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Woman Sparks Drama By Telling Overweight Sister She Needs To Wear Work Clothes That ‘Fit Her’


Someone’s weight is a very sensitive and intimate issue.

No one needs to be told they are overweight.

So how do people have a caring conversation if they’re concerned about an overweight person?

This is the new question humans face.

Case in point…

Redditor bubblebassjoe wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for telling my overweight sister she should wear clothes that fit her?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (30 F[emale]) love my sister (24), we get along great.”

“Growing up not so much.”

“My sister has always struggled with other weight issues to the point that we were NEVER allowed to use the word fat, even if it wasn’t to describe a person.”

“She had worked through a lot of her confidence issues but once our mom passed she regressed mentally and began binge eating.”

“She is now much heavier but refuses to buy new clothes.”

“This has been over the past couple of years.”

“I never said anything before because of how sensitive this topic is for her.”

“Well she got a ‘big girl job.'”

“She started a week ago.”

“We met up for lunch and as she walked in and her stomach was hanging out.”

“She fixed it but then it immediately came out again.”

“I asked her if she was W[ork] F[rom[ H[ome] or in the office.”

“She said in the office and I told her her stomach was out and she said that she knew and was fixing it all day.”

“I told her to go shopping with me this weekend and we’ll get clothes that fit her and I’ll pay since she hasn’t gotten a check.”

“She said they do fit her and that I shouldn’t body shame her.”

“I explained that she can wear whatever she wants but it’s not appropriate for an office job.”

“She started crying and stormed out.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. This is not ok for an office job.”

“You were NOT body shaming her.”

“You were simply stating she needed a shirt that covered her belly.”

“I don’t care what anyone says in this sub, YOU WERE NOT BODY SHAMING HER!” ~ concernedreader1982

“I was thinking the same thing.”

“I don’t wear a bra.”

“I wear a tank top (always the exact same in different colors) and when I’m going out, I put a sweatshirt over it.”

“Last week, I had taken my sweatshirt off and didn’t think anything of it.”

“My friend pointed out that it was torn (my necklace tore it as I was taking my sweatshirt off,) and that half my breast was pretty much out.”

“I thanked her and thought of how awful that would’ve been had nearly anyone else had seen that and said something.”

“To me, words between friends are much different than the same words between strangers.” ~ Rascaliest

“I’m pretty fat myself, so I exclusively wear dresses with bike shorts underneath to my job.”

“All my areas are covered and I rarely have to worry about anything shifting or riding up.”

“Maybe OP’s sister would be more comfortable trying something like that?”

“It definitely helped me feel less self conscious after my weight gain.”

“It keeps my tummy decently hidden and as a bonus, a lot of people see dresses and assume I’m being fancy LOL.”

“I know it’s probably hard for the sister to hear, but I agree that OP definitely isn’t the a**hole for pointing it out.”

“I would be genuinely upset if my sister let me walk out of the house and go to my job without making sure I was aware.” ~ amitychicky

“Even at retail jobs, you can get fired for dress code violations including ‘inappropriate dress.'”

“OPs sister won’t be able to defend herself when she loses her job.”

“It’s not about weight, it’s about professionalism. NTA.”  ~ aquavenatus

“I’d argue it’s the opposite of body shaming.”

“OP didn’t tell her sister to lose weight or mock her.”

“She offered to get her clothes that would be more comfortable, fit her body better and thus look better, which in my experience would help her feel better about herself.”

“I’ve also struggled with weight all my life.”

“Keeping clothes that don’t fit me around has never motivated me.”

“If anything, it compounds the negativity and makes my relationship with food, exercise, and my body worse.”

“Forcing myself into clothes that make me hate myself because they’re too small and don’t look good won’t make the weight melt off.” ~ lilirose13

“That’s what I’m thinking, how can those clothes POSSIBLY be comfortable?!”

“I’m struggling with weight and working on losing some.”

“But I don’t try to squeeze into clothes several sizes too small, I just go get something in an appropriate size.”

