Let’s just be honest about this: sometimes people who are getting married are kind of terrible.
While this may not be true of them all the time, it certainly is during their wedding season, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Successful_Action_40 could not believe what he heard his future sister-in-law saying when she suggested that he and his sixteen-year-old daughter attend her wedding, while leaving his fourteen-year-old daughter behind.
But when she said it was because she felt the fourteen-year-old’s facial scar would be too disturbing for her guests, the Original Poster (OP) decided that was the final straw.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to go to my brother’s wedding if my daughter isn’t allowed to come?”
The OP’s family was all excited about his brother’s upcoming wedding.
“I (45 Male) have 2 daughters (14 Female) and (16 Female) who were both excited to attend my Brother (38 Male) and sister-in-law’s (22 Female) wedding happening in 12 days.”
“So was I until this morning when my brother and sister-in-law came for an unexpected visit.”
The OP’s future sister-in-law surprised him with one of her concerns.
“Another event that happened recently was my younger daughter having to take a break from her soccer team after she tripped on the ball and suffered an injury to her face.”
“The scars she gained from the impact were noticeable but certainly not ruining.”
“My sister-in-law didn’t know about this and started to act oddly when around my youngest daughter.”
“After a quick snack, my sister-in-law asked to speak to me alone in a reluctant manner and told me that my daughter might make the guests uncomfortable at her wedding.”
“When I asked her why she thought that way, she stated that the scar was noticeable and it would be best if my eldest daughter attended only.”
The OP was absolutely not on onboard with this idea.
“I got defensive quickly and told her if my daughter isn’t allowed to come, then I won’t come.”
“My brother overheard and tried to mediate the situation, but my sister-in-law told me if I didn’t want to come, that was up to me.”
“In the end, I told them to leave and that I wasn’t attending the wedding.”
“My sister-in-law left quickly, but my brother said that my sister-in-law shouldn’t impact my choice to go and that it was a tradition in pretty much every wedding to have the Groom’s brothers attend.”
“Am I the A**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were appalled by the future bride’s priorities.
“You know, this reminds me of a Dear Prudence letter.”
“The Mother of the Groom wanted the Father of the Bride to not attend the wedding because his face was badly burnt. An electrical fire, not war, not that that’s relevant.”
“Prudence was outraged. Burnt father is walking his daughter down the aisle. How dare you suggest he would wreck the optics?”
“As others have said, I’d be suspicious of a bride demanding perfect optics.”
“Prudence was magnificently outraged.”
“The mother of the groom was dead to her. A lost cause.”
“But did she lay into the groom for being such a Momma’s boy and not supporting his fiancee!”
“NTA, OP.” – Irish_beast
“NTA.”
“Don’t go.”
“Your brother is marrying a shallow individual, and you are standing up for your daughter. No one will be afraid.”
“Shallow too-young-for-your-brother is worried about her day being ruined and pictures being forever ‘scarred’ because of your daughter’s appearance.”
“She’s just too immature, to be honest.” – Slythercon
“NTA. Holy mother of… your soon-to-be SIL is something else. And your brother not standing up to his soon-to-be wife in regards to his niece and her scars. Oof. You keep being a good dad.”
“As someone who has facial scars and a facial disfigurement, you will probably never know what standing up for your daughter and refusing to go to this will mean to her, even if she never knows the true reasons behind it.”
“It’s not guests who will be uncomfortable, it’s her who is uncomfortable. She is the one with the problem. She is the AH.” – Wickedlove7
“NTA.”
“Wooooooooooooow. The audacity of this woman. I’m sure her casual cruelty came as a shock to your brother and I desperately hope he was just waiting to get her elsewhere before calling her out.”
“You’re 100% correct. Either your daughters are both welcome or none of you should go.” – Sweeper1985
“NTA.”
“You wrote, ‘My sister-in-law asked to speak to me alone in a reluctant manner and told me that my daughter might make the guests uncomfortable at her wedding.'”
