Addiction can have far reaching consequences that can force some addicts to face the truth and begin their journey to recovery.
But recovery is a full time struggle. For an addict, there is no “just one drink” or “just one hit.”
Temptation is strong though, and the feeling that you’re no longer susceptible after years in recovery can be deceiving when offered that first drink or hit by a friend or family member.
An 18-year-old son is dealing with these issues with his alcoholic father. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” subReddit for perspective.
Redditor dadweekend asked:
“AITA for throwing my condition at my dad’s face when he tried to drink again?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“When I (18M) was 7 years old my dad and me went to my uncles place one weekend. Back then my dad had a habit of drinking too much and never admitted it was a problem.”
“He got pretty drunk that night and drove us home. On the way he fell asleep and our car flipped.”
“It was a serious accident one of the most traumatic moments of my life and I suffered from it the most. Head injury, broken leg, cuts that needed multiple stitches.”
“I still have the scars and a pretty ugly one on the side of my head luckily covered by my hair. The worst thing was I lost vision in my right eye. My dad suffered some injuries but nothing too bad.”
“He did some time for what he did, driving drunk, child endangerment and all that. My mom got full custody of me and I didn’t see my dad for awhile.”
“I did therapy cause I was scared of being in a car for a long time, was in and out of the hospital after that.”
“My dad stopped drinking . He did meetings and was sober for a while when he tried to reach out to me a few years ago.”
“My mom let me decide and I gave him a chance. I saw how guilty he was for what he did to my life.”
“Well a week ago I went with him to a friend’s house and out of nowhere they started having some beers. Offered my dad one.”
“At first he was like ‘no’ but then he said ‘fine’. The whole time I was looking at him like are u serious right now?”
“He said ‘what it’s just a beer’, he’s been sober for years so one wouldn’t hurt. I don’t know, it just pissed me off so much I was literally shaking.”
“Out loud I said ‘so losing my eye wasn’t enough for you?'”
“I got up and left but could hear my dad calling me apologizing. But yeah that was it for me.”
“He promised he wouldn’t ever drink again. That’s exactly what he said when he apologized for the accident.”
“My uncle was there when I said that so he’s the one saying I was too mean for throwing that back at my dad’s face.”
“Because he lives with that regret every day and it’s not right to remind him when he was just considering having one beer.”
“My dad says too his feelings are hurt right now for what I said so I’m wondering if I was an asshole for reminding him of that.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided unanimously OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. While harsh, it was a reality he obviously needed to be reminded of.”
“Add in that he broke your trust and a promise. One beer easily turns into 2 which easily turns into 5.”
“If he cared, he would tell him friends to either not drink around him, or never offer him anything.” ~ vengenzdoll
“According to the post, his dad’s friend caught him off guard and offered him a beer. His Dad originally said no, but ended up accepting it.”
“While the Dad certainly is still the AH, his friend certainly isn’t any better (figuring he offered beer multiple times). If Dad cared, he would have left with OP the first time his friend offered him a beer.”
“But what was OP supposed to say? ‘Was prison for drunk driving not enough for you?'”
“‘Was losing custody of me not enough for you?’ ‘Was my torn up body not good enough for you?'”
“The list goes on and on.”
“NTA, OP, and that’s wrong that your dad/uncle are trying to gaslight you into thinking this is your fault.” ~ iamasaltshaker
“[Say] ‘So sorry his feelings were hurt. I must have missed the depths of his pain… No depth perception, you see, because some drunk f’ker got into an accident and I LOST MY F’KING EYE’.” ~ ClothDiaperAddicts
“An alcoholic is not ‘someone who drinks’, it’s ‘someone who cannot stop drinking’. In a case like this, one beer could very well hurt a great deal.”
“The father has to stay away from alcohol completely, or he’ll be back where he started.”
“OP’s words were brutal, but if it stopped the father from falling off the wagon, it may have been for the best. NTA.” ~ CatOutrageous9135
“NTA. It’s very rarely ‘just a beer’ when it comes to alcoholism.”
“At least now he understands the ongoing trauma for you and how his actions around this topic will continue to affect you as well as him.” ~ lauralikesstuff
“Yah, dad might live with the guilt every day but OP lives with the very real, very serious physical consequences of dad’s actions every day.” ~ Fox-Smol
“OP did the right thing, their dad clearly isn’t capable of the 1# thing that keeps you sober/clean as an addict:”
“You have to be brutally honest to yourself, and your surroundings that you cannot handle certain substances, and that you cannot remain friends with people who do not treat you around alcohol (etc…) as one would with an orally fixed baby around a tray of rat poison shaped like gummi bears.”
“That does not mean you can never be around people who do socially acceptable things such as drink a beer, but these people have to be told in no uncertain terms that they are not to offer anything to the addict and why. They also have to be the kind of people capable of respecting these reasons.”
“Having even a single beer is opening a doorway that has to be kept closed.”
“Once the doorway opens, either by behavior or through your own diminishment of the danger behind it, you are susceptible to falling right back into old behaviors.” ~ Dirtydirtyf*g
While his father may deal with guilt over his actions, the OP deals with the lifelong physical and mental consequences. If that isn’t enough to dissuade his father from drinking, then perhaps the OP needs to walk away.