Sometimes getting over an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can be really, really hard.
Especially if that relationship ended unexpectedly, which can make the healing process even more difficult.
For one woman who wanted to take a break from her relationship, it seems she always thought they’d get back together.
But as her brother pointed out in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, not only has she not taken the news of her ex-boyfriend moving on well, but she’s been downright nasty about it.
Redditor somenameidk34534534 reached out to the subReddit after, finally having heard enough of his sister’s negative talk, he tried to put her in her place.
But after receiving critical feedback from the family, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he had gone too far:
“AITA for [calling] my sister a racist, sexist POS (piece of s**t) when she wouldn’t stop complaining about her ex ‘leaving her for’ and marrying an immigrant?”
The OP always questioned if his sister was treating her ex-boyfriend right to begin with.
“Currently [my] sister is 38, [her] ex (also a good friend of mine if it matters) is 36, [I am also 36], [and] his wife is 30.”
“Around 3 years ago sis was dating a bro of mine. I do not think she was treating him right. She mostly only talked about his ‘status’ when they were together. Going on about how she has someone on her level.”
“She is the first woman in the family to get a degree and does make an above-average wage for here, instead of having to ‘settle for a guy she’d have to pay for in life like some 50s house wife’.”
“He is from a fairly well of family, dude has a PHD in some sort of computer thing that lets him work remotely and make a Cali living wage here in the midwest.”
There was never any question in the OP’s mind how his friend felt about his sister, however.
“He on the other hand, I do think cared about my sister. He’d talk about her as a person instead of cash. What he liked about her personality, how she was a nice person etc.”
“At the start.”
“Near the end I guess she wasn’t being very affectionate unless he would spend on her.”
His sister’s behavior wound up backfiring on her.
“She decided they would take a break, and when he [was eating at a] Chinese buffet, the owner’s daughter was there helping out, [and] they met.”
“Long story short a few weeks later they started dating. In March of this year, they got married.”
Despite three years having passed, the sister didn’t really move on.
“Sis has never ‘gotten over’ it.”
“Ever since they started dating, it’s been ‘oh, of course the rich dude would go for an immigrant sex toy over a real native woman who he can’t control so easily’ or some variation thereof.”
“Or going on about how ‘well-off men don’t want a woman on their level because we have a backbone and stand up to bulls**t and sexism’ or how ‘men don’t want a real woman, they want cheap, ‘exotic’ sex toys who will pop out their babies and throw their working lives away to raise them so he doesn’t have to be a parent’.”
“Which to me sounds very sexist and anti-immigrant [and] racist.”
“She’s also been complaining about the lack of quality men in our area, and how she shouldn’t have to settle for someone she’ll have to support just so she won’t be alone.”
“She both posts on Facebook about it and complains in-person whenever there’s a family get-together, especially if she finds out I’ve hung out with them recently.”
The OP finally had enough of the sister’s behavior.
“She has gotten more and more bitter as time went on, but once they got married, then about a week or so later the pandemic lockdown happened, [she] just went off the deep end. She went on yet another Facebook rant.”
“So I posted, saying to ‘Stop being a racist, sexist piece of s**t, just because your focus on ‘status’ and material spending rightfully scared a good guy away from you, and into the arms of a good person who happens to have been born outside of the country’.”
“I guess she went crying to mom about it because now I have to get texts from mom every day, asking how I could be so cruel to my sister, and saying she’s disappointed in me and [demanding] I apologize.”
“Did I f**k up and go too far?”
Fellow Redditors reached out anonymously, rating the OP’s reaction and his sister’s behavior on the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Though they didn’t disagree with the OP’s reaction, some questioned the use of public shaming.
“I agree with public shaming not being the best but she posted her views publicly on FB, can’t get mad when you get called out publicly when you’re putting your racist sexist views out publicly.” – gardenofholliness
“NTA, she treats people like s**t, maybe public shaming her is too far but it’s what she deserved” – KonPedro
Others disagreed and said public shaming might have been the way to go.
“But it wasn’t public shaming, she did this to herself by posting on FB, someone was bound to not let it slide. All OP did was show that he’s a decent human being and a good friend.” – xshadowgrlx
“Your sis is the classic: ‘Play stupid games, win stupid prizes’ with a racist twist.”
“She asked for the break, thinking he’d miss her and run back to her, while she likely envisioned herself having all sorts of fun with other guys, but it backfired. Her loss, and your buddy’s close-call.”
“(NTA)” – INTJedi
“Nah she deserved it. NTA” – PrimaryLock
“NTA, thats h**la racist and also h**la sexist. she hates immigrants because ‘dey took er men wit good jerbs!’. She hates men with good jobs for going after loving women instead of women who mostly care about their money.”
“and she hates men who make less than her because no matter what else they may bring they don’t earn enough to be ‘worthy’ of her. very racist and sexist, also xenophobic.” – karenhater12345
A few also had some suggestions for what the OP should do about his mom.
“Honestly I know it’s your mum and she’s likely getting reactionarily defensive of public embarrassment for her daughter and by extension her.”
“But she needs to have it pointed out – are you more disappointed in me for speaking publicly or for your daughter for being racist and sexist?” – PhiloPhocion
“She wasn’t ashamed of the daughter spewing racist/sexist vitriol on Facebook, just OP shaming her for it.” – calliatom
“Maybe you should tell your mom you’re disappointed in her for raising such a racist, condescending, cruel human being next time she says she’s disappointed in you. If she ends up in her late 40s without a life partner that loves her as a person, we know why. She needs to grow as a person.” – FairyOfTheNight
“maybe the answer is to start texting mom back with ‘but you’re not disappointed in sister for being a racist and an emotionally abusive partner? wow, mom'” – georgettaporcupine
Though it can be really hard to get over someone, continuing to lash out at them through their new relationship is hardly the way to mend the relationship, let alone get back together.
It seems if the OP’s sister really cared about her relationship, she may have approached her ex-boyfriend a little differently in a real effort to get him back.