No matter how many times the concept is explained, some people just seem to refuse to understand how gender works—and it causes all kinds of drama for society and families alike.
A teenage Redditor with a transgender sister found herself in precisely this situation on a family camping trip when the adults refused to allow her sister to sleep in the girls’ section of their tent.
So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit to see if she handled the situation correctly.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the name transsisthrowaway on the site, asked:
“AITA for moving my trans sister into my “room” on our camping holiday?”
She explained:
“Disclaimer: this happened over a year ago, before the pandemic, but came up again recently. I have put ages as they were when this happened. I’m not sure if this is the right sub because I stand by my actions but want to see what other people think.”
“In 2019, I (cis 16F[emale]), my sister (trans 14F), brother (15M[ale]), and parents (40sM&F) went camping for a week with my aunt and uncle (40s and 50sM&F) and cousins (13M and 15M). Everyone except my sister is cis.”
“My parents had a tent, my aunt and uncle had a tent, and us ‘kids’ shared my aunt and uncle’s large tent.”
“When we got there, the large tent had been divided into two rooms. I was given one and my sister was expected to share with the boys (our brother and cousins).”
“Just to note here, me and my sister are very close. Even when she was a ‘boy’, she was basically my sister, and we did everything together (my brother preferred to spend time with his friends). We are completely comfortable changing clothes in front of each other but not the boys.’
“Anyway, my sister was upset so I tried to fix the problem with the adults. But my aunt just said that the rooms were best left as they were and made an excuse to go and do something else. My parents understood my sister’s problems but just said ‘their tent, their rules’ and said that she should try to enjoy the holiday as best as she could.”
“Obviously, this was going to ruin her holiday. So I moved her airbed over to my ‘room’ and asked the boys to not tell the adults. They were cool with keeping the secret and we packed up our tent early on the last day so no adults knew what happened.”
“However, not long after, my aunt and uncle asked their boys about how it was sharing a tent. One of them said something like ‘it was fine, the girls had their space and we had ours’. My cousins then had to say what happened and they both got grounded for a week for lying.”
“My parents were pretty annoyed at me and my sister, especially as me, since I’m meant to be the responsible one in that situation. Everything was eventually resolved, but it was mentioned recently in a family Zoom call, and I want more opinions as to whether I did the right thing (even though I would do it again if I had to).”
“So, Reddit, AITA for moving my trans sister into my ‘room’ when camping.”
OP later updated her post with more information.
“UPDATE:”
“So me and my siblings spoke to my parents about this incident again. We’ve also been speaking to our cousins. So I will update and answer a couple of concerns I think a few people had.”
“My sister spoke to our parents about how she feels about this incident and other stuff. Me and our brother backed her up.”
“My parents are going to try and be more supportive. I think they’re worried about losing contact with us.”
“Me and my siblings are probably not going to have a relationship with our aunt and uncle as adults. Their sons (my cousins) have had problems with them too.”
“As one (downvoted I think) user pointed out, me and my sister have different bits, which is why my aunt and uncle didn’t want us to mix. But we were fine not having privacy from each other.”
“We’ve changed in front of each other after swimming (at a friend’s house where her parents didn’t mind), and have even peed in front of each other, all from a young age. We really don’t care.”
“One of the boys was, it turned out, uncomfortable about sharing a room with his girl cousin. He was 13 at the time so just starting puberty. He was silently relieved at his space being boy-only but didn’t say at the time because it was embarrassing for him.”
“Our cousins were not very annoyed at being grounded. We were so grateful and might buy them each a little something to say thank you.”
“So yeah, I’m glad I did what I did. Thank you for backing us up when we needed it :)”
OP’s fellow Redditors were asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And for nearly all of them, it wasn’t even a question who were the a**holes on this camping trip.
“NTA. The adults in your life are awful. Your sister was uncomfortable with the arrangements and had a viable option and their solution was ‘tough sh*t deal with it?'”
“The children are more emotionally mature than the adults. You all should be proud that you put your sisters feelings ahead of crap adulting/parenting.” —LaCroix24601
“NTA. You’re my big damn hero today” —Special-Trash-7995
“NTA. You were being a good sister and standing up for where she felt comfortable. I am a bit concerned that your parents didn’t stand up for either of their daughters more, though.” —TheProofInTheYogurt
“NTA”
“Who cares which rooms the kids were in as long as you all were happy? Your aunt and uncle sound really controlling.”
“Good on you (and your brother and cousins) for making sure your sister was comfortable. Keep sticking up for her.” —Frankie_M_99
This really is a no-brainer: Trans girls and women are girls and women. Easy peasy.