Finances are part of a relationship wether we want them to be or not. When you are committed to sharing your life with someone, that means your financial decisions affect them as well.
Redditor newgameraita encountered this very issue with his girlfriend. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
AITA For asking my GF how much she spends on essential oils when her budget is getting tighter?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My GF and I have been together for 4 years and moved in together just under a year ago. I make more money than she does so I pay 60% of our rent and utilities. But we split things like food, internet, and most dates 50-50.”
“However, she got laid off from her job a few months ago so she’s trying to budget more.”
“She’s looking for a job in her desired field, but is struggling to find something close to us.”
“I’ve encouraged her to just get a job because plenty of places near us are hiring, but she doesn’t want to work retail or fast food. Which, I can kind of understand, but at the same time, you can’t complain about not having money when there are literally places hiring less than a mile from our house.”
“I’m a gamer and like many others I’ve been looking for a new Xbox for months.”
“Last weekend I finally lucked out and found one, so I snatched it up right away. I was at home setting it up when my GF got home from running some errands and she asked what I was doing. I told her I finally found a new Xbox and instead of being happy, she flipped out on me.”
OP’s girlfriend thought they should use their money for something more practical.
“She told me it was irresponsible of me to spend that much money when we are having to tighten our budget and asked what things we are going to have to go without for the next few months because of how much I spent.”
“I told her that ‘we’ don’t have to tighten our budget at all, just her.”
“I told her I’m doing fine for money and that she’s wrong for trying to force her money issues on me.”
“She yelled at me that we are supposed to be a team and help each other when they are down. I told her I agree, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up things that I enjoy just because she doesn’t want to work at Target or Burger King.”
“Then I asked her how much she spent on essential oils since she lost her job.”
“That did not help and she started telling how that is different since those actually serve a purpose beyond wasting time.”
“When she didn’t give me a straight answer I just said ‘So, more than I spent on the Xbox?'”
OP’s girlfriend was not having it.
“She yelled at me that I’m being an a**hole and she can’t believe I would do something so selfish when we could literally lose our apartment.”
“Which, we won’t.”
“Even if she can’t make her rent payment I could afford to cover us for at least 6-months if needed. And if it go to that point I’d pretty much have to force her to work since I’m not looking to support her if she’s able to work but is refusing to.”
“She’s barely talking to me the last few days and any time I try to get some gaming in she makes a huge point about avoiding me or stomping around. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong and she’s just lashing out at me because she’s feeling down about herself.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Essential oils are expensive AF, and the idea that they serve any meaningful purpose other than smelling nice is absolute garbage.”
“Yes, they do smell lovely, and can be very relaxing if you’re stressed out. There is absolutely ZERO objective scientific evidence that they do anything else other than potentially poison animals and cause respiratory problems in small children, though. None. I’m sure I’m going to get downvoted by all the hunbots for that, but c’est la vie.”
“She can spend her money on what she wants, but the argument that EOs ‘have a use’ is ridiculous and unjustifiable, and you’re NTA for pointing it out.” ~ FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“They even can cause respiratory problems in adults depending in much they are used and if put in diffusers. If they worked we would use them in the hospital… here smell this oil while you are having a jammer instead of us pumping you full of drugs and maybe defibbing you.” ~ nurse_krachet
“NTA. Keep that Xbox, ditch the girl.” ~ jtj5002
“I have to agree. If you are picturing a future in which you might have kids with this woman, you might want to find out now if she’d take a sick child to the doctor or would she rely on her ‘useful’ essential oils.”
“Would she get those children vaccinated or are vaccines pOiSoN, unlike essential oils? I realize I’m referring to a very stereotypical essential oils person, but you might save yourself some time, money, and longterm heartache if think very seriously about if your ideals and long term goals a truly compatible.” ~ The_Krudler
OP should be able to treat himself.
“NTA. Just because she is running low on money doesn’t give her a right to tell you how to spend your money. Sounds to me like she is being the irresponsible one.”
“My husband and I are on a budget and I have multiple interviews lined up for a job. You can’t be picky, or complain about money when you wanna be picky about a job. That’s on her.” ~ Sea_Information_6134
“NTA. She’s not pulling her weight and she’s refusing to take any job that she deems to be beneath her. She’s TA.”
“She’s just taking her frustrations out on you because you have money to spend on something you’ve been wanting and she doesn’t and she’s stressed about it. Does she qualify for any unemployment benefits?”
“Does she not realize that she can can take a temp job until something in her preferred field comes along? It’s one thing to have pride but another thing to not take pride in whatever it is that you need to do to survive.” ~ LoveBeach8
They need to have a serious conversation about financial goals.