Redditor threwmyplants is a 16-year-old male who took up an interest in plants thanks to a visiting aunt who literally planted the seed of curiosity in him that sprouted into a dedicated hobby.
But there was one member of the family that did not approve of the teen’s green thumb.
Upon making a cruel discovery as a consequence of his passion, he retaliated the only way he knew how.
After being reprimanded for his behavior, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for ignoring my dad on his birthday because he threw out my (16m) plants?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (16M) never been into plants before until my aunt came to visit us from Wyoming and she gave me seeds because I told her I’m bored from home doing school online.”
“She brought some for my grandma but she gave some to me too so maybe I could try and see if I like it. And I really did.”
“Like sh*t I was even taking the bus to Home Depot and buying pots and good soil for my plants and looking up how to take care of them. The one I loved the most was my peace Lily and it just felt good when I saw them grow cause I’m the one taking care of them.”
“My dad always thought it was dumb. He never tells me why, just that he thinks it stupid to waste time on plants and that’s not a ‘guy’ thing.”
“My dad always wants me doing other stuff not looking up how to take care of more plants especially cause I was talking to them if I could make a garden in the back with other stuff.”
“Last week after coming home from my cousins game all my pots and stuff were gone from my room. It’s cause he threw them out in the morning because I need to do something else with my free time. And idk it made me wanna cry.”
“My mom yelled at him after I told her what he did but he never told me he’s sorry. For me it sucks because I worked hard to take care of them. For him to throw it away w/o telling me.”
“All week even today for his birthday I don’t talk to him when he tries to. Today didn’t even tell him happy birthday which got him really mad, now my mom is definitely thinking I’m going too far.”
“She thinks it’s already in the past so it’s not fair to hold them against him and it’s even more rude not to tell him happy birthday. But I really don’t wanna talk to him. He hurt my feelings bad.”
“But is it bad that I’m ignoring him. I’m doing it because rn I’m too mad to wanna talk to him about anything, also because it obviously bothers him a lot so that’s why I keep doing it. Does that make me TA since it was his bday today?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors came to the defense of the OP.
“NTA dude. Your Dad is sexist and a bully. You found joy in something and he was wrong to take it from you.”
“My mom destroyed a split leaf philodendron I grew from a baby years ago. I still harbor anger about it.”
“You have a nurturing nature. You aunt saw that and your plants came from your grandma. Of course they were special.”
“Your dad was wrong and your mom is too for dismissing your feelings. Your dad hurt you deeply when he threw them out.”
“He needs to be sorry first before healing can begin. Great big hugs to you OP. So sorry for your loss.” – Plus-Weakness-6863
“Tell your aunt and grandmother what he did. Also tell your mother it is not in the past, and it won’t be put in the past until he apologises and replaces everything he threw away. Continue ignoring him completely.”
“When your mother says to stop just repeat ‘No. He has not apologised, and he has not replaced what he destroyed.’ again and again.”
“Your father is also a sexist moron, who think plants and flowers are too ‘girly.’ There are plenty if successful careers which can relate to a love of plants, such as landscaping, farming/cultivation of some sort, environmental protection, botany (and other scientific careers), and more.”
“You can even be a florist, or work in events and decorative careers, although I’m sure your fathers head would explode with those ones.” – Ok-Beginning-5922
“This is horrible and I’m truly hurting for you, OP. Discovering a passion like this is special and can end up being far more than a hobby – this could be the start of a career in landscape gardening or horticulture.”
“But right now, it was just a cruel parent crushing something you love because it didn’t comply with their outdated, sexist view of the world. Of course you are NTA and I hope that in the future you’ll be able to nurture a full garden of your own.” – beneaththeseracs
“NTA. Your mom is wrong, and your dad sounds like he has issues with toxic masculinity. I’ve known tons of male gardeners, horticulturists, arborists, botanists, etc. I’ve also known a bunch who were female.”
“The issue isn’t plants and gender. The issue is your dad deliberately destroyed something you loved and had worked on carefully. Definitely a dick move.” – BookLuvr7
“NTA. He took away something you loved and nurtured, you’re taking away something he claims to love and nurture (you), except he hasn’t been showing you he loves and cares for you, because he’s hung up on toxic masculinity.”
“I hope you move out as soon as you can to a place with a lush garden you can tend to to your hearts desire.” – IncognitoRowan
“NTA. A week ago is not exactly ‘in the past’ and he hasn’t apologized to you. He destroyed months of work on something that you care about.”
“Sure, the silent treatment is not exactly the mature way of dealing with things when you’re an adult, but you’re in a situation where he has the power to destroy your stuff with no consequences. The silent treatment is one of the only consequences that you can impose on him.”
“If you want to, you could offer to your mother to break the silent treatment when he apologizes and replaces your plants & supplies. Perhaps ask how she would feel if he had destroyed her hobby a week ago.” – Fae_druid
“Yea NTA. Here’s the thing though, you live there. You are a minor. You are going to have to cohabitate for a couple more years. Once you turn 18 (assuming you’re in the US), you can move out and ignore him forever.”
“Until then, you have to decide what the best option is for you to make your life easier.”
“I would tell your aunt what’s happening. Tell her about the sexist things he said, tell her about him destroying your plants, and tell her you are ignoring him because he refuses to apologize.”
“If there’s a possibility that you will get thrown out (your dad seems the type), making your aunt aware of the situation will mean that you’re more likely to have somewhere to go.” – User avatar
“NTA. You’re better than I am, I’d be all snotty ‘Happy first birthday after you invaded my space, disrespected my privacy and stole and destroyed my only hobby, and broke any trust I had in either of my parents.'”
“I hope you told everyone that sent you supplies or asked about your hobby what happened. A week is not ‘the past’, that’s bullsh*t and your mother is rugsweeping and downplaying what happened, shame on her.”
“If you destroyed all of her perfumes and cosmetics and jewelry and ran off to spend the weekend at your grandmother’s and came back a week later and acted surprised she was still mad, cause it’s been A WEEK, RIGHT? That’s in the past? You’d see an entirely different attitude, and you know what?”
“Don’t do it, cause SHE STILL WOULD NOT ‘GET IT’.”
“Who does your dad think does the backbreaking landscaping depts in Home Depot and Lowes? Who does he think does the most gardening and landscaping work for major companies? How is this not ‘masculine’ ?”
“It’s hard work transplanting potted plants into outdoor gardens, and very rewarding. It teaches about long term rewards and benefits, and nature, and so many other beneficial things.”
“I’m sorry this happened, OP. I’d hug you know, if I could.” – AbbyFB6969
“NTA – You only owe him your attention if he apologizes. Be open to giving him the chance to apologize. If he hasn’t, then you’re NTA. He needs to apologize for what he did.” – VampireFlorin
Overall, many Redditors argued that taking care of plants was not a gender-specific activity, and they continued admonishing the father for going as far as destroying and getting rid of all the plants his son had spent so much time taking care of.