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Stay-At-Home Mom Calls Out Husband For ‘Abandoning’ Her And Kids To Go Have Time Alone

A stressed out mom deals with making a meal while caring for three kids

Being a parent is a fully loaded part of life.

Even when the kids are asleep, there still seem to be things to attend to because of the kids.

And having multiple young children in the house can cause a lot of chaos to stay on top of.

That’s why it’s nice when parents have one another to lean on.

Splitting the workload for the kids and the house can be a lifesaver.

And sometimes, that lifesaver is giving one another much-needed breaks.

But that doesn’t always fly with all partners.

Case in point…

Redditor Holiday-Kangaroo4152 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my wife it’s her job to babysit the kids and leaving the house?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (35 M[ale]) have been married to my wife (32 F[emale]) for seven years.”

“We have two children together (6 M) and (3 F).”

“She takes care of the house and babysits the kids most of the time because she’s a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om], but we evenly split chores and childcare on weekends and when I get home from work.”

“My wife is much more social than I am.”

“We moved to her home state from mine because she wanted to be closer to her parents and her childhood friends.”

“Now, she is a lot more social than I am.”

“She goes on 3-4 girl’s trips a year.”

“I have no issues with that, and I’m happy to babysit the kids full-time in her absence.”

“I’m more of a homebody anyway, so I usually like to just paint in the spare room or play video games every once in a while instead of traveling out of state.”

“I don’t really take time off from work unless we do something as a family.”

“For the past 3-4 months, I was very busy on a major project at work.”

“I’ve been working 60-hour weeks, and frankly I’m exhausted with the stress.”

“So when the project was finally coming to an end, I told my wife I’m taking a day off, and I won’t be doing any work around the house.”

“Of course, I’d still clean up after myself, but I didn’t want to do any chores or childcare on that one day.”

“I told her that two weeks in advance, and she agreed.”

“I also reminded her three days before.”

“However, when that day came, my wife ‘forgot’ about our agreement.”

“I was in the painting room, and my wife interrupted me, telling me she needed me to give our daughter a bath because she spilled milk all over herself and couldn’t do it because she had to wash the dishes.”

“It was annoying, but whatever, s**t happens.”

“Later on, when I was playing video games, my wife tells me our son needs help with his math homework.”

“I ask her why can’t she help him herself. She said it’s because she has some ‘work’ to do.”

“This work was actually her best friend coming over and chatting for an hour.”

“This really pissed me off, so after I helped my son and the best friend left, I told my wife I’m leaving the house for 4-5 hours.”

“She asked me where I was going, I told her I’m just going to chill in the park and do whatever.”

“But then she said needs me to help out with the chores and with the kids.”

“I told her that today was my day off from all work, including housework, and it’s her job to babysit the kids on this day before I left the house.”

“When I came back, she was acting cold and called me an a**hole for just abandoning her and the kids.”

“I think she’s being dramatic, but when I spoke to my sister, she said parenting is a 24/7 job.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA – She gets time away from the kids, planned 3 or 4 times a year.”

“You should plan your time just the same.”

“If she isn’t respectful of you having time whilst in the house, then plan it as time away.”

“Working full time, whether on a special project or not, requires some self-care time for you to be able to continue working and function positively.”

“Exhaustion is a thing.”

“She is being dramatic but you need to have the conversation regarding stress relief.”

“Your wife has found and established her way.”

“Now you need to find yours.” ~ Jill_glasgow_mhnurse

“NTA. I was ready to bite YTA for the babysitting comment in the title, but if that’s what OP and his wife call it, then to each their own.”

“I am a SAHM with a husband who works construction… so 72-84 hour weeks in the summer are not uncommon.”

“You deserve time off and shouldn’t have to leave the house to get it.”

“If I were your wife, I probably would have taken the kids out for the day to give you extra quiet/alone time.” ~ craftymama45

“NTA. Read any parenting book and it’ll tell you that it’s totally normal to get burned out of parenting.”

“The whole point of parenting together is to be able to have space when you need it.”

