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Pregnant Mom Mad After Husband Tells Daughter She Doesn’t Have To Be Excited For New Baby

A daughter whispers in her dad's ear

Becoming a sibling is a life changing experience.

It can be a great idea from the start for many.

Or it can be the worst thing ever.

It’s especially tricky to navigate when you’re a kid.

It’s all emotional.

Case in point…

Redditor mister_funnyguy wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my daughter she doesn’t have to be excited for her new sibling?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (M[ale] 30) have a daughter (6) from a previous relationship.”

“Her mom we’ll call ‘J’ (F[emale] 29) and I separated/divorced when our daughter was 2.”

“We have custody split 50/50 which works pretty well.”

“J got remarried about a year ago and is currently about 30 weeks pregnant.”

“She has made this pregnancy a big deal especially because she got pregnant and ended up having a miscarriage at 11 weeks.”

“I understand how difficult a miscarriage would be even though I’ve never experienced that loss.”

“4 days ago J dropped our daughter off and I could tell the daughter was upset so I asked what was wrong.”

“My daughter was saying how J and everyone always talks about the baby and it makes her sad that J doesn’t care about her anymore.”

“I told her J still loves and cares about her.”

“I explained how everyone got excited like a party when babies are born and how it was the same way when she was born.”

“She said she was not excited.”

“I told her it was okay to not be excited right now and it was going to be a big change because she’ll be a big sister.”

“I reminded her that she’ll have to teach the baby how to be a good kid.”

“And that’s a big job, but you’ll have so much fun and the baby is going to love her so much for teaching them and will want to be just like her and that made her feel better.”

“We had fun the rest of the time we were together.”

“Yesterday J came to pick her up and my daughter said Daddy said I don’t have to be excited for the new baby.”

“She also tried saying how I said how she’ll have a big job as the baby’s big sister.”

“But J instantly got mad and called me an AH for not encouraging our daughter to be excited about her new sibling.”

“I don’t think what I said was wrong.”

“I just told our daughter her feelings are valid and I tried to make her excited for the baby by explaining her new role as the big sister.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was not the A**hole.

“You’re being a good dad by validating your daughter’s feelings about this.”

“My son was 5 when his sister was born and he went back and forth between being excited and being annoyed while I was pregnant.”

“We just reminded him that we still loved him, it’s okay to not be excited about the baby sometimes, and being a big brother will have it’s ups and downs.”

“You’ll need to be extra mindful of these emotions and this dynamic once the baby comes.”

“My son asked if we could return his sister at about two weeks old.”

“We said no, but babies are exhausting and we know it isn’t always fun.”

“If your ex reacted this way about her not being excited I imagine she’ll have an equally bad reaction to that sort of question.” ~ accioqueso

“I totally remember going back and forth about my feelings when my mom was pregnant with my brother.”

“I was happy to have a new sibling then I wasn’t because my mom was tired more often and didn’t have as much energy to play with me.”

“Then I got excited again helping set up the new bedroom, then I was back to being mad that I was the baby anymore and didn’t like that I had new ‘responsibilities.'”

“I was 4/5 at the time.”

“Emotions are hard when you are little.”

“Children love routines and a baby changes that.”

“The encouragement that OP gave the daughter sounded like a perfect way to explain the change to a young kid and to validate her feelings at the same time.”  ~ OctoberFeather

“There’s a 7 year age gap between me and my younger sibling, I think you are approaching this the right way.”

“It is okay not to be excited, and more than that it’s important for her mom and her sister’s dad to make her feel special in this.”

“Becoming a big sister is an amazing thing, but not if she feels neglected or any less loved.”

“She needs the reassurance you gave her.”

“My parents did really well in this regard.”

“I was allowed a day off school and I got to go and with our neighbour and pick out a new toy as a present from the baby to say thank you in advance for being such a good big sister haha it was very cute.”

“And then luckily my dad was able to take time off work to help with the newborn but also he started getting me to school in the mornings so I got a new special daddy daughter time.”

“And they explained well in advance that they wouldn’t love either of us more or less it just had to be different because I was a big girl and babies can’t do anything for themselves.”

“And they also told me that as long as I loved the baby it was okay if I didn’t always like the baby.”

“Which I think is kind of what your daughter is going through right now.”  ~ Anxious_Reporter_601

“NTA. J is obviously ignoring your daughter and is focusing on her new baby.”

“Of course your daughter doesn’t have to be excited for the baby.”  ~ anonymouslittledaisy

OP responded…

“Yeah I also think J has been pushing her to be more excited.”

“But she’s 6 and all the attention is getting focused solely on the new baby which isn’t going to make her more excited in her mind.”

“She probably thinks this lack of attention is going to last forever.”

Reddit continued…

“She also probably worries that your attention is going to stay focused on your ‘new family’ and possibly exclude her – and J’s behavior at the moment certainly isn’t helping.”

“You absolutely need to make sure that J doesn’t alienate your daughter for having the ‘wrong’ feelings about becoming a big sister.”

“J needs to recognize that it’s completely normal for soon-to-be older siblings to have mixed feelings about getting a new sibling.”

“And that your daughter does not need to be ‘encouraged’ (read: forced) to act as excited as J clearly is.”

“The last thing you want is for your daughter to feel like she can’t say how she really feels at your house.”  ~ FeuerroteZora

“What you said to your daughter is really similar to my favorite scene from the book Beezus and Ramona.”

“Ramona, the younger sister, has been up to shenanigans and her big sister Beezus is frustrated about it.”

“She confesses to her mother that she doesn’t like Ramona all the time.”

“Her mother tells her that’s normal.”

“Sometimes having a sibling is hard and you’re not always going to like it.”

“What’s important is that you treat each other kindly and try to love each other even when it’s hard to like each other.”

“This was a top tier parent conversation, OP.”

“You did good, and you taught your daughter that her feelings and concerns are important to you and you won’t judge her for them.”

“She’s going to remember that as she grows up and she’ll know she can come to you when she needs support.”  ~ readthethings13579

“NTA. But, OP, you and your wife need to make some serious changes if you want your daughter to like this baby.”

“First of all, your wife needs to adjust how she’s talking and make your daughter feel important.”


“A) got gifts for our kids “from the baby,”

“B) told all family members they needed to focus on the older sibling first, before going to the baby,”

“C) got our children baby dolls to help ‘take care of’ to prep for the baby and made a huge show of how amazing they were with their babies,”

“D) had our kids pick out a gift for the baby since the baby had gotten them a gift, and then had a gift from the baby at the hospital.”

“Our kids LOVED their siblings.”

“If I was nursing the baby, or whatever, and the older kid asked for a fruit snack.”

“I’d say no, then stop and ‘listen’ to the baby and say, ‘the baby wants you to have one for being such a greater older brother.'”

“They’d run up and kiss the baby and run off. It was super cute!”  ~ crystallz2000

“NTA. Your daughter had concerns and you validated her feelings while also setting a model for her behavior going forward.”

“She’s 6, of course this is going to be a big event in her life, and she’s not going to know how to feel.”

“She needs to be reassured that she’ll be loved and allowed to meet her sibling on her own terms.”  ~ TinyRascalSaurus

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

Sounds like you’re being the best dad possible.

Hopefully you’re daughter will be the best big sis ever.