A birth plan is just one of the many cogs in the wheel for an expectant mother.
Redditor Specator9 is ready for her first baby, but her mother-in-law has lots of opinions about where she’s chosen to give birth.
This disagreement has caused the Original Poster (OP) to question whether or not she wants her MIL in the delivery room.
Her confusion drove her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“WIBTA for kicking my MIL out of the delivery room?”
She went on to explain.
“My husband [33-year-old Male)] and I [30-year-old Female] are expecting our first baby. After weighing all of our options, my husband and I decided on a natural birth at a birthing center.”
“This is something I felt strongly about and although my husband was at first nervous about, but he agreed and has grown to feel more comfortable with the idea as my pregnancy has progressed.”
“My entire pregnancy my MIL has questioned this decision. She never fails to “gently warn” me if the risks of this decision.”
“I continue to tell her this is what feels right to me and try to educate her on the subject, but she has held strong that she disagrees with my choice.”
“She has always been respectful about it, but I have grown rather irritated over the last 9 months that she will not let it go.”
“I’ve asked my husband to talk to her about it and he has tried, but because she is doing it “out of concern” she doesn’t see that the constant conversation over my birth plan is exhausting.”
“I have decided that I want only my husband in the room with me when I give birth, but want to have my mom there for some time while I’m laboring, and then waiting in the waiting area to meet the baby once she is born.”
“I would love to have my MIL to do the same, but as my due date gets closer I am leaning toward not having her.”
“I don’t want to be in labor hearing about how my pain could be avoided if I were in a hospital with an epidural, or any other “negative” comments about my choices during my labor/delivery.”
“My husband feels that if I don’t have my MIL there I should also not have my mom there and they can both just wait in the waiting area, as having my mom be able to come in while I’m in labor and not my MIL would hurt her feelings.”
“I don’t think I should have to not have my mom there because my MIL can’t get on board with how I am choosing to have my baby.”
“At this point, I can go into labor any day now so I have to make a decision.”
“WIBTA if I didn’t have my MIL in the room, but did have my mom?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA.”
“You’re the one in labor. What anybody else wants – including hubby – is secondary.”
“If you want to deny MIL while live streaming the event to Eastern Europe just to spite her, that’s your call. Momma gets what momma wants on this day more than any other day in her life.” – Sooner70
“NTA”
“A natural consequence of constantly undermining and critiquing someone’s reasonable birthing plan is that you won’t be invited to the hospital.”
“You don’t have to be “fair,” the priority is to ensure you’re safe and comfortable.” – madelinegumbo
“NTA”
“The person giving birth is the person who gets to decide who is in the delivery room.”
“Childbirth isn’t a spectator sport and nobody has a “right” to be present, not even the other parent.”
“Everyone needs to realize that this is not about the baby, it’s about YOU going through one of the most amazing, frightening, painful, vulnerable experiences possible.”
“If your husband wants his mom there for his next colonoscopy, that’s up to him.” – rapt2right
“NTA”
“Your mom is your mom.”
“Your husband is not the one giving birth – going through physically possibly the most intense thing you will ever go through – so he doesn’t need his mom and you’ve been clear you really don’t need his mom”
“I don’t even understand why he wants her watching you deal with contractions?”
“You get to choose who can be with you period.” – Alittlemode
“‘Your husband is not the one giving birth’”
“Yeah, the big AH of this story is not the MIL, but the husband who thinks that he is equally participating in giving birth even though he’ll feel no pain, be in no danger of death, and his bloodstream and stress hormones will at no time be shared with the fetus.”
“The actual patient is the priority.” – RequirementQuirky468
“FFS [for f*cks sake] NTA – WHY would your MIL be IN the delivery room???”
“OMG what a horrible intrusion in a hugely personal moment! Is your OH [other half] insane??? Definitely NTA!” – Hefty_Drawing3357
“NTA – it is YOUR DECISION who to have in the room. Honestly I’m disappointed at your husband for not being supportive of you. You are about to go under a huge medical trauma.”
“You are about to be exposed, vulnerable, and scared. YOU get too chose EVERYTHING about how you do this and your husband should do some reflection here on what matters.”
“His MILs ego – or you feeling as safe and comfortable as possible while you are undergoing medical trauma” – whereisthetvchanger
“NTA. Make sure to tell the staff there that your MIL is not allowed in the waiting room or in your room, and that she is not allowed to be there at all.”
“If your husband objects, explain that if he is willing to strip naked and squeeze a watermelon out of his behind for 16 hours in front of your mother, once he does that, you’ll allow his mother in the waiting room.”
“Until then, he doesn’t get a say in who is and is not there.” – BeBrave920
“NTA.”
“‘My husband feels that if I don’t have my MIL there I should also not have my mom there’”
“I mean, this is polite, but it’s not the same. Regardless of supporting your choices, having your own mother there is probably a great comfort to you.”
“That’s YOUR mom while YOU are giving birth.”
“It’d be like wanting your lifelong best friend in the room and your hubby saying, ‘Hey, since you get your BFF in the labor room can I have my BFF Todd there, also?’ It’s just not the same.”
“I’m not saying this isn’t a big moment for your husband, either. Or a big moment for both grandma. But ultimately, you’re the host of this little party and you get to decide who to invite.”
“And while I have never given birth, I’ve had many friends tell me horror stories of caving to similar pressures and making the environment much more stressful than it needed to be.”
“Since you’ve already decided on a natural birth, the last thing you need is your MIL yelling ‘I TOLD YOU SO’ over your screams of pain.”
“She’ll still be a grandma in the waiting room.” – echoCashMeOusside
“NTA”
“When your MIL pushes out a kid she can choose to have anyone she wants in room, but when its your body, who is or isn’t there is your choice and not your MIL and not your husbands.”
“Your MIL can’t help you better than any hospital staff in any way. If your husband gets upset he can stay out of the room too.”
“And make sure you tell the hospital staff that only your husband and NO ONE ELSE, especially your MIL, from your family is allowed in the delivery room.”
“It won’t be their first rodeo dealing with unwanted, pushy, extended family.” – HarveySnake
“NTA”
“‘My husband feels that if I don’t have my MIL there I should also not have my mom there’”
“F*cking excuse me?”
“You aren’t a toy MIL and your mother need to share. You are a person, and it is your call who to have there to support you while you labor.”
“It is also understandable why you don’t want someone there who has questioned every d*mn decision you’ve made; that’s not support, no matter how often they say they are concerned.”
“Concern isn’t a pass to stop respecting someone.”
“Her behavior isn’t respectful, no matter how kind she may try to sound about her disagreement.”
“And your labor is not a place to invite someone who has been fighting everyone of your decisions.”
“Even without that it’s reasonable to not want your MIL with you but want your mom.”
“Hell I wanted my mom when I was just having a regular surgery.”
“It’s your mom. (Why is your husband placing his mother’s feelings here over yours, his wife and the person giving birth?)” – Kettlewise
“NTA It’s not common to have a MIL in the delivery room anyway, especially one that is prone to making snide remarks.”
“On the other hand, it’s very natural to have your mom (you know, the person who birthed and supported you your entire life) with you.”
“I have a feeling your MIL will be making more comments “out of concern” when it comes to what the baby eats, how it sleeps, how you discipline it. Oh boy.” – Equivalent_Box5732
Delivery day is mom’s day, so no one else gets a say.