When someone does something that really bothers you – or does wrong by you – the first thought in your mind is usually “how can I get back at them?”
Personally, my mom always taught me that karma will get people back who do you wrong – but, my dad told me that revenge is best served cold. So, I’ve definitely done my fair share of petty things to people. But, some of the people of Reddit have me beat. When asked what the best revenge they’ve ever gotten was – they f*cking delivered.
My Ex cheated with a married man. He now lives with her. He is a POS.. but anyway, I still have login for her DVR. I logged in, erased all her shows, then recorded only the show “Cheaters.” Petty, but it makes me laugh.
This happened a while back, study hall in 8th grade actually. I always brought two small sandwiches to school so I could have one at lunch and one in study hall since our teacher let us eat in that class. One day as I was about to eat my Sandwich, I get up to use the bathroom. As I walk back in the classroom, I see the kid in front of me eating my sandwich. I was pretty annoyed but nothing serious at this point, so I confront him politely and he denies it completely.
I left my sandwich on my desk the next day just to make sure it was him, and what do you know, it is. So on the third day, I hatched a plan. I put habanero cheese on my sandwich, and then doused it all in ghost pepper sauce. That shit was everywhere, but it luckily didn’t smell spicy. I get to study hall and my plan works flawlessly. I leave my trap sandwich on my desk and get up to use the restroom.
This time I take as long as I can, and end up wandering the halls of the school. I did this because my study hall teacher was anal about the hall pass, and only one guy was allowed to leave the class at a time, even for water. After about ten minutes I come back into the class to be greeted by the sandwich thief crying hysterically with a bright red face waiting for the hall pass. He was in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
A guy at work pissed me off. I placed this Craigslist ad with his phone number. 2 free goats. Hablas espanol.
He spent the rest of the day getting calls every 15 minutes or so.
On every email I send, I attach my name, company, position, etc. ALL the time people will respond “Thank you Sara”….but my name is spelled with the “H”. I have started to reply to them leaving off a letter of their name. “No problem Rene” “Have a good day Jon”. They probably think I am an idiot, but it is worth it to me.
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic ass lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don’t know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces.
So, after three bouts of this, and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box, emptied the contents (a gigantic sandwich, a Twinkie, chips, some vegetable pieces, and a few other bits), and ran over them with my car. I carefully packed it back in, and put it back.
He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
I was in a big meeting (50 managers/supervisors) and two high level guys made fun of my car (Subaru Outback) in their presentation. I had access to their personal info (phone #, address, emails) and sent it to the Subaru sales group, asking for a test drive/quotes/etc. They got spammed pretty well for a while.
So I was an AP kid, and had a bunch of AP friends, and also was in sports and theater. I had a large bunch of friends in nearly every cliche.
Anyway. One day, one of my friends gets sucker punched in the halls by some dickwad. Becuase of the school’s zero tolerance policy, getting sucker punched carries the same punishment as sucker punching. So my friend and the dickwad both got in school suspension, but only one of them was punched on the face.
I thought that was a litte bit unfair.
So I got my friends together, and they got their friends together, and every week, one of us would sucker punch dickwad. Every week, one of us would have ISS, and so would dickwad, but since we are many, none of us went to ISS twice.
Dickwad on the other hand missed so much class, that he had to retake the grade.
There was a guy in my office who was highly suspected of eating from people’s lunches. He made good money, and could easily afford to buy something, but he was cheap as fuck. One day my sandwich was gone…..it was a prime rib sandwich with whole grain mustard. I had a good idea it was him, so I checked out his cubicle. Sure enough in the garbage can was some plastic wrap with just a few grains of mustard and the tiniest piece of roast beef. CAUGHT!!!
There was a Justin Bieber concert in our city a few days away and another one fairly close by a few nights later. I flew into action. I took out multiple ads from my phone in several cities on Kijiji, Craigslist and several other sites saying I had two tickets to give away at cost. I put in his company email address and work number as the contact info, and said to call in and ask for “Scotty Too Hotty” with your best Justin Bieber fan story to get the tickets.
