Some people feel entitled to give unsolicited advice. Particularly to pregnant women.
Redditor nerdy_pharmacist encountered this very issue with her friend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for snapping when my friend kept telling me that I can’t do stuff because I’m pregnant?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“On mobile, not in USA, english is not my first language.”
“I am 31F and 7months pregnant. Pregnancy has been easy and I feel great.”
“A couple of weeks ago one of my friends (31F) that I’ll call Lisa asked me if we could have a socially distanced coffee in a park nearby and have a chat since we haven’t seen each other in over a year.”
“We of course kept in touch during this time, so she knows I’m pregnant and how I feel, and I am up to speed with her wedding planning for September if she is allowed.”
“I was super happy, agreed, we decided on a day (yesterday) and time.”
OP was excited, until her friend started acting weird.
“I told her we could meet directly at the park. When I told her this she immediately started asking me if I was crazy, that I couldn’t drive in my conditions, and that it was obvious that she would come and pick me up.”
“I was taken aback because I did’t expect this reaction, told her that hopping in the same car was not socially distanced, and that a 5 minutes drive to the park was nothing confronted with the one hour commute I do every day for work (my obgyn knows of the commute and ok it).”
“She was adamant that I was making a bad decision, that I was putting myself and my baby at risk driving.”
“Still I stood my ground and we met at the park.”
OP’s friend shared her unsolicited advice as soon as they got together.
“As soon as we arrived she beelined for the first bench she saw stating that I couldn’t stand on my feet for more than 5minutes at a time. I told her that I preferred if we could at least go around the park a bit, that light light exercise would be very good and recommended for me but she got annoyed and said that she knew what was best for me.”
“I started to get annoyed.”
“I tried to steer the conversation towards getting a drink at the stall in the park, she then opened up her bag and took out two thermos, handed one to me and said that she prepared the coffee at home because you never know what a barista might put in your coffee and that being pregnant I should be extra careful…I was like WTF?”
OP was not taking it anymore.
“At that point I was pretty irritated so I said quite firmly (not yelling or anything) that I was grateful that she was looking out for me but that it was not up to her to tell me what I could/couldn’t/should/shouldn’t do. I am pregnant, not terminally ill and that if our afternoon was going to continue this way I was ready to go home.”
“She became angry and defensive saying that she was doing that for me because she is worried for my wellbeing and to her I don’t seem concerned enough for my and my baby’s safety.”
“At that point I said goodbye and left.”
“She then sent me a message saying basically that I acted like an a**hole snapping like that and leaving, that she hopes that what happened was because of my hormones, that I should have seen that she was doing that for me and that I was acting ungrateful.”
“I haven’t responded yet.”
“So, am I the a**hole here?”
“I can understand that she just wants me to be safe and that she just cares for me, but I felt that her behavior was out of line.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. I kinda of get that she is concerned and cares about you, but this goes waaaay too far and dived straight into body police territory.”
“For some reason there are always people who tend to act like this towards pregnant woman in particular, but also towards those who are seriously ill or disabled.”
“Like they know best – better than you certainly (sarcasm!), and completely disregard that it’s your body.” ~ Kazvicious
“There is polite, offering a pregnant woman some help (hey, let me know if you want to sit so we can look for a bench) and then there is full ‘I WILL PUT YOU IN A RESTRAINING COAT BECAUSE YOU ARE A FRAGILE BABY CONTAINER AND YOU MAKE TERRIBLE DECISIONS FOR YOURSELF.'”
“NTA – I would be seriously offended.” ~ Mesapholis
“Your friend didn’t go far enough. I can’t believe that you have been reckless enough to post on Reddit, when there is a clear risk of electric shocks. Not to mention lightning strikes, meteors and sharknados.”
“Every knows that all pregnant women should be locked in a padded safe-room, miles underground. Safety first!”
“NTA. At all.”
“Your friend sounds nuts. And the ‘its your hormones’ is a low blow when you are so 100% in the right.” ~ Stoat__King
“Wait, did the laughing make you expel the baby? Should we inform your friend that you’re laughing recklessly?”
“Also don’t drink coffee, don’t drink anything, it may push the baby out because the beverage will take your baby’s place in your tummy!” ~ JayknightFr
“I also think there’s something deeper here. Has the friend lost a baby? Or is close to someone who has?” ~ EinsTwo
“NTA. Maybe I watch too many true crime shows, but when she supplied coffee from home, in addition to wanting to drive, etc, I immediately thought she planned to drug you and steal the baby.”
“Probably not. But her behavior was definitely not ok.” ~ AlienDog496
OP responded to some of the questions posted.
“Ok this got way more attention that I had anticipated. To address a few questions:”
“My friend has always been uncomfortable around children and has always said to me that she does not want children of her own so maybe she Is uncomfortable also with the idea of pregnancy.”
“For the same reason, she is not going to kill me to get to my baby, sorry for anyone who thought that, it’s really not in her character.”
“As far as I know, she has not experienced any miscarriages or extremely difficult pregnancy nor anyone in her close circle.”
“Yes, she has been around other pregnant people. She has 5 or 6 nieces/nephews but It’s the first time hearing her acting like this.”
People should respect women’s boundaries.
If you are not a doctor, stop telling women what to do with their bodies and their pregnancy.