Taking care of friends when they’re drunk is often considered a friendly duty, especially for underage drinkers.
But what happens when ordinary drunken revelry turns into out-of-control, dangerous alcoholism?
A teen on Reddit found herself in this dilemma, so she took it to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for some perspective.
The OP (Original Poster), who goes by PostAwkwardness on the site, asked:
“AITA for abandoning and refusing to care for my friends because they all have alcohol addictions?”
“My closest friend has decided that overly drinking is more important than our friendship, he has decided to continue drinking knowing that it’ll drive me away but that’s his decision I guess. Thank you all, this meant a lot.”
“I’m a female senior in HS and recently my friends (predominantly made up of males) are starting to turn 18 when it’s legal to purchase alcohol, most of my friends have alcohol addictions and they’re still 17.”
“Every time they have a party someone injures themselves, is extremely sick or shit gets dangerous.”
“One friend who happens to be my closest friend has required stitches to close a wound, basically thrown out of the house for lying to his parents about where he was and coming home/being drunk at night, exploiting being legally allowed to purchase alcohol, arriving to campus drunk and or hungover, bringing alcohol to school and being extremely overbearing with his emotions towards me.”
“Others have been beyond sick, one girl slept on the concrete with a blanket because she didn’t eat before drinking multiple beers, another was all but passed out over the toilet for 2hrs while I was trying to force feed him water and food because again he didn’t eat before drinking.”
“One tried throwing a party in which they’d all be drinking while he planned to leave his house leaving everyone unsupervised to go to a strip club basically leaving all the drunk people in the hands of me and a few other sober people.”
“The final straw was when we had a very full on night of drunk idiots, the guy was over the toilet for 2hrs, my close friend came home drunk and was ‘kicked out’ of his house the following morning and after all that they were begging in the group chat for someone to drive them to buy more alcohol because they had consumed all of it and none of them were sober enough to drive.”
“I told them all quite harshly that I wouldn’t be there next time to supervise them and basically told them I had enough of the bullsh*t. Most of them are still underage and they already have alcohol addictions.”
“My closest friend was hit the hardest, he kept asking those at the house ‘Where’s OP? I want OP, I miss OP’ when he tried messaging me drunken words I muted the conversation and went to bed, I woke up to a spam of messages ‘Do you hate me?’ I have yet to respond or talk to him since.”
“I don’t want to spend every party looking after my friends because they have no self control around alcohol, but I feel guilty for just abandoning them because they DO have no self control.”
“I know this post is long but I’m just exhausted. If it wasn’t for his drinking I’d probably be really into one of the guys, but his lack of control is a major turn off and it almost disgusts me to see him in that completely drunken state.
Maybe I’m talking like a sober loser who needs to loosen up a little bit. AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who is the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
“NTA but you need to really stick with it if you go this route. You know they’re going to fall a lot further to rock bottom before they get better, if they ever do. Make sure you’re ready to not go running back to make it all better.”
“Addiction is no joke and it sucks in everyone around them. If you’re not up for being the support system for all of these people (and you shouldn’t be) then you made the right call.” —DormantDormaus
“It’s not your responsibility to parent them, but the thing is if you hang out with them, you will. Sometimes you have to cut things off for your own well-being, but you can decide whether to leave that connection open when some of them mature out of that behavior” —wgc123
“You can care about friends while still understanding that they’re toxic and need to be removed from your life. They will only bring you down at this point.”
“NTA. It’s great you’ve realized that you are with a self destructive group of friends. You need to have a serious chat with them when they’re sober about their drinking problem. Give people in the group who want to help themselves a chance to come clean. Then leave the rest who’ll pull you down.” —ThinkerWhoTinkers
“NTA. They will probably grow out of it but until then it’s not your responsibility to babysit them as you say.” —SuperVillain85
“NTA. Invest your energy into like-minded people so you have social activities and interests that don’t center around alcohol or the lack of it. Just enjoy what you’re doing.”
“I hope eventually your current friends learn to moderate their drinking, but don’t hang around waiting to find out.” —Peskypoints
“NTA. Your so called friends are heading down a very dangerous path. Don’t let them drag you down with them. Do what is healthy for you, and maybe one or two of them will eventually follow your example.”
“If you feel guilty, that’s normal. Acknowledge it and move on. They won’t understand any explanation you give them when they aren’t sober, and if you explain it to them when they are sober, they’ll forget when they get drunk again.” —Herefiraita
The OP returned with an update.
“Thank you all so much for the kind words, I woke up to my notifications being blasted with responses and it really validated me.”
“Many people suggested to distance which I very much agree with.”
Here’s hoping OP can find a better group of friends.