Almost immediately the company phones started lighting up with teenage girls, or their mothers and fathers, calling in for “Scotty Too Hotty”. We must have had like 100 calls in the first hour alone. I could hear him telling people, “I don’t have ANY tickets to ANY show!” and absolutely freaking out on every caller. Soon the manager called him into his office because of all the calls…..everyone in the company of 35 people knew about them.
He came out of the manager’s office and said to everyone, “Whoever is playing this joke on me, PLEASE make it stop”. I knew if I did anything, people would know it was me, so I let it continue. The calls and emails kept coming in all day until I deleted the ads from my phone on the way home.
Never fuck with a man’s sandwich.
I once had a colleague I hated (he was very condescending and really arrogant), so I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse and kept the mouse in my drawer. I would just open my drawer and it would fuck his shit right up. Kept it going for like 2 months. He was about to murder the world when I thought I better stop.
We had a guy in our office take a crap in the bathroom every day after lunch and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn’t listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork so 5 minutes before he went in I took all the toilet paper…. that’s right. I forced the man to live with a dirty ass.
In college (early 1990’s), I lived with several guys in a suite. One liked to call me “chunky A”, yes, I was chubby (I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am continue to lose more). I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more.
I proceeded to call up every info-merrical I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), Tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, had information sent to him about adult bed wetting, etc.
He accused me of it, and I told him, why would I do such a thing to him? I kept it up for 2 years while he lived in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off campus place. I found out where he lived and I waited a couple of months and started it all over again.
Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail.
When I was a kid I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch “Handbook” – it was full of kiddie experiemtns and stuff and was pretty fun.
My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the ‘tricks’ from the book, you fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, put some tinfoil on top of the cup, the kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil.
I put it under her bed, it takes a few days to “work”, so I completely forgot about it, until one night I woke up to my two sisters whispering – it had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.
We were sitting by a pool once, and a woman stood over my wife and started spraying sunscreen all over herself – and my wife. We asked her nicely to please move and she ignored us and kept spraying. When we left, I took one of her flip flops with me.
As a nurse, we had this god awful patient, who made all our lives hell. Needed pain meds on the dot, needed to smoke every half hour, sat on the call light all damn day. This person was possibly the rudest human being I’ve ever met. Treated us like slaves, and was drug seeking.
It finally came time for discharge, and this patient decided to come up with a whole bunch of new medical problems. ” I have chest pain! I have nausea! One side of my body feels numb!” So, being the very skilled and rational nurse I am, I asked the doctor for a whole new set of orders. First, I asked for lab draws every 3 hrs (meaning needles every three hours) to check cardiac markers. Then I asked that the pt be placed on NPO status (nothing by mouth) for the nausea. This person couldn’t go an hour without eating something.
For the numbness, I requested the pt be placed on strict bedrest for 24 hrs, and then have a physical therapy eval ordered (which meant no more going downstairs to smoke). I explained this all to the patient, and he says ” Shit! I Just wanted to stay another night. I ain’t doing any of that! I feel fine, just give me my damn papers!” Talked it over with the doctor on call, he gave me the all clear to discharge, and I had him out the door in an hour.
A guy owed me money, but I wasn’t immediately worried because we had done transactions before. This was a transaction via USPS. He started dodging me, ignoring calls and messages and all, but stayed active on Facebook (just ignoring me and deleting my comments and posts).
After three months, getting progressively more impatient, I had had enough. I got the notification to approve him as a member of a Facebook group I’m in.
I approved him, then made a big post in the group putting him on blast for it, tag and everything. I then added his mom and sister on Facebook and sent them messages. Mind you, the guy is in his thirties.
He messaged me about it, and things are getting resolved. If it slips again, however, I’m calling his work. Working for Amazon and committing mail fraud probably don’t go well together.
Ok this one is pretty gross.. but growing up in a house of only girls, personal space does not exist. We used to bathe in front of each other, and even use the bathroom in front of each other. There are no boundaries. My younger sister was notorious for shaving in the tub and not rinsing it out when she was done. Pubes. Everywhere. One day she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to fuck off. So I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of pubes, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.
