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Teen Wonders If He Should Tell His Older Sister That Her Boyfriend Bullies Him Behind Her Back

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Many young victims of bullying are harassed at school or online.

But Redditor ThrowRAbeatup12—a teenage boy—is being physically and emotionally tormented by his bully in his own home.

Fearing backlash, he chose to stay silent. But the situation has become too much to bear.

So he sought some guidance on the Relationship Advice subReddit, where he asked:

“Should I (14 m[ale]) tell my sister (20 f[emale]) that her boyfriend (21 m[ale]) has been bullying me?”

The Original Poster (OP) began by describing his family situation.

“My sister has been home since [the virus] started and her university shut down. Our mom works as a nurse so she hasn’t been home since the pandemic.”

“Our dad lives in a different state since the divorce. My sister brought her boyfriend Kyle (not his real name) though, which my mom was cool with.”

“For a bit of information about me, I’m a very short guy (5’2) and skinny guy and I am what most of you would consider a nerd. I’m very close with my sister though, cause when we were growing up it was pretty much just the two of us cause mom always worked and dad wasn’t in the picture.”

“Kyle was nice to me at first but after a few weeks of living with him he’s started being meaner and meaner to me. Here’s a short list of some of the things he does to me on a regular basis.”

“He takes my snacks and meals from the fridge without asking.”

“I have food allergies so I sometimes go hungry because of this. These are food that I get delivered to me on a weekly basis so when I’m out, I have to wait for another week to get more.”

“He deleted my save files on my Switch and ps4.”

“He calls me p*ssy when we’re alone.”

“When I’m watching anime in the living room, he makes fun of me, takes the remote and watches whatever.”

“He would hit me on the side of the head when he walks by me.”

“Yesterday, when he took my laptop and I wanted to get it back, he punched me in the gut. The bruise is still there.”

“He told me that if I told my sister, he would do something worse.”

However, the OP’s sister sees a very different side of Kyle.

“He’s nice to me when she’s around though, but she’s always in the home office.”

“She still has online classes and works from home so she’s swamped almost every day. The few hours she spends with me a day are the only times when I really feel safe.”

“The thing is, my sister is super happy right now. She gushes about how much of a nice guy he is and how well he treats her.”

“She says she’s happy that we get along (lies) and is hoping that he would be a good influence on me.”

“I don’t want to tell her cause I feel like growing up, I robbed her of her youth cause she had to spend some weekends with me when mom had to work.”

“My bruise is still there so there’s evidence that he really is abusive. I’m having second thoughts about telling her though cause I know she’ll be very sad about it or, worse, she might take his side.”

“What do you guys think I should do? I want him gone but I don’t want to cause my sister any pain.”

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take though. [The pandemic] has been hell.”

Most Redditors encouraged the OP to talk to his mother first.

“Tell your sister and your mum. You shouldn’t have to deal with that in your home.” – _raq_

“I would suggest you tell your mom first. No matter how exhausted she might be after her shifts, and even if you have to wake up at a weird time to catch her when she’s home from work, she needs to know and she can help you tell your sister.”

“Then the three of you can hopefully be on the same page with the boyfriend.” – elefantstampede

“Tell your mom first and tell her everything. Take a picture of your bruise. When she gets home just say, mom I have something important to tell you – can we please talk? And let her know you’re scared.”

“As a mother, no matter how tired or miserable I was from a day after work, would perk up immediately and tend to my child. Then, together, you guys can talk about it to sister.”

“Be safe, OP. Take the advice that he could easily do the same to sister. In private he acts like this to you, in front of others he’s Prince Charming.”

“Could easily be the same scenario sister is in. Abuse is a real psychotic freak out for the person on the receiving side – again, as someone who’s been on that side. I’ll be looking for your update.” – abriechz

“I agree with this 100%. Mom needs to know first. She’s the ‘owner’ of the home, pays the bills, etc. Then after she knows, you both need to talk to the sister and get him the F out.”

“Sorry about the implied language. I’m a parent first and even though I have a wife (step-parent) and roommate, my daughter comes first. She is my blood, my child and my responsibility. If she wasn’t safe, I have to make sure she is safe and so should your mom.”

“I can only imagine how hard it will be with her working so many hours, but she needs to know. Taking your food, now punching you. That is ABUSE! Guy needs serious help and the first help he needs is out of YOUR life.” – TalviKavat

When someone told the OP to tell his sister, he asked:

“Should I just randomly show her where Kyle hit me?”

They responded:

“Just approach her politely and let her know that things have been going on and you want her to know about them.”

“As a big sister I can almost guarantee she will do what she needs to to fix the situation. I know you want her to be happy but she’ll be much happier knowing she put your safety (and possibly hers) first.” – discolemonvde

The OP worried he would be blamed for any breakup and for “ruining a good thing.”

The same Redditor replied:

“I doubt she will be mad at you but I don’t know her so that is not a promise I can make to you. But no it would not be your fault at all!!”

“100% his for being awful to you. Telling her sooner than later can help her dodge a major bullet.”

“I know you’re worried about her but you have to step up for yourself and let her and your mom know what’s going on so it can stop before it gets any worse.”

When the OP expressed concern the truth might make things worse, another Redditor replied:

“Honey, even if she does get a little upset at first, she will get over it with time.”

“Look at it like this: he used to be nice to you just like he’s nice to her, but now he’s hurting you and making threats..how long do you think before he starts doing the same to your sister?”

“In the end, you could be saving her life someday by telling her now. And if she refuses to believe, you need to tell your mother, too. Only a sick man would bully and assault a child, and he needs to leave your home ASAP.” – Acct0424

“A grown man bullying a fourteen year old is exactly the kind of man to abuse his own child, if not also his wife/girlfriend. If anything, tell her in order to warn her for her own safety.”

“I get being worried she’ll be mad, and of course there’s a chance she will be. But would you rather let yourself, and potentially her and her future children, be beaten down by this man because you were worried how she’d react?”

“How would you feel if you found out he hit her and you could have done something? Instead of worrying about how she will react to you if you say something, worry about how he may start to react to her if you don’t.” – Bee1003

After deciding his sister could be next, he updated the post.

“Small update: I’m hiding in my room right now. I have a few snacks here and some water so I won’t go hungry anytime soon. Kyle is outside playing with my playstation so I’m keeping my door locked.”

“I will tell my sister. Everyone says he’ll hurt her and I don’t want that to happen.”

No one should feel frightened or unsafe in their own home. Hopefully the OP gained the insight they need so they can stop having to live with a bully.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a New York-based actor and writer. Originally hailing from Los Angeles, he received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese. Disney parks are his passion, and endless cups of coffee are a necessity. Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1