Borrowing from someone comes with responsibilities.
Especially if you borrow something without permission.
Redditor abbline encountered this very issue with her roommate. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for saying I expect my friend to pay back the full cost of my coat that she lost?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (18F) friend (18F) was in my dorm room because I was hosting our study group.”
“Afterward, she was going to a party and was in a tiny dress, so she asked if she could borrow my coat since it’s freezing out. I said sure, she can take the purple one on my bed.”
“She told me the next day that she was sorry and she’d lost my coat at the party.”
“And she hadn’t taken the purple one. She had taken the black one on my bed since it looked warmer.”
“The coat she lost was a Moncler, and I never would’ve let her take it.”
OP was distraught.
“I told her she could take my purple coat, which is the coat I take to parties since I’m not worried about it getting lost or stolen.”
“I’m really upset that she lost my coat, and I said she needs to pay me back the full cost of it. She said sure but didn’t realize how much it is, and then she got upset saying she could never come up with the money.”
“I said that’s not my fault since she shouldn’t have taken it, and she became hysterical when I said I want all the money paid back.”
“AITA for saying she has to come up with the full cost of the coat and pay it back?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. She purposely took the wrong coat and lost it. She is definitely responsible for replacing it. Did she go back to the place where the party was held to see if the coat was still there?” ~ NUT-me-SHELL
“Yeah, it’s not there. I’m guessing it was stolen. There’s a lot of other students on campus with the same or similar coats, and people don’t wear them to parties for this reason.” ~ abbline
“Are you sure she didn’t just say she lost it so that she could keep it?” ~ JBB2002902
“Stolen first by your friend and then from her. Never ‘borrow’ anything you aren’t willing to replace. She needs to grow up and deal with the consequences.” ~ thistleandpeony
“This is one reason I hate borrowing things from people.”
“I have really generous and kind friends, which I so appreciate!, but many of them have a tendency to insist I just borrow something of theirs when I need something, and I have to really insist to get them to see I’m not just being polite when I refuse lol.”
“I’m anxious enough about being responsible for my own stuff – I hate feeling responsible for other people’s stuff, too.”
“It’s also why I’ve stopped lending books. I almost never get them back.” ~ boudicas_shield
“Hell, she already stole it. She’s lucky to be given the opportunity to pay restitution. Also, she underdressed for the party despite it being obvious that she’d be freezing. Makes me suspect that she did it on purpose to borrow your cute coat for the party. Irresponsible.” ~ Em_Tropy
“NTA. You gave her permission for the purple coat. It’s her fault so she has to pay you back.”
“People need to learn to ask for permission before taking people’s things, it would avoid situations like this. She should have been better prepared, she caused all her issues.”
“I would hold firm. Get it down in writing that she took your coat without permission.” ~ FallenAngel1707
Maybe they can come to some sort of an agreement.
“If it was stolen at the party, it was stolen twice in one night!”
“Update: holy hell $$$$” ~ mnbvcxz1052
“I mean they’re all made in Europe where they have to pay people a semi decent wage and it takes hours and hours to make a jacket, especially a quilted one. Then you have the materials which I imagine are supposed to last a bit longer than something from Primark or whatever.”
“These things are supposed to be worn for decades, it’s just what a jacket would cost without fast fashion.” ~ pictodex
“I think it is a bit of both. Fast fashion have made people have unreasonable expectations for what clothes should cost, but at $1500 you are obviously also paying a lot for just the brand.” ~ progrethth
“Moncler jackets are expensive, but as a Canadian who sees people in high-end brand jackets regularly, I’m amused at all the replies where people are baffled.”
“I’m not judging anyone, I can’t afford a Moncler, but jacket brands like that are super common for uni students where I live.”
“Tbf, for those who can afford it, investing in a top quality winter jacket makes sense for Canadians. I mean we live where the wind hurts your face and it’s dark by 4-5pm in winter lol.” ~ theBeesHavanese
“I went to a school where like 95% of the international students wore a different brand, but easily $900+ coats. If it’s a big campus it’s not that insane that there are people that have coats that expensive.”
“I mean to me it would be insane to buy it, but it’s not that unusual.” ~ mgraces
“Tell her to cough up the money for a replacement or you’ll take her to court. Small claims court would be easy enough for an issue like this.
The threat of legal issues might light a fire under her. She knew what she was doing, she wanted that coat for a reason – it might also not be missing. NTA.” ~ canyousteeraship
OP’s coat was not up for grabs.
They returned with an update after Redditors weighed in.
“Thank you for all the support and suggestions!”
“If she can’t find it or pay me back somehow, I’m weighing all the other options people are giving.”