I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the prof told me tough luck. Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and began giving him edited versions.
I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things or just straight up write stuff that makes no sense.
An example of the crap I would put in: To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Echer’s factorial (4.22).
If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him.
He retook that class.
I put glitter in my friend’s laundry in university. He had pranked me the week before, and a week later was doing all his laundry at once. I went and got some glitter from the craft store, and put half a vial into each of his loads of laundry. He was fabulous for months afterwards.
In 3rd grade I was falsely accused by the hall monitor of talking during quiet time. Even after my dad came in and talked to the teacher she still punished me by keeping me from watching a movie and eating the cinnamon bread with everyone else. So the day before the class watched the movie and ate snacks, I unplugged the breadmakers right before we left school so no one would get any. I figured if I can’t have it, no one can.
A drunk guy harassed me on the tube one night in my way home. About two mins after his last “fucking stuck up bitch” he fell asleep. Deeply asleep. So I took out my lipstick (gorgeous coral colour) and drew all over his face. Yes, I may also have been drunk. I think I was trying to read my book with one eye closed to help me focus… yep. So I got off at Acton, and watched him snooze away down the Heathrow branch. Arsehole. I hope he woke up with lipstick all over his pillowcase and a pissed off missus.
I had a “friend” in HS that was a complete ass. Never did anything, just barely passed thanks to people who felt sorry for him. (Me included)
I once got a punishment test cuz I kept interrupting the teacher, got placed in first row, next to that guy. I asked him to help me, cuz History was literally the only thing he has good at, and he just said “You got yourself into this, you deserve that F” Yea, I got an F.
Well, during our last week our Computer Science teacher told him that if he doesn’t finish writing a programme in the 3 days that were left, he would fail him. That asshole thought it was a good idea to ask me. I gladly accepted.
The main goal was to make a programme that would calculate some things based on the input, pretty standnard. Well, I just made it look really pretty and added all the textboxes necessary, didn’t make it do what it’s supposed to.
When you click the button that says ‘calculate’ a popup window with his picture from facebook (i found a really ugly one he was tagged in, really had to dig deep) comes up. Under it was just one sentence “I’m a lazy asshole and I can’t do anything on my own”
The teacher failed him and I’m still happy about this.
My daughters school have their names on pegs to hang coats up. Sometimes when I drop her off another parent or carer hung their coat and bag on her peg. I could tell the teacher, but I’m a grown ass man. Being a grown ass man and having endured people hiding my shit through my school life and not particularly liking it, I drop that shit on the floor and hang my kids stuff where it belongs. It’s not mature and I’m not proud of it but if the parents have a problem they can go fuck themselves and tell whoever gives enough fucks to listen. Hang your shit on the right peg, don’t touch my kids space.
One of my roommates always used to use our shampoo, and this went on for months. We could always tell because the shower would smell of different shampoo from time to time whenever he used the shower.
So one day instead of usual shampoo we mixed in rotten milk and the usual shampoo in a bottle and left it in the shower. Needless to say he wasn’t very happy about it and we all (minus him) had a good laugh.
When I was 17, my first love dumped me for a friend of mine. That friend continued to unceremoniously dump all the rest of our friends too, by spreading rumors about them. No one was happy with this bitch (who will be now referred to as simply “Bitch”). Not only that, but allegedly, Bitch had a pattern of this behavior. The last group of friends she had before us, she claimed alienated her for no reason. In fact, Bitch had done the same exact thing to them.
One night, I was out of town with my parents having my car fixed. I got a call from my best friend (lets call her BFFF) saying “We’re exacting revenge. You should not be in on it because you’d be the obvious suspect. Will update later click“.
Basically, BFFF teamed up with the two Jackass-wannabes of our class. They went to a grocery store and bought cans of tuna and mayo, which they mixed in plastic sandwich bags, undrained. These tuna bombs were then launched at Bitch’s car, in the middle of the night. From what we were told, the mess in the morning had to be removed with an ice pick because alas, it was the dead of winter, and her car never smelled the same again after that. But I wouldn’t know anything about that. I was out of town having my car fixed.