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Woman Stunned When Her Sister With Five Kids Demands To Move Into Her House

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Everyone has that relative that seems to make wrong decisions. And, no matter how much we want to help them sometimes we must take care of us first.

This Redditor encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.

Redditor aitahousefree asked:

“AITA for not letting my sister and her family move into my house?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I(27f) and my partner (29m) recently bought our first home.”

“This was huge for us as we live in NZ and house prices have been skyrocketing over the last few years and even with 70k that I inherited from my grandparents, both us working full time and a loan from my partners parents of 20k we only just managed to scrape through and get the place we wanted.”

“It is 2 bedrooms plus a small office where my partner will work from home (I’m a builder, he’s a lawyer).”

OP’s sister has not done so well.

“My sister (29f) is unemployed and has no education past college [equivalent to high school in USA]. In addition she has 5 kids and has recently found out she is pregnant with her 6th.”

“Her partner is being let out of prison soon but will be on home detention and her current landlords don’t want him living in their house (he has historically been destructive of their property) so they’ve asked my sister to leave.”

“She has until Feb next year to find a new place as that’s when their fixed term is up.”

“My sister approached me and asked to move into our place, I said if they didn’t find somewhere in time that they could stay with us temporarily but there wasn’t enough room to stay for more than a couple weeks and that 7 months was more than enough time to find a place.”

OP’s sister wanted more than that.

“She basically said that there was plenty of room, partner and I could move into the office(less than 10 sqm in size), she and her partner would take our bedroom along with her youngest who is 2 – female and her other four (4 – male, 5 – male, 9 – female and 9 – male) would share the second bedroom.”

“I said absolutely not, if she was desperate I’d help her but I wasn’t going to give up the majority of our house that we’d worked our asses off for.”

“She retaliated that I didn’t have kids so I didn’t know how hard life was and I pointed out that when our grandparents passed away she got the same 70k that I did as well as 15k for each of her children (that she had at the time) so why hadn’t she got a job and used that 130k as a deposit on a house for her children.”

“She told me to fuck off and that what she spent her money on was none of my business.”

Things are still awkward.

“Basically it’s been over 2 weeks now and everyone in my family is hassling me to let her move in to our house.”

“My partner is completely against it due to the noise of 5 kids and a baby disturbing his work and my sisters partner was a dick to him years ago before he went to prison.”

“I don’t want to bend but at the same time my entire family is treating me like I’m a huge AH so I need some independent views.”

“Edited to clarify: college in NZ is equivalent to high school in the states or A/AS levels in the UK. Here tertiary education is called university not college.” 

Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors were conflicted about who was at fault.

“NTA and OMG do not let her in the door.”

“She will ruin your life as she has ruined her own!”

“How can your husband work from home if he has no office and there are little kids running everywhere. If you let her in your house (even in an emergency) it’s going to be a gigantic mess that will be incredibly hard to untangle.”

“How WOULD you get them out if they refuse to leave? Absolutely no.”

“State it once, twice, endlessly. Don’t engage in reasoning or discussion. Just say over and over again the exact same message, ‘The answer is no.'” ~ IllustriousPomelo152

“THIS. If you let them in the door they will take over your house and never leave. ‘No’ is a complete sentence.” ~ Complex-Lemon-371

Many agree OP’s relatives should let her sister stay.

“And tell all those relatives that if they are so eager to see your sister housed with family, then THEY should take her and her children (and her felon partner) into their homes! See how fast that shuts everyone up.” ~ chickenfightyourmom

“I bet they don’t want to let them stay there because her destructive af boyfriend who just got out of prison would be living with whoever takes them in too.”

“What was he in prison for? Something violent? Obviously they don’t want them because the landlord sure as hell didn’t!”

“Imagine trying to get them out and getting potentially beaten up and kicked out of your own home.”

“Or it’s double trouble with messy kids AND a destructive adult man destroying OPs and their partners shit because they don’t give a sh*t.”

“OP there is a whole SLEW of reasons for just the bf alone not to let them stay there.”

“If their previous landlords don’t want them there because he didn’t respect their stuff and destroyed their property what makes you think he will respect your property any more?”

“I’d think even less considering that his gf is family and could pull the guilt your and family card like the rest of your family.”

“Do NOT let them in at ALL.” ~ TheoryAddict

“OP’s relatives should be telling sister to break up with this criminal, and to have nothing more to do with him. Then perhaps she could get on public assistance and her landlord might let her stay.”

“In my state, and probably in a civilized place like NZ, a parolee has to have approval for where they live. If sister tells the parole officer that he can’t come back, then….that’s it. He can’t live there while on parole.”

“Sister has manipulated this crisis because she wants to move into OP’s house and be supported by OP. If she dumped the BF she might be able to stay where she is now.” ~ Swedishpunsch

“NTA. And please…never let her stay at your house…even overnight.”

