You never know what someone else is going through.
So chose to lead with kindness.
That expression had been very front and center these last few years.
If you don’t know for sure, assume nothing about another person.
Case in point…
Redditor TheaterOfGhosts wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for mentioning I had cancer?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi, I (17 F[emale]) am a cancer survivor, yep pretty cool right?”
“However I don’t tell everyone because it’s not typically their business, so here’s how I got this story…”
“I was out with dinner with my friends and a brand new group of friends who had recently joined my group.”
“They are a bunch of dudes. So I normally hang around the people I’m closest with.”
“Well, one thing to note about me, I am very. Very. Very skinny.”
“As in I’m very obviously someone who is either sick or dealing with something else (I’m sick),”
“I’m currently 80lbs and still struggle with food intolerance and whatever, but I know how to handle it and everything.”
“The night of the dinner I wore a short sleeve, I have really skinny and boney arms and it’s definitely noticeable but I don’t mind- the new guys immediately starting mentioning it.”
“At first I thought they were being nice, with stuff like ‘are you ok?’ etc.”
“But one guy made a comment about me being weak.”
“I won’t lie, yes I’m not strong, I’m not someone who can bench 150 pounds, sometimes I can barely pull myself out of the shower, but I am not weak.”
“So, I said this, ‘Y’know what, I’m the strongest f**king one sitting at this table, anyone can bench weights but not everyone can beat f**king cancer.”
“Yeah. I made dinner awkward for the rest of the night and ended up leaving early.”
“Now everyone is being weird about me and asking why I lashed out like that.”
“I honestly think I’m pretty reasonable.”
“Reddit, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA: people need to learn already NOT TO COMMENT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLES BODIES!”
“You’re a warrior; be proud.” ~ tkdwarriorprincess
“OP, As a fellow cancer survivor, I’m very proud of you and I absolutely love your response to those nosey AHs.”
“You’re most certainly NOT the AH. You are the GOAT.” ~ bustakita
“Me too. But I’m fat, because the cancer treatments have messed up my hormone and autoimmune systems so bad.”
“I then get the comments ‘I always thought cancer patients were skinny’ or ‘but you don’t look like you have cancer.'”
“Since when can you tell someone has cancer just by looking at them??”
“It’s like they are calling you a liar, as you don’t look like the Hollywood version….grrrr!!!”
“You are so NTA!” ~ DuchessDragonfly
“It’s so simple, yet people keep doing it and getting answers they’re upset by. Shocker.”
“Anyone who questions your body, and even more when making jokes about it, get to deal with the fall out.”
“Easy as that.”
“I kept getting so many compliments about my weight loss and how good I looked.”
“And people joked about how I finally got my eating under control. I was literally so ill, waiting for a surgery.”
“That eating anything but broth hurt me to the point I needed an ambulance. For months.”
“Stop. It. Leave people’s bodies alone. It’s super easy.” ~ asaleika
“NTA. Literally they are chewing off their own limbs.”
“Keep pushing that boundary then someone calls them out or holds them accountable.”
“All of a sudden it’s an attack on them because their ego bubble got popped.” ~ Air0729
“Rule of thumb for commenting on anything about another person’s appearance: if it can be fixed in under 10 minutes, say something.”
“If it can’t, shut up.”
“I have food in my teeth, or my tag is sticking out, or I’m headed out in a stained shirt?”
“Yes, absolutely tell me.”
“You don’t like my haircut, or I’m over/underweight, or I’m already out with a stained shirt and no way to cover it?”
“Shut the hell up, it’s not your business.” ~ palacesofparagraphs
“Exactly!”
“I’m dealing with cancer right now, and if someone had made a similar comment to me I would have responded in a similar way.”
“Be proud of what you’ve achieved, OP. NTA at all.” ~ MirSydney
“This!!! OP you are amazing!!!”
“You have been through so much. You are strong.”
“How dare they comment about your body. You set them straight.”
