Sadly, we still live in a world full of judgement and bias.
Hopefully we will move away from that sometime soon, but until that happens, it is understandable to want to keep some things private from your closed-minded coworkers.
Redditor lesspersonalaccount encountered this very issue with his boyfriend. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for telling my boyfriend’s colleagues what I do for a living?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24M) and my boyfriend (24M) have been together for about 3 years. We met in our final year of university at 21.”
“He’s a primary school teacher and I’m a drag queen and performer. I have been doing drag since I was 19 and before I met him. I usually work 4/5 nights a week while he does the usual teaching hours.”
“I would also like to add that he is usually supportive of my career and tries to attend at least one show a month.”
“After every school year, the school throws a little celebration for the staff to show they appreciate the work done throughout the year.”
“The majority of the staff attend, including the headteacher and board of governors. Staff are also allowed to bring their SO.”
OP was nervous about meeting his boyfriend’s coworkers.
“This would have been our first time going to the party as he started the job the previous September. When he told me about it, he said that I didn’t have to go if I was performing but the perks of being a performer are that I have a greater freedom over my working hours so I told him I would move things and I’d attend with him.”
“He seemed pleased when I told him.”
“A couple of days before the party, he mentioned that I didn’t have to go with him if I wanted to perform but again, I told him it wasn’t a problem and I’d love to go.”
“He then told me that he hadn’t told his colleagues what I do that a living and he just told them I was in theatre. I was a bit taken aback because he’s always been supportive of my career and I’m not ashamed of what I do, in fact, I love it more than any other job I’ve had.”
“I asked him if he was embarrassed about what I did, and he said he wasn’t it was just that his colleagues are professionals and that they might not understand my job or may have some issue with it.”
Then, the party happened.
“So, the night of the party comes around and he asks me to just say I’m a theatre performer.”
“I didn’t answer and just continued to get ready and met him outside when we were leaving. The party started fine but then people started mingling and people asking questions about me (it was my first time meeting most of his colleagues).”
“When they asked what I did as a career, I completely ignored my boyfriend’s request and stated that I’m a drag queen and work on the club scene.”
“Most were intrigued as I think it was their first time meeting a queen and asked a lot of questions and I told funny stories, and everything seemed to enjoy them. I noticed a couple of people giving me the side eye when I mentioned it, but I gave them no mind.”
“When the party was over, my boyfriend and I had an argument and he said that I had jeopardized his career at the school as people would judge him and treat him differently now for what his SO does as a career.”
“He said that people wouldn’t take him seriously and that he would be a laughingstock at the school. I told him that I was proud of what I do, and I wouldn’t pretend to be something I’m not just to try and portray a certain image he wants people to see.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“I’m really conflicted on this. Honestly, you should definitely live your truth, but at the same time, people are going to judge him differently now since we live in a very homophobic/anti-fluid society in general. A lot of people in the school system such as administrators could look at him differently and not take him as seriously because of it. And that’s an unfortunate reality.”
“I’m going to say YTA here. He asked you not to tell anyone. If you had planned to tell people, you should have told him beforehand.”
“He has to work with these people everyday, you don’t. It affects him more than you.” ~ KimmyKibbles
“OP should have just told the boyfriend he wasn’t going to attend the party if he couldn’t be his most authentic self.”
“It is 100% fine for OP to not want to hide his work, but his boyfriend also has the right to a career, and boyfriend rightly believe that this could cause an issue, based on this line from OP: ‘I noticed a couple of people giving me the side eye when I mentioned it, but I gave them no mind.'” ~ RedditUser123234
“and that’s the gist – OP basically ‘outed’ his partner in a situation where OP knew his profession may be misinterpreted or lorded over his partner. Is it right to have to downplay your true self? NO.”
“But it is reality, and the person OP cares about most asked him for this small temporary favor within his professional world. There is always a time to let it all out. Maybe not the very first group event, especially if your loved one asked nicely and offered reasons.”
“This should be about TAKING CARE OF YOUR PARTNER. Not proving a point. There so much time to do that! dang – why do people hurt their loved ones just to prove a point to IDIOTS?!?” ~ effyoucreeps
“Could imagine the potential ramifications if students and their parents found out? I can’t see a group of teenagers taking this well. OP’s BF has a right to keeping things private at work.” ~ Glittering_knave
OP’s boyfriend doesn’t have to disclose everything about his personal life to his coworkers.