Preparing for a wedding is stressful enough. The last thing you need is a guest who may cause issues for the ones getting married.
When their dad and step-mom decided to finally tie the knot, Redditor AttackPoodle94 couldn’t be happier. But the original poster (OP) encountered an issue with one of their step-mom’s friends.
OP couldn’t stand their mother’s special day bring ruined and decided to do something about it. They asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit if they were too mean in their response.
Are they the titular a**hole?
“AITA for threatening to pour wine on someone’s dress?”
Or were they just protecting their step-mom’s feelings?
“My (28 NB[non-binary]) dad (50M[male]) and step-mum (60F[female]) are getting married later on this year. They’ve been together for almost 15 years and I’m so so happy for them.”
“They’re keeping things really low key and simple. I will be standing with my dad and my step mums friend Jill (64F) will be standing with her.”
“I picked a dress to wear and my step mum has seen it and loved it, my dress is cream but she doesn’t mind since she is wearing pink with a champagne pashmina. We went out a few weeks ago and got matching tattoos and lunch, during this lunch Jill messaged and she’d found a dress and sent a picture. It’s pink and gold.”
“She has seen my step mum’s dress. It’s the same colour.”
“Honestly the dress is also REALLY ugly, like really really ugly. Also, I wouldn’t say totally appropriate for a 64 year old woman, but that’s just my opinion.”
“My step mum tried to be nice about telling her no, that she’s the bride and her dress will overshadow her, that she’d prefer she picked a different colour etc. Jill just brushed it all off saying no one would be looking at her and not to be silly.”
“My step mum is not a confrontational person and won’t just say no.”
“I am. And I will. After a few days of this I messaged Jill and said no, you’re not wearing the dress, you’ve been told no, you’re making my step-mum uncomfortable, no.”
“She messages me back with the same shit and I warn her that if she DARED show up in that dress I would pour a bottle of red wine on her. The whole damn thing. So find something else.”
“No response. I visited my friend in another part of the country and we went to a shop and I sent her a picture of their red wine selection asking if she had a preference.”
“She messaged me back saying she wasn’t wearing the dress, I said that was good to hear.”
“I told my mum about it and she agreed with me but my grandma, step dad and aunt said I took it WAY too far. I should have left it to step mum. Step mum hasn’t really said anything, just that she’s glad Jill changed her mind and dad said it would be a shame to waste wine.”
OP threatened to ruin their mom’s friend’s dress if they went through with wearing it. While it’s understandable you don’t want to upstage the bride, was OP justified in their threat?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for threatening their mom’s friend with spilling wine on her dress by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
It may not have been the nicest way to go about it, but OP’s step-mom had that covered. When the friend refused to budge, OP had to take things into their own hands.
The threat of wine isn’t a bad one, and it got the job done. No need to actually carry out the deed.
And commenters agreed that OP was perfectly justified in their threat.
“NTA, Jill needed to hear that – and fair play for standing up for step-mother, I’m sure she appreciates it more than she’s letting on!” – sucking_diesel
“I got a good chuckle out of this story. That’s really funny sending the photo of the wine section.”
“Not very tactful, but Jill needed to be told what’s up. NTA, but not at all polite either!” – nightlyraver
“Personally, I think NTA. Jill is not a reasonable person. Jill doesn’t understand ‘no’. Jill was told ‘No.’ by the bride. Jill was told ‘No.’ by the bride’s stepkid.”
“Jill needed to be threatened with something, but nothing that would injure her.”
“Threats are the only thing she would respond to. Threat of harm to her person would have made you an AH.”
“Threatening to wreck the dress is the best you could do under the circumstances, although I think the bride could have alternatively threatened to kick her out of the wedding party.” – Ramona_Flours
“NTA You saved your step mom from being incredibly uncomfortable at her own wedding because of her friend. You both tried telling the friend to get a new dress nicely and she kept playing it off so I think maybe you needed to say something wild like that to get her to actually get a different one!”
“Pretty hilarious too with the picture LOL. Although the friend may be a little mad, I’m sure your step mom is grateful” – c0tt0nball
“NTA. Sometimes drastic measures are called for. You and stepmum should get matching tattoos of a bottle of red wine!” – TemptingPenguin369
Of course, there’s always the possibility that OP’s threat wasn’t quite as effective as the friend made it out to be. What should OP do if their step-mom’s friend calls the bluff and decides to wear the dress anyway?
Better bring a bottle of wine along just in case.
“If they can afford it, OP should have a bottle of wine and a back up dress for Jill just in case. She could try to turn up in the dress anyway, banking on OP not actually being willing to make a scene and ruin the day.”
“If she does that OP should pull her out of sight somewhere and give her the choice ‘change your dress now or wear the wine’, and cornering her to do so is fine.”
“If possible they should ensure they see Jill early, well before the wedding starts.” – Ok-Beginning-5922
“NTA and LOL.”
“Sure you were a bit extreme, but it looks like she got the message. If your stepmom is glad about it, then your dad aunt shouldn’t be knocking what you did.”
“Not surprised grandma didn’t agree, older generations tend to believe that elders should get respect whether or not it’s warranted.” – jammy913
“NTA. Nor do I find this extreme. Giving her black eyes, that would be extreme.”
“Jill was not listening, was ignoring, wanted to matchy-matchy to the bride, and would have upstaged the bride with her matchy-matchy.”
“When people refuse to listen to no, what are we to do? Turn away? That solves nothing.”
“OP gave a consequence and offered proof she would follow through on that consequence. Then Jill listened.”
“I definitely would have a bottle of Cabernet on hand for the wedding … along with a shapeless sickly green sheath for Jill’s substitute dress. Have it handy, but never mention it. May not be needed, but just in case.”
“If red wine is poured and Jill pitches a fit and stomps out, then OP can be dad’s bestie and stepmom’s MOH, no problem.” – Savings_Bee8455
“We need more of this in society these days; being a champion of the underdog. Some people cannot speak for themselves, so it falls on the rest of us to not stand idly by.”
“Don’t just stew in silence, speak up like OP did.”
“Nicely done, OP! Now the wedding photos will be much better. Jill completely failed to consider photos in defending her lack of taste and respect.” – Kunning-Druger
“NTA, if your mum and grandma and stepdad and aunt are all less involved in dad+stepmum’s wedding than you, then their opinions on how exactly you got the other wedding-witness to change her mind on a VERY questionable fashion-idea, don’t matter much.”
“What matters is that your stepmum gets the lowkey simple wedding where no one is distracted from her+groom by someone else’s outrageous dress.” – Blim4
“NTA and everyone saying that you took it way too far can go eat cake, because no, you didn’t; you didn’t actually do anything, even, you just threatened to.”
“going too far would have been to ruin her dress before she even wore it to the wedding, but the threat of doing something is often enough, especially with people who act like children.” – MageVicky
While it’s unlikely OP will need to pour wine on someone’s dress, it’s nice that they are close enough to their step-mom to be willing to defend her. Sometimes, people are too polite or quiet to get the nice event that they want to have.
But maybe OP could hold off on the additional threat through a photo. It was funny but just a step on the line.