“The ones commenting to you about lashing out have no idea what it is to walk in your shoes.”
“How dare they. You’ve been through a lot and gotten through it.”
“Very proud of you! You’re strong! You’re amazing!” ~ Each0to0their0own
“NTA. Harping on someone’s body is a good way to embarrass yourself when they reveal there‘s a medical condition causing it.”
“They f**ked around and found out.”
“Play cruel games, win cruel prizes.”
“As a teen, I got asked pretty regularly who did my boobs.”
“I did naturally have large boobs (topped out at the border of H/I on a 32 band).”
“But it was super creepy to be 16-18 years old and have random people walk up and compliment me on cosmetic surgery I’d never had.”
“And had no intention of even considering, as my natural endowment was already contributing to back and shoulder issues.”
“My thyroid crapped out when I was 19, and I put on a little weight (15-20lbs), and the constant boob job comments stopped.”
“But then I became disabled as a young adult, and went on 2 meds the same year that combined to cause a 60lb weight gain.”
“Which was almost half my original weight – I went from high 130s to almost 200lbs.”
“And suddenly had people making up new sh**ty comments about my body.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“NTA. You showed you were a badass in two ways:”
“1, for sticking up for yourself and…”
“2, because you beat cancer…”
“Sure it was awkward, but it’ll be as chill as you want it to be next time you’re all together.” ~ tjk5150
“NTA. As someone who is also going through health issues and underweight I’ll just say, phuck those guys!”
“And just a reminder to anyone reading, everyone gets sick with something someday; it’s just a matter of when, so be humble and appreciate life.”
“Happy for you, OP, and sending you a big hug and hope that continue to recover.” ~ Historical_Teacher_6
“NTA. Nobody has the right to call anyone weak.”
“They don’t have any idea what you’ve been through.”
“You’re right, you were the strongest person there.”
“Never let anyone insult you like that.” ~ GayGunGuy
“NTA at all, they were so rude.”
“On the other hand, my advice would be to just be careful about equating whether or not you can recover from cancer to how strong you are.”
“A lot of people have relatives who have died from cancer.”
“And you might run into trouble in future implying that some people beat it because they are mentally stronger than the people who die from it.”
“I know that’s not what anyone means with the warrior language around cancer.”
“And that going through cancer treatment is pretty damn tough.”
“But it does sometimes hurt people who don’t have a realistic chance of a cure from chemo/radiotherapy or surgery.”
“In the worst cases sometimes their deterioration, lack of appetite, altered metabolism and death is blamed on them ‘giving up’ or not wanting it enough when actually it is completely out of their control.” ~ colonialpeacefurnace
“NTA. The guy deserves to be called out on his a**hole behavior.”
“Personally, though, I don’t like your statement in the larger context, if I’m honest.”
“As someone who has lost people to cancer, I find this ‘strong enough to beat cancer’ toxic.”
“It leads to it being interpreted as a personal failure if you ‘aren’t strong enough’ to beat cancer.”
“My aunt’s last words as she was dying were that she was so sorry she wasn’t stronger and leaving her children behind.”
“No matter what we said, we couldn’t get through to her.”
“With that memory, I would have reacted strangely to your statement as well.”
“You were strong no question but beating cancer also takes a lot of luck, good doctors and genetic conditions that not everyone has.” ~ vox_acris
“NTA. What you said was true, its fucking hard to survive cancer, and I would know as I too am a cancer survivor.”
“And even if you were just naturally skinny, the comment about being weak was downright rude.”
“And if no one sees a problem with it then they need a reality check.”
“Keep going strong OP.” ~ blue_mist_4182
“NTA. What you said was 100% true.”
“I would be asking friends that have an issue ‘Is my beating cancer something I should be ashamed of?'”
“Be proud of your strength – those guys are weak minded.” ~ No-Negotiation3152
OP, Reddit is here to speak up for you.
That is for sure.
Congratulations on being a warrior.
You keep focusing on you and chose your friends wisely.