Balancing pregnancy with real life is no easy task.
Redditor berrysun0 recently was expected to cater a party for over 30 people that her husband was hosting.
An argument drove the Original Poster (OP) to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for wanting to cancel the party that my husband is throwing for his best friend?”
She went on to explain.
“I [28-year-old Female] and my husband [30-year-old Male] have been dating for 3 years and married for 2.”
“Recently we have bought a house together to start a family. It has a beautiful garden and is overall quite spacious.”
“My Husband, lets call him Paul and his best friend Ethan have known each other since elementary school and are very close.”
“Ethan hadn’t had any relationships during the whole time that I have known him.”
“Apparently this is quite rough on him, so my husband decided that he would host a party for him at our house and asked me to invite all my single girlfriends and they were to invite their single friends as well.”
“To be honest, I really did not want to have a party in our home especially with me being 7 months pregnant.”
“But I relented and said fine because I thought it could be fun to meet my friends and get my mind off things.”
“We chose a date for the party and invited our friends. An estimated amount of around 30 people (mostly women) would be attending.”
“Even though I am pregnant and can not drink, I offered my husband that I could be making cocktails for the guests, as this is something that I think is fun and I like making mocktails for myself as well.”
“He kinda looked at me weird and said. “Well, who else would be making them?” Which threw me off a bit, as this was his event and not mine.”
“I took the moment to ask him if he had called a caterer or how he would be feeding the guests to which he gave me a look and replied by saying, ‘I thought you were going to cook.’”
“I was sure I wasn’t hearing clearly so I asked him again and got the same answer as before.”
“I told him that there was absolutely no way I was going to feed 30+ people and that he should either order food or make it himself.”
“He told me that he was too busy with party planning and work and had no time and that I should just be making appetizers instead, as people would be mostly drinking anyways.”
“I told him that I would not be doing that, as my pregnancy has been hard on me and I didn’t think I had it in me.”
“He told me to just try and I said no and told him that he should call catering before it was too late.”
“Fast forward 2 weeks and he has not called catering and told me that I had to make the appetizers as it was too late now anyway.”
“It made me incredibly upset and I told him that I was going to be canceling the party because at this point it was stressing me out too much.”
“He called me selfish and told me to quit being such an a**hole and to just do something nice for his friend who is struggling.”
“I do feel bad for lashing out on my husband and wonder if I exaggerated.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“Your husband is being an AH. I mean, he even states that his job is the party planning.”
“Usually party planning includes food, drink, and entertainment. If you are doing the drinks and expected to do the food, then what exactly is his part in this?”
“Cancel it or tell him to get the BBQ out and get grilling cause you’re making cocktails and socialising with your friends.” – JstLooking05
“NTA at all.”
“Think about whether you want to continue to raise a child in this dreadful, misogynistic marriage. Get a hotel or stay with a friend during this weekend.”
“You shouldn’t be exposed to stress this weekend while 7 months pregnant. Text your girlfriends and tell them about the situation; I bet they won’t come.”
“He can buy some pizzas for his friends.” – analyst19
“ESH”
“‘ and asked me to invite all my single girlfriends and they were to invite their single friends as well.’”
“.. Agreeing to THIS makes you an AH, too. — You were an AH to invite your single friends to let Ethan creep on them.”
“So you supplied the girls to feed Ethan’s urges, why not the food and the cocktails, too? Did you at least warn your friends what you had planned them for?”
“And reconsider the relationship. Why are you with that AH.”
“HE is certainly treating you and the other girls as objects good for work and sex – but Paul certainly DOES NOT consider you a partner, and definitely not his equal.”
“He gets angry when you balk at his orders.” – SmartKaleidoscope497
“NTA. Your husband isn’t throwing the party. He just came up with the idea for the party – a sort of a poor man’s The Bachelor actually.”
“YOU are throwing the party. Cancel the girls. Tell hubby to change the date when he has the catering and bartending and clean-up worked out and you’ll re-invite your friends.”
“But it’ll have to be at least 6 months after the baby is born and NOT at your house.” – FuzzyMom2005
“‘I do feel bad for lashing out on my husband and wonder if I exaggerated.’”
“Dont feel bad. You didnt exaggerate.”
“I love cooking, but if someone TOLD me i was cooking as an afterthought without asking, then they would get a mouthful. And there is no way I would do it.”
“However, you are heavily pregnant, which in itself is a perfectly good reason not to even entertain the idea.”
“That he said “Well, who else would be making them?” about the cokctails strongly suggests he takes you for granted.”
“You have done him an enormous (and possibly unwise) favour allowing him to have the party at your house in the first place, given your pregnancy.”
“He needs to give his head a shake and you need to start thinking ahead. If he like this before the baby is even born, what is he going to be like afterwards?”
“In the instance that you dont cancel the party, I really dont think you should cook. Im not even sure about the cocktail thing tbh.”
“He is massively taking advantage and favouring his friend over his pregnant wife.”
“Edited to add:”
“INFO: Does your husband drive a pimpmobile?” – Stoat__King
“NTA – this whole party was his idea. You are 7 months pregnant and even cooking for a party of 10 people is a lot.”
“You asked him to plan ahead and he didn’t. You are not his caterer or his maid but if the party happens I bet he’d expect you to be both.” – ThatWhichLurks782
“NTA. Holy moly! Your gem of a husband volunteered you, a heavily pregnant woman, to cater a party that’s basically for the benefit of his friend.”
“This sounds like an awful reality show.”
“If your current husband is busy with party planning, I’d assume that means invitations, decor (enough seats/tables), drinks and food.”
“Expecting you to take care of the bulk of this sounds like a 1950s life.”
“‘With this sort of attitude to both you and all the women he’s essentially throwing in a pond so his friend can go fishing, I’m guessing he will never even change a diaper.’” – TemptingPenguin369
“NTA”
“This situation is your wake up call. He is showing his misogynistic colors.”
“Your husband will totally expect you to handle all household and childcare. Because you are the woman.”
“He wants to run a crowd of women by his friend like on a breeding show.”
“Cancel the party and sit your old-fashioned piece of 50s furniture down for a talk. Inform him that the year is 2023 and he will help with everything.”
“Tell him he needs to concentrate on his family now and not on his loser friend.” – yhaensch
“NTA. there is probably very valid reasons why Ethan hasn’t had any relationships and it’s probably because of a bunch of red flags.”
“Your husband is also TA as his idea, his responsibility to feed guests and provide drinks. His idea makes me feel icky anyway and the way he spoke to you makes me pissed.”
“Send your husband to the dog house.” – Legitimate_War_397
“Cancel. Cancel today. Cancel right now in a big text message to all of your friends and all of his.”
“You are carrying his child. It is not selfish to expect to be supported in that time.”
“It is completely unreasonable to have to cater a party for upwards of 30 people while pregnant, unless you were a professional caterer and being paid big bucks.”
“If you want to be kind to his friend, invite ONE of your single girlfriends over to meet him in a dinner for four that you can easily make.”
“You do not owe your husband’s best friend a big cattle call party. Besides, parties are expensive–you have a baby on the way. Husband sure is putting his desires above the family. You are NTA.”
“And P.S. I’m deeply concerned about the namecalling. He should not be calling you an AH, ever, but especially not about something that is his fault. It’s projection.”
“Sounds like verbal abuse to me.” – everellie
We do not blame her one iota for canceling this party, which was her idea in the first place!