“I don’t know about the laws where you live, but in many cases such as yours around the world, the person who was supposed to be a temporary lodger ends up taking over the home, getting the owners in legal trouble, destroying the owners personal property or causing it to come up missing, and basically plays havoc on the owners life.”

“Also, if your family thinks you should help them…why aren’t THEY offering up their homes to your sister? And your sister has 7 months to find a place?”

“That’s more than enough time if she got off her butt and looked, right? She also said it wasn’t your business what she did with her (and her kid’s) share of the inheritance, but if she’s asking for your help….that makes it your business.”

“Heck, in some places in the USA, 130k can buy a nice house…the whole house, so where are her assets that show she can behave responsibly with money?”

“If she did SOMETHING smart with it, then that’s one thing even if she didn’t buy a house. But if she did nothing responsible with it, then that proves she hasn’t grown up enough to ask anyone to give her a helping hand.”

“The most I would do would be to help her organize her own plan of action to find her own home. Maybe research some affordable places, some jobs she can get or efficient ways to get childcare.”

“Whatever it is, help her by helping her be self sufficient and learning those skills. But under no circumstances would I let her step foot in my door, especially with an ex-con as her boyfriend who will come into your house and think of himself as ‘the man of the house’.”

“Side note: You said the landlord doesn’t want her there because she’s generally destructive with her own place. What do you think she’s going to do with yours when she has absolutely no stake in keeping your things nice?”

“And with destructive kids who don’t listen and don’t have good manners? Also, in 7 months, she’ll be about due to deliver…meaning you won’t be getting her out of your house at that time because everyone will think you’re a big AH for kicking out a recently delivered new mom.”

“And if there are any complications, she’ll be there even longer. And who’s going to be working for money while they’re there?”

“Are you and your partner going to be expected to pay their way? Because I don’t see how they’re going to pay their share if neither one of them can work or will work…which it sounds like they don’t.”

“And this isn’t even mentioning that they’ll want free babysitting and guilt you into not helping them out if they want to go out and party or something.”

“This is a very bad idea. I would suggest not even offering to let her through your door.”

“Keep her and her huge family and irresponsible nature from sullying your home paradise. Let your family be mad if they want…you don’t need the headaches.”

“PS: I have a brother (49) who’s like this. He has screwed everyone over again and again.”

“I put my foot down because he was trying to come mooch off of me. Sometimes, to help them grow up, you have to cut them off. Good luck.” ~ Celticwolf27091120

“NTA how about she move in with whoever got her pregnant? Clearly wasn’t the ‘soulmate’ boyfriend because he’s in prison.” ~ wtfaidhfr

“I’m sorry, I have to ask. She’s pregnant with her 6th, but her boyfriend is just getting out of prison???” ~ crazylazykitsune

“Ummm…besides the fact that they would literally crowd you out of your own space, how would this even be legal?”

“In the U.S., there’s a limit to how many children can live in the same bedroom and each must have their own bed. Not sure how that correlates to NZ, but guessing kids still need to have a bed, legally.”

“Then there’s the issue of bills, especially utilities. Are they going to pay 80% of the rent, water, electric, etc…?”

“Are they going to contribute money for your SO’s office space that he’ll need to rent? If they can’t afford it on their own, they can’t afford it with you.” ~ Massive_Pitch696

“Do not, under any circumstance, let your sister and her family move in. Not even for 2 weeks.”

“She is a trainwreck. She will wreck your home.”

“There is no reason she can’t find a home between now and February. If she can’t, give her some money.”

“Your home is too small anyway. NTA.” ~ pedestrianstripes

“‘She retaliated that I didn’t have kids so I didn’t know how hard life was’.”

“No, I suppose you don’t. You are not 29 with 5 kids, a 6th on the way, no education, and a partner in prison, who is trying to coerce a family member to take all of you in for some indefinite period of time.”

“If you let them roost on you, you can say goodbye to your space, privacy, peace and quiet, ability to work or do anything in your own house without constant disruption and distraction.”

“If what she spent her money on is none of your business, then her current lack of money is also none of your business.”

“NTA, and your family is hassling you to take in the freeloaders because they don’t want to.” ~ Rural_Bedbug

“NTA. Your entire family wants your sister, her five/six kids, and her prison-released husband to move in with you?”

“Your entire family wants them to move in with you so they don’t have to offer them a place to live.”


“You and your partner have earned your place. Your sister made her own bed.”

“Let NOBODY guilt you into giving them a place to stay. The nerve – they not only want to move in, but they think that they should get the master bedroom?” ~ CrochetBeth

OP has a right to her own life, her own home and her own boundaries.

She is not responsible for her sister’s life choices.