Parents want the best for their kids, even when they’ve grown up.
This extends to wanting the best work environment for them too.
So when one mom was concerned over the role her actress daughter took she intervened. Upset by her mother’s actions, the Redditor turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement on her mom and work dilemma.
She asked:
“AITA for not leaving my dream job even thought it makes my mum uncomfortable?”
The OP (original poster) explained the bit of work that got her mom upset:
“So I (18f) work in the drama and music industry. As a result, I meet a lot of people from every background. Recently I’ve been part of a project that requires me to work with a group of older people ranging from ages 18-40.”
“None of us knew each other before starting the project, but it’s been 6ish months and we’re all quite close friends. My role in this performance is a girl who is in a relationship with someone who’s 30- and the actor is 32.”
“I’m fine with this role- there’s a lot of safe-guarding surrounding it and I have no issue with speaking my mind if I’m uncomfortable. I also know the directors have my back as they fired someone who was being too handsy, so I feel safe overall.”
”My mum also knows about the role and is not too happy with it. I get it can be uncomfortable, but I cannot explain how amazing everyone is when we (myself and 32) have to do scenes together. Yesterday I came into work and was immediately asked by the producer and director to come into the back.”
“They explained that my mum had been sending emails and phoning the company about my roll and how it’s ‘not healthy’ for them to cast me. They said they weren’t going to fire me, which was a relief to hear, but I was still angry with my mum for contacting them.”
“When I got home, I started to yell at her for contacting my place of work because of her own issues. She said she doesn’t feel comfortable with the role I have and simply wanted me to be changed to the ensemble.”
“I’m not going to pretend I’m the most intelligent person in the world- I’m naïve and young, but I feel that as long as i feel comfortable, I should be allowed to do this role.”
“AITA for keeping my role?”
The OP asked Redditors to weigh in and rule:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors understood her mothers concerns however, they deemed her actions inappropriate and sided with OP declaring NTA.
“NTA but as a fellow actor I’m annoyed with the person who cast you and 32. I’m glad to hear that there’s intimacy coaches and mental health professionals on site and everyone is being careful and has your back but the ethics of casting an 18 year old to be in a relationship with someone nearly twice their age is dubious.”
“No matter how careful they’re being. Just because the characters are 30 and 18 doesn’t mean they have to cast a 30yr old and an 18yr old. This industry has a habit of exploiting young women and I’m frustrated with your director for feeding into that even if they’re doing everything else right.”~DepressedDyslexic
“NTA Although I do understand your mum’s concerns given everything that’s been coming out over the last few years about abuse in the entertainment industry.”
“As long as you’ve explained to her the safeguarding that’s been put in place, you’re perfectly entitled to tell her to get out of your professional life. She needs to back off before she causes severe damage to your relationship.”~Dimac99
“NTA. Your mother’s reaction to the plot is understandable, but her interference is not. Did you guys have an actual conversation about this?”
“I’m talking about actually explaining to your mom about the production crew having your back if needed, and you telling her about what you told Reddit. It can help put her mind at ease. Your mother has a problem with it because so many grown-*ss men target younger women.”
“So it might help if you assure her this is entirely professional and you’re capable of discerning a coworker from a love interest. I’m saying all this because I dealt with overprotective parents (and grandparents) all my life.”
“While I’m not a fan of their ‘parenting style’, I know they only had my best interests in mind and, because I was too quiet at home, they must have thought I would be quiet if something was wrong. I don’t want to excuse your mother’s behavior, she was over the line. But you will both benefit from a peaceful outcome.”~Alresponseable
“NTA. Even if I feel some understanding to your mother for worrying about your safety, it was completely manipulative and underhanded to go behind your back and try to convince your boss to ‘reassign’ you.”
“The mature thing to do was to come to you and talk about her feelings about your job, but this tactic is the last thing she should’ve done. You’re 18; let her know that you understand her concerns, but you know you will be safe and are protected by people you trust.”~Treeflower77
“NTA. You’re 18 now. If you’re comfortable and acting makes you happy, go ahead. It doesn’t sound like there’s any reason for your mom to be concerned about you being exploited.”
“She’s definitely an AH though. It’s one thing for her to voice her concerns to you, it’s a whole different one to interfere in your job by calling the producer and director. She had no right to do that.”~PotentialityKnocks
“NTA. It’s one thing for OP’s mother to have serious reservations about this role and OP’s age vs the male actor’s age, and to express those reservations to OP. Even to express it several times (parents get to be parents and have opinions even when their kids turn 18).”
“But it’s never OK for mother to call OP’s place of employment. No. Not ever.”
“She messed with OP’s employment, could have jeopardized it, clearly made the producer/director have concerns enough to talk it over with OP.”
“Mother is way out of line and OP is perfectly within her rights to tell mother to back way off and never, never contact any employer again or OP will have to reconsider how close she remains to her.”
“I’m not big on kneejerk cutting contact. Stop telling mother about certain things, leaving her out of parts of OP’s life is more what I’d do if she crossed the line again…unless it lost OP a job, then harsher response would be understandable.” ~ sailingisgreat
It is important to respect the choices of other adults, even when that adult is your child. It’s almost never appropriate to contact someone’s work.