“I don’t care if they apologize or reinvite your daughter, I would refuse to attend for this horrid statement. How s**tty can you be.” – sbrgrl1093
“NTA. Good on you for supporting your daughter and telling your sister-in-law that you wouldn’t be attending.”
“Her appearance might make guests uncomfortable: that is an abhorrent justification for excluding someone you had already invited to your wedding.”
“Would she rescind the invitation for a family member who had a new spinal injury, severed a limb, limped, or even suddenly started making goofy faces all of the time and was unable to control it?”
“I have words for your SIL. None of them are polite.” – tosser9212
Others were more disgusted with the OP’s brother for not standing up for his niece.
“NTA. I did a major number to my face the week before I was the flower girl at my aunt’s wedding. Cut my own bangs, scraped my chin halfway to my lip, and got a quarter-size goose egg on my forehead when I was goofing off at the rehearsal dinner. No one banned me.”
“Your brother is an epic a**hole marrying a woman barely out of her teens who thinks anyone cares about your daughter’s perfectly fine face (I don’t care how fresh the injuries are or if she’s lost every tooth in her mouth, she’s 14 and they can f**k off with their a**holeness).”
“He ought to make this a hill worth dying on. What would this immature, vain woman do when her own child injures their face? Hide them in a closet? Heaven forbid there is some issue with their child’s face, do they hide the kid forever?”
“She is obviously an a**hole too, but your brother is the real problem because he can’t stand up for his niece in the face of such disrespect and unkind behavior.” – wildferalfun
“NTA. That’s what your brother gets for marrying a 22-year-old bride: total immaturity.” – Syveril
“NTA.”
“But this should be a huge wake-up call to your brother about the type of person he’s marrying, although the age gap indicates he doesn’t have the best judgment anyway.” – CrystalQueen3000
“OP should just tell his brother that he’ll join him at the next wedding, provided his family is welcome. Because this hopefully won’t last long.” – melympia
“Wait, WHAT? Seriously, what in the flippin’ flapjacks is wrong with your future SIL and brother?”
“The first reaction should’ve been something like, ‘Oh my goodness, niece-to-be! What happened?’ (Listen to story.) ‘I’m so sorry you went through that and so glad you’re on the mend. You’re one tough cookie!’ Clearly, she missed the compassion chip when she came down the assembly line.”
“But beyond failing to lead with concern and caring, to then disinvite your daughter because her injury may make other guests uncomfortable?”
“If others feel uncomfortable, then they are heartless AHs and can find their way to the exits, spank you very much. (But hey maybe those are the kinds of people in your FSIL’s realm. Birds of a feather, fruit falling from trees, sphincters beget sphincters. All that jazz.)”
“I am darn near growling over the thought of your FSIL prioritizing ridiculous potential reactions of guests and the aesthetic of her wedding (cuz I just have a gut feeling that factors in. Heaven help that a scar is in wedding photos!) over family. The love and relationship with her soon-to-be-niece and your family.”
“And your brother is also an AH. Mediate? What is there to mediate? There should be no dispute that his fiancée was engaged in flagrant AH-erization.”
“And then to suggest that his fiancée shouldn’t affect your decision to attend? Holy hairballs! That’s not what’s affecting your decision. Your FSIL disinviting your daughter for a flocked up reason is why!”
“Then he doubles down and says you should attend because it’s a tradition for the groom’s brother to do so? Fraggle my rock! It should also be a tradition not to exclude family members from celebrations on the basis of injuries and scars!”
“Forgive my rant, but your bro and FSIL have clearly flipped all my switches. You are far from being an AH, OP. You’re a hero dad. Your bro and FSIL are not only AHs but also turds and the toilet.”
“NTA.” – Fresh_Process6822
The subReddit was appalled on the OP’s daughter’s behalf and grateful that he stood up for her when the rest of his family would not. Choosing to not invite her over something as artificial and uncontrollable as a scar spoke volumes of the future bride and her husband, and none of those things were good.