“It’s not comfortable when you can’t even drink a glass of water without your pants cutting into your stomach, or your bra digging in all over, or constantly pulling shirts down (although, some styles just don’t stay down unless tucked in).”

“I wear looser fitting clothes and may look like a frumpy mess, but at least I’m comfy.” ~ ThisIsTemp0rary

“Absolutely. I’m not a huge fan of oversized clothes unless I’m lounging or working.”

“I feel better about myself in more tailored looks.”

“But they’re still comfortable because instead of deluding myself, I buy clothes in my size that don’t dig or pinch.”

“If I have to, I spend the $30-50 and take them to a pro to get them fitted.”

“It’s impossible to feel confident when you’re one deep breath away from a disaster, whether you’re in a T-shirt and leggings or a blouse and skirt.” ~ lilirose13

“As an overweight person I can honestly say that she has effectively weaponized her weight against the whole family.”

“You guys aren’t even allowed to say the word fat as if that makes her less fat.”

“And now she is weaponizing the positive body movement against you guys to avoid an honest discussion about her weight.”

“If she keeps this up she will easily eventually be a contestant on my 600 lb life.”

“I don’t think that she is in denial.”

“I think that she just knows how to get around it and make you guys feel horrible if you even think about mentioning it.”

“I have never met an overweight person that didn’t know that they were overweight.”

“That kind of weight doesn’t just sneak up on you.”

“10 -15 lbs can sneak up on you but not that much.”

“It’s time to stop tip toeing around her feelings and have an honest discussion with her.” ~ emmaheaven1

“I’ve been plus-size for most of my life and I know what body shaming looks like.”

“I’ve been on the receiving end of it a lot unfortunately.”

“I agree that this is not body shaming.”

“In fact, I think OPs sister could benefit mentally from new clothes as well!”

“Having clothes that actually flattered my body type has always helped me feel more confident.”  ~ ShadowsGirl9

“If anything, the insistence on wearing clothing which is too small is actually drawing attention to herself, and not good attention.”

“NTA OP, your sister may not recognize the kindness in your offer but this internet stranger does.” ~ s_ni

“Starting a new job and having to directly face the fact that my office clothes didn’t fit anymore was hard.”

“Even harder was going shopping because it was such a direct reminder that I have put on weight and finding clothes that fit and look good was tough.”

“I think the sister is terrified to admit she’s put on weight and she’s projecting on the OP.” ~ 0biterdicta

“NTA. It’s better to come from someone who loves her than from H[uman] Resources] when there has been a complaint about the dress code.” ~ walnutwithteeth

“I just said the same thing!”

“More embarrassing to hear it at the office which she eventually will.”

“Or the office gossip about how she doesn’t dress appropriately.”

“It doesn’t matter skinny or bigger there is a dress code we all have to adhere to.”

“Even a very thin girl can’t wear crop tops that show stomach at the office.” ~ Stock_Match5351

“Agree and as a flat chested thin person I have the opposite problem.”

“I’ve though a top fit until I leaned over (and my job involved leaning over at a counter and on the sales floor) or bent over and had my pants slide down my a**.”

“Better to hear from family or work friend than supervisor or HR. NTA.”

Clothes fitting correctly for work can be an issue for any size.” ~ blueheronflight

“If you’re fat, you’re fat.”

‘Why is the word such a problem?”

“I truly don’t understand why people are so weird about it. This…”

“We were NEVER allowed to use the word fat.”

“Is f**king ridiculous.”

“I’m fat. So what?”

“Denying reality is not going to help anyone.”

“If anything, it makes one more vulnerable to slurs and gibes and gives bullies another button to push.”

“People have called me fat as if it’s supposed to be some devastating checkmate blow and are stunned when I laugh and ask if that’s the best they’ve got.”

“It usually is because so many people act as though being fat is some heinous crime or moral failing.”

“That’s THEIR weakness, not mine.”

“That said, I definitely wear clothes that fit. NTA.”  ~ WetMonkeyTalk

Well OP, sounds like Reddit supports you.

It also supports your sister.

It maybe time for some family therapy.

You can be there for one another on all of these issues.

Good luck.