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Woman Considers Reporting Doctor After He Congratulates Her On Getting Pregnant Despite Her IUD

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Good news to some people can be bad news for someone else. When delivering the news, it can be important to read the vibe or pay attention to context clues.

When a 37-year-old mother of two received bad news coupled with a hearty congratulations from her doctor, she was upset.

Unsure if she should address the issue, the woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to pose a hypothetical “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA) question.

Redditor Witty-Conflict-9052 asked:

“WIBTA for reporting a Dr for him saying ‘congratulations’?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am married with two kids. I have had an IUD [birth control device] for 3 years.”

“I hadn’t been feeling well and so I thought I would take a pregnancy test just to be 100% certain I was not pregnant since when you call to get an appointment they will often ask you this. I knew it was almost impossible but figured I feel weird so what the heck.”

“It was positive. I was in shock and a little bit of terror since IUD births are not always …. pleasant.”

“Nor did I have any desire to have any more kids hence the IUD.”

“I went to the Dr’s office and the NP tried to do an ultrasound but didn’t see anything so she asked if she could bring in another person. I said fine.”

“This Dr comes in with the vaginal ultrasound and says he doesn’t see anything but that just means it’s really early.”

“When he is done he says ‘I’ve seen a baby come out with the IUD on its back! Isn’t that cool? Well, congratulations! A baby is always a blessing and you must be very excited to have a little one even if it was a surprise!'”

“I should clarify that I was not happy or saying anything positive about being pregnant during my interactions with any of the people there (in fact the opposite).”

“After that they finally (even though I requested it earlier) gave me a blood test and it came back negative, so I had words with the pregnancy test company.”

“In the end, it has been months, and that Dr’s attitude and words have stuck with me as inappropriate and really pressuring.”

“I have been thinking about reporting him but don’t know if it is report worthy or if my bad day is just making me extra mad at that guy.”

“So WIBTA if I reported him to patient affairs?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP would not be the a**hole if they reported the doctor.

“You have an IUD and the doctor congratulates you getting pregnant?! What the af?!”

“And, no. Not all pregnancies are ‘blessings’.”

“S/he may be trying to spin the unplanned pregnancy positive but that’s not their place.”

“Doctor: you have an IUD (BIRTH CONTROL) and you’re pregnant. Do you need some support, education about your choices?”

“You: Yes. I need to consider my choices.”

“Doctor: I’ll get you some names and numbers.”

“Or”

“You: Yay! I’m pregnant!”

“Doctor: Congratulations!”

“Doc takes their cue from you. NTA.” ~ 5pinktoes

“I got told by a doctor I should have a baby to cure my polycystic ovaries. I was young, single, and living with roommates.”

“Also never wanted kids. I asked the doctor what I should do with the baby afterwards, did he want it?”

“He was really stunned that I didn’t automatically just want a kid. F’king muppet. NTA.” ~ anyanka_eg

“The whole ‘kids are mandatory’ idea has ruined many children who grew up into dysfunctional adults who also check the mandatory kid box and then ruin another generation. And the cycle continues.”

“I have 1 kid because it’s exactly what I want. But I’ve since learned that there’s also this pervasive societal idea that it’s also mandatory to give that first kid a sibling.”

“If you don’t have more than 1, you’re selfish and borderline abusive, according to a surprising number of people. ‘He needs a sibling’ or ‘What do you mean you can’t handle two kids? They occupy each other!'”

“This idea that you must have children, and multiple at that, fools so many people into living a life they never really wanted, while lying to themselves and everyone else that they’re happy.” ~ rubyredrising

“NTA. I don’t know why anyone is saying y-t-a, it’s not like you’re suing him for medical malpractice.”

“He has an issue with how he talks to women who are in a vulnerable situation and that needs to be corrected. You would be doing his other patients a service.”

“What is his attitude going to be when someone actually does have an unwanted pregnancy and is seeking abortion. Telling her ‘congratulations’ and a ‘baby is always a blessing’ is implicitly shaming and will make that much harder.”

“It also makes me question if this attitude will effect his treatment of women who choose abortion.”

“I suspect people telling you you’re wrong are either anti-choice themselves and think women should be shamed for abortion and birth control, or they’re just really young.” ~ TheBaddestPatsy

“NTA. Please do this, OP. Hopefully it will cause him to be more thoughtful about his interactions with patients and save future patients from similar incidents.”

“I had two miscarriages while trying to have our second child, and while having my first ultrasound for our third pregnancy, the doctor asked me ‘Have you been praying?’ When we saw my son’s heartbeat, he said ‘I guess you’ve been praying hard enough!’”

“He was also the doctor who confirmed my two miscarriages, one of which had a heartbeat too, and it hurt me so much when he said that.”

“My son is 8 and I still get a lump in my throat thinking about the implications of what he said. They were the only OB practice in our small town, and I regret so much that I didn’t report him.” ~ 8daysgirl

“You don’t ‘congratulate’ someone on a medical failure. It doesn’t take a PhD to figure out that having an IUD means you DON’T want to be pregnant.”

“It’s unfortunate that our society assumes everyone loves/wants children. This doctor completely lacked common sense, empathy, and tact.”

“NTA. Go ahead and make a complaint. What if a similar situation happens again in the future and it’s way worse?”

“Save someone else the pain of having to endure ignorant comments.” ~ SuperKamiGuru824

While some thought reporting the doctor was overreacting, the majority agreed the comments by the doctor needed to be addressed.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.
Member of NAJA.