviously due to my current foster brother needs we can’t explain this to him.”
“And even if we did sadly he could never understand.”
“So recently there has been a-lot of times when he comes into my room when I honestly don’t want him to.”
“At first it was fine.”
“However as he has gotten older and stronger he is staring to break my stuff.”
“He doesn’t mean to but either way it’s still very annoying.”
“I have asked my parents many times to stop him from going in my room.”
“But they think I am being cruel as he doesn’t understand what is going on.”
“There have been times when I have come back and found my room in a mess with my laptop on the floor where they have clearly allowed him in.”
“Every time I ask them to keep him out my room they roll their eyes and say it’s my fault if I don’t close my door properly.”
“Or some other excuse blaming me and making me look like the bad guy.”
“There has even been times my dad has opened the door to let him in.”
“After me and dad have had arguments.”
“I honestly don’t know what to do.”
“And if I am being the a**hole or not.”
“So my real question to everyone is… what would you do if you where me?
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, and it could have gone the other way until I saw that your dad has weaponized your foster brother’s disability by letting him in your room after an argument.”
“Nope, nope, nope.” ~ Angie-Shopper1983
“Your dad is not only being cruel to you, but being cruel to your foster brother by turning him unwittingly into a tool to punish you for arguing with your dad.”
“That’s not okay.”
“Put a lock on the door of your room and make it clear that this is not negotiable.”
“What is your financial status?”
“Are you in a position to move out if you don’t like the way things are at home?”
“If not, get a job that will allow you to.”
“You don’t necessarily have to do it, but you do have to make sure your parents know that you will not stay in a house where you don’t have the right to lock the door to protect your own stuff.” ~ VoyagerVII
“He can’t help but your parents can.”
“People with this type of disability may need the rules to be said more repetitively.”
“If there’s one thing that’s cruel to autistic people, it’s automatically assuming that they aren’t capable of learning to behave well.”
“And it’s also cruel of you to say that your things can be destroyed just because he is deficient.”
“From your update, maybe your mother is easier to understand.”
“Talk to her about having conversations like, ‘Hey brother, I know you like to spend time with me, but when I get home from work I want to rest and I like to have my room to myself to do my own thing.'”
“‘Like when you want to do (insert his interest) alone.'”
“‘How about we both arrange to watch an episode of that show that we both like after dinner?'”
“When he comes into your room while you’re gone, your mother can say: ‘Honey, you know that your sister’s room is a space that she likes to have just for herself, just like you like have yours just for you.'”
“If you feel the same, you can treat each other the same, when your sister gets home knock on the door and ask permission to enter, and ask her to do the same as you.” ~ cap05gd
“NTA. It’s OK to want your personal space respected.”
“Siblings shouldn’t go in other sibling’s rooms unless invited.”
“What would I do if I was you?”
“I’d lock my bedroom door.”
“Most bedrooms have the locks that you can push with a pin to open, but that’s probably enough to signal to your brother that he shouldn’t go in.” ~ _mmiggs_
“NTA…”
“- He breaks things in your room…”
“- Your parents are making excuses for your brother…”
“- I believe that individual rooms (especially for kids) should be a private place to relax…”
“It’s annoying to have siblings come in and invade your space.” ~ luvduvbunny
“NTA. Can you move out.”
“You need your own space without any siblings disabled or not.” ~ DarKMuraudeR
“NTA. Your personal space is yours.”
“I would buy a lockable knob if you don’t already have one and install it yourself.”
“You’re not being dramatic in the least!”
“You have your right to privacy and it’s sad they don’t want to respect it.”
“The potential damage to your laptop and other expensive items is further reason to make sure he stays out.”
“And even though he has developmental issues, there are ways that rules and boundaries can be established.”
“If your parents don’t know how to do that with him and his particular issues, there are therapists and specialists who may be able to help.”
“It’s actually really important for him to learn these things because as he gets older, it could lead to some very sticky situations with strangers.” ~ lrk786
“Being it up to the foster care social worker when they come over, in front of your parents.”
“Ask them for advice on door locks, how to re- direct your foster bother, ideas to help your parents, etc.”
“Looks like you’re trying to help, but totally embarrasses your parents and bringing their short- comings to light. NTA.” ~ Necessary-Essay9932
“NTA – Especially your dad using your brother as a guided missile after an argument?”
“What the heck?”
“That’s terrible for him to do to you and your brother.”
“Does your door have a lock?”
“There are also baby/pet gates that extend the entire length of a door, though that would set you back around $500.”
“But I think it’d be something for you and your parents to invest in, you deserve to have a private space and he deserves to be taught, as much as possible, about boundaries and respecting that.”
“Maybe that will be out of his capabilities of understanding, I don’t know, or maybe it’ll just take him a little longer to learn.”
“The only thing that will guarantee he never learns is if your parents refuse to try.” ~ CrimsonKnight_004
OP came back with some deets…
“Thank you to everyone who has commented and given me advise I am grateful to all of you!”
“I have spoken to my mum this morning and explained if things continue I will get a lock on my door.”
“Once again she rolled her eyes and called me dramatic.”
“But this time I asked her how she would feel if she didn’t have her own private space.”
“And how I need that.”
“I work full time and the time I get for my own freedom is sacred.”
“She instead came up with the idea of a stairs gate which could go across my door to prevent him from entering.”
“This could be a good idea and would to keep my room ventilated.”
“She also said that if I want this I must speak with my dad about this as he would have to install it and he might not be happy with this option.”
“I will keep you guys updated after I have spoken to my dad.”
Well OP, Reddit understands your frustration.
You have to have your space.
And your brother has to learn.
Hopefully you all can come to a peaceful conclusion.