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Woman Balks After Her Unemployed Husband Calls Her ‘Lazy’ For Choosing To Work From Home

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Of the many “new normals” that have defined the pandemic era, the prevalence of working from home is one of the most sweeping.

Not surprisingly, it has gone better in some homes than others.

A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA) subReddit offered a glimpse into those dynamics.

The Original Poster, known as throwawaypigsty on the site, used the post’s title to hint which camp her household falls in:

“AITA for choosing to work at home, when my Zoom meetings annoy my husband?”

OP began with some considerations we’re by now all familiar with.

“My employer has given the employees the choice of working at home or going into the office.”

“Personally I feel that it is safer to stay at home given what is still going on, and it’s about half and half of my coworkers who have decided to stay home or go to the office.”

The new work setting pushed OP to take some conscientious measures. 

“The problem and conflict is that I often have 2 or 3 one hour Zoom meetings a day.”

“I use headphones but I do talk during part of them. I close the door but the noise bothers my husband, who is in the other room.”

More details followed. 

“He is also at home all day since he’s unemployed.”

“He keeps telling me I am selfish to stay at home and bother him when I could choose to go work in the office and he says I’m just too lazy to go to the office and waves off my health concerns as paranoid.”

Those comments apparently struck OP. 

“I do feel guilty because he gets really upset by the noise and says it’s hard for him to focus on stuff he’s reading when he hears me talking.”

“Am I wrong? Should I go into the office a few days a week?”

After some comments came flooding in, OP offered a bit more information. 

“I am getting a lot of comments that I should tell my husband to look for a job, but he told me he doesn’t want to until covid is over, which is a bit weird since he says I’m paranoid about it :/”

“Overall he makes me feel guilty a lot which is why I came on here, lately he’s been getting upset that our place isn’t clean enough (we don’t sleep in the same room but he comes in and ‘inspects’ my room every day), and today he was upset about the noise again.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Nearly every response told OP she wasn’t the a**hole. In fact, they were vicariously furious. 

“NTA So he is bothered because you are… working?! You dare to disturb him being a couch potato? Oh my, oh my.”

“What is he even doing that he needs so hard to focus on if you occassionally speaking up during the meeting is disturbing him?” — No-Jellyfish-1208

“He’s clearly the a**hole. You’re the breadwinner. He has no business calling you lazy when he’s sitting at home unemployed.”

“Maybe he’s jealous or feeling insecure about it but that is no reason for him to be verbally abusive. Perhaps if he got his ass up and started job hunting he wouldn’t be so “bothered” by the noise..” — AdministrativeCod666

“NTA If he really doesn’t want to listen to your zoom meetings, he can get himself a job.”

“You are the bread winner, without you he will also be homeless. Does he do anything around the house? Or is he just a living mantle piece that eats food and makes a mess. Cause if he is to lazy to do anything, why keep him around