People in relationships have their respective friends and it would be ideal if the two groups of friends got along well with each other.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. But under most circumstances that would be okay.
But Redditor thewhapo12, a 27-year-old male who was raised as a “farm kid”, had reservations about his girlfriend’s new group of big-city friends from work.
After the fallout as a result of some social drama at his hometown friend’s party, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for ‘judging’ my GFs friends and withholding my friends number?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me and Maddie (27 Female) have been together for 4 and a half years. We were in the same graduating class from our small farm town.”
“Recently Maddie got a job in social media marketing in the big city about an hour from our hometown. Since we’ve been here she’s made friends with these girls from her work.”
“I describe them as the stereotypical ‘influencer’ types. They have huge follower counts on insta, are hard to talk to and have these older men sending them money.”
“I’m forced to hangout with them sometimes and the stuff they say about men is awful. Basically they brag about playing dudes and plot how to find a rich guy.”
“Maybe it’s how I was raised as a farm kid, but it definitely makes me feel icky. I’ve expressed my discomfort to Maddie and she understands but being friends with these girls will help her career and she also doesn’t have any other friends in the city yet.”
“I had my hometown friends visit a few months back and Maddie invited her friends to go clubbing with us. My friends are all farmers, some own their own operation. Maddie’s friends literally ignored them at the pregame and the bars.”
“My friends understood after I explained but they just aren’t used to those type of girls. Every year my best friend throws a party at his huge house.”
“I drove up a day early to help him set up, with Maddie coming the next day. She brought her friends to my surprise.”
“My best friend is wealthy, he owns his own farm, has a big pool and awesome property. Maddie’s friends immediately took an interest in my friend.”
“My other friends showed up with four wheelers and gave the girls rides on them all night. Maddie’s friends had a really good time and I was happy everyone got along.”
“When we got back to the city Maddie’s friends came over and asked me about multiple of my friends. I told them a little bit about our friend group and what they do for work.”
“One friend asked for my best friends Snapchat and said ‘ehh idk if that’s the best idea.’ Maddie and her friends kept pushing asking why I wouldn’t give out my friends info.”
“I kinda changed the subject till they left. Maddie got upset with me asking why I was being weird. And I said that I didn’t want her friends taking advantage of my friends the way they do other guys.”
“That my friends are simple guys who would obviously be attracted to these girls and would prolly be another sucker of theirs. That these girls completely ignored my friends until they realized the money some of them have. And that there were plenty of other guys out there for them.”
“I got upset saying that these are Maddie’s friends too and she should want to watch out for them. I’m now being called an AH for ‘judging’ her friends.”
“I said I’m not judging them for what they do, that’s their business, but I’m aware of the type of people her friends are and I don’t wanna put my friends (who are a little gullible honestly) into a bad spot.”
“AITA?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors agreed with the OP’s instincts to withhold the privacy of his close friend from the women he just met.
“NTA. NEVER GIVE SOMEBODY ELSES INFORMATION WITHOUT PERMISSION!!!”
“You can offer to give their information to your friend, but never the other way around. That puts the choice on him to reply, rather than being stalked.” – grmrsan
“Yep. You don’t owe anyone your friend’s phone numbers. I’m sure Maddie would be appalled if someone gave her phone number out to someone without her consent. Just because it’s girls wanting a guys number doesn’t suddenly make it okay.”
“You’re not judging her friends. In front of you they have made clear their interest in a man is in his wallet. If someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
“A bigger issue is how Maddie’s ethics seem to be changing and she’s starting to mimic these girls attitudes. NTA.” – Advanced-Extent-420
“NTA. Kind of alarming that your gf is siding with them all of a sudden when the friendship was originally supposed to be temporary until she made ‘new’ ones.”
“These girls seem dreadful and like they would 1000% take advantage of your friends. You have more of a responsibility to protect your friends than to make your girlfriends fake friends happy. I don’t even see why she is starting an argument to begin with tbh” – kittykins420
“Also a little hypocritical to be like ‘Yeah I know they suck to be around and take advantage of people, but I’m just using them to advance my career and for emotional support until I find real friends I actually like.’”
“But yeah I wouldn’t give out other peoples’ info to people I actually like because that’s an invasion of their privacy. Maybe if you want to smooth things over with your partner you can let your friend know they wanted his info, but I’d make sure he knows what he might be getting into first.” – thegurel
“NTA. And what is wrong for ‘judging them for what they do,’ if what they’re doing is crappy behavior. You have witnessed how they act, and how they treat men, and you don’t feel like having them treat your male friends that way.”
“If I was you, I’d give your male friends a huge heads up about exactly what these girls are like just in case your gf passes on their info.” – mybadreputation1970
“As a woman… NTA. Protect your friends.” – TillyCat92
Overall, Redditors found it admirable that the OP was being considerate and looking out for his friend’s best interests.
Redditors also remained confused as to why Maddie didn’t agree with the OP in that respecting his friend’s privacy was common sense and had nothing to do with being judgmental of her posh friends.