Going through a divorce is hard for those around the couple as well. And, when people feel betrayed it takes time to see if they can trust them again.
Redditor Specific_Basis3128 encountered this very issue with her friends. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for not accepting my new neighbor?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (38F) am part of a group of friends in my neighborhood. We take turns hosting dinner parties between our households (5 houses out of 15 in our neighborhood).”
“One of our group recently moved out because her husband was cheating with his secretary. In the last month he moved her in and is acting as if everything is normal.”
“I am hosting dinner this month (we’re hosting Thanksgiving as none of us are able to see family this year).”
“The husband of my friend (who’s back home with her parents otherwise she’d be invited) asked my husband, as they’re friends, about the plans and assumed he and his mistress would be invited.”
“My husband said no and that due to circumstances none of the wives wanted them (both him who betrayed our friend and his girlfriend who was very aware of his wife and kids at home).”
His girlfriend was really upset.
“Well, the girlfriend came by to talk to me today. She approached me right as I was getting home from work so I’m assuming she was waiting for me.”
“She wants to try to mend fences and build friendships with the wives of her boyfriends friends and neighbors as she’s now part of the community.”
“I’ll admit I was exhausted after working a 48hr on call shift and I am very protective of my friends normally. I don’t care to be this woman’s friend.”
“I simply said to her ‘I don’t want to be friends with a woman that screws around with married men and your boyfriend stopped being my friend when he destroyed his family and broke my friends heart.’”
“And just walked into my home.”
Then, her husband went through a similar conversation.
“My husband got a call from her boyfriend and he was furious with me for making his girlfriend upset.”
“My husband really doesn’t like what his friend did either and told him that he doesn’t support cheating either and understand that I don’t want to continue friendship with him or his girlfriend.”
“My friends are split. All my friends that are friends with his soon to be ex wife are 100% with me and most think I should’ve been harsher with my words.”
“But, other friends keep telling me that she’s not the problem, the husband cheated. And while I agree with that, I also believe that this girl was aware he had a wife and young kids at home and knew that damage this would do.”
“No, she didn’t take a vow, but personally I think it’s very immoral and it’s like backstabbing another woman to get involved with someone that’s in a committed relationship.”
“I don’t see why I should be friends. It’s not like I’m friends with the whole neighborhood to start with anyways.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA- virtual fist bump.” ~ elladee000
“Ditto from me!”
“I can’t believe the fucking audacity of the cheating a-hole and his mistress expecting to be welcomed with open arms into the wife’s friend group? Like everybody’s supposed to just smile and pretend at the Thanksgiving table that everything is fine and dandy and be all friendly with them? They must be delusional.” ~ DryEquivalent9
“It’s like he thinks the only reason his SO would fit in the group is that she is his SO, and that he can swap one out for another, as if they weren’t independent human beings.” ~ Lucia37
“Re: swapping one out for the other – this is exactly what my ex tried to do when I divorced him for cheating and he immediately moved his girlfriend in (as in days after I left) and proposed to her. He tried acting like nothing had changed to anyone else who knew him.”
“Didn’t even acknowledge to his friend group that he was suddenly marrying someone else and they were just supposed to accept these trash people now.”
“I’ve found that this is actually really common with narcissists and their supply. They don’t actually think of us as individual people and that’s why it’s so easy to swap one for another. The new supply thinks they’re special and that they should be welcomed by anyone else in the narc’s world.” ~ Calm-Clothes-3784
OP did right by her friend.
“You’d be surprised what people let them get away with. My ex spouse replaced me in this fashion, and nearly our entire friend group LET HIM. So did his family. It’s a hard lesson in not letting yourself love or trust ever again when people you thought loved you let that happen, or enable it themselves. This post and the comments just prove to me there are better people out there though. Wish some of you all had been my friends instead!” ~ Mystic_Corgi
“People try to do this even when they have kids. Like, oh there is an empty spot now, let’s get a new mom-shaped person. Not how it works!” ~ EmergencyShit
“My husband cheated and then moved this woman, (and their secret baby), in after I left with our kid. He was disappointed when no one on the street liked her. They moved soon after. I think it was just too uncomfortable for them and I’m so glad they felt that way.” ~ Lumpy_Machine5538
“NTA. This is the Thanksgiving friends’ dinner…it’s not like any of cheated-on-wife’s friends are thankful for the husband cheating and then bringing the cheater’s new squeeze to the neighborhood.”
“Or any other dinner from now on apparently. The neighbor/husband either has a lot of guts or is just a total clod. As for the new squeeze/mistress: who knows why she asked about dinners, maybe she’s lonely, maybe the cheater made her do it? Regardless, OP is NTA for saying what she felt/believed. Yes, it may have sounded very harsh and ungracious, but cheater and his mistress really can’t expect graciousness from the ex-wife’s friends.” ~ sailingisgreat
He is the one that created this whole mess.