“OP was very clear in communicating that he needed a break for a single day.”

“That is exactly how he should have handled the situation.”

“OP did everything exactly right.”

“He even was willing to help a little despite his needs.”

“The wife is 100% the AH here by not caring at all about the needs of her partner.”

“It was a reasonable request, OP didn’t ask for a month away or anything.”

“Just one single day.”

“And the wife was too inconsiderate to oblige.”

“Especially after taking multiple multi-day trips during the year where OP willingly parents solo the entire time.”

“That’s incredibly selfish and shows what a bad partner she is.” ~ RavenclawRanger85

“NTA mate, my partner doesn’t ask for it but he works hard for us and he gives his best to be an attentive father and takes over entirely for short bursts to give me a break even when he’s dead tired.”

“What do I do?”

“I do all the house chores (which he’ll still help with occasionally) and take the kids away from the house a few times a month for a few hours so he can just be at peace in a quiet house.”

“Your battery needed recharging, your wife agreed and then completely disregarded her promise and your needs.” ~Melbee86

“This sub only ever plays the semantics game when they need something to vote the man an AH.”

“Husband says that his SAHM wife ‘doesn’t work?'”

“Well ignore the fact that he probably means that she doesn’t have a paid occupation in the workforce and go and crucify him for ‘thinking SAHM’s do nothing all day!'”

“Husband says babysitting? Burn him already!” ~ citizenecodrive31

“SAHM is another siren.”

“People say often on AITA when this comes up (and someone in these replies has already said it too) that no job is as hard as a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] D[ad]. Absolutely laughable.”

“In their attempts to justify that being a SAHP is difficult, which it is, some people are incapable of acknowledging that work outside the home absolutely sucks too.”

“There are multiple subs dedicated to just this!”

“And then those parents come home and have to do more parenting work.”

“We can recognize hard work in both situations.”  ~ Rooney_Tuesday

“Yeah, when he first said she babysits the kids, it made me pause, but it became clear that’s just how he refers to being on parent duty.”

“I’m a little concerned at the signs of abuse here.”

“Moving him to her home state, not adhering to explicit agreements, possibly giving him the silent treatment depending on what he means by ‘acting cold,’ taking time away for herself but being unpleasant when he tries to do the same.”

“All things that could just be selfishness or even kind of OK on their own or in a certain context, but altogether it’s seeming a bit toxic.”

“OP, when do you get time for yourself?”

“What happens if you raise concerns with your wife?”

“Do you feel your needs are usually treated with the same degree of importance as hers?”

“This seems like quite an unbalanced setup from what you’ve written here.”

“You deserve equal time off from responsibility.”

“Early in parenting, that often means nobody gets much time off, but if she can do out-of-state trips regularly now, then you deserve that kind of time off too.”

“It’s not reasonable to have it denied you just because you prefer to spend your downtime at home doing introvert activities.”

“NTA but please step back and reflect on whether this is an equal partnership.”

“You deserve that just as much as she does.” ~ Chance-Lavishness947

“NTA. Your wife is a selfish AH.”

“Clueless about your work hours and how stressed you have been.”

“She couldn’t even give you the one day to yourself you had asked for in advanced.”

“She gets to go away on trips 3 to 4 times a year, getting a break from home and the kids.”

“However, she calls you selfish for taking a few hours to get away from the house because she couldn’t give you some peace and quiet.”

“You have two kids, and yet you still have to help out with chores at home. What the hell does she do?” ~ Scarryfish

“If it was an emergency or your wife was sick, something unpredictable, I would have said to suck it up, buttercup.”

“But bathing and homework?”

“She agreed that your day off would be a day off from chores and kids.”

“When she goes on trips 3-4 per year, she gets that. NTA.” ~ SpeakingNight

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

It feels like the two of you made an agreement.

You reminded her several times about said agreement.

Yes, parenting is a 24/7 job, but it’s also nice when partners can give one another breaks.

Sounds like the two of you may need a more calm and serious discussion about these instances in the future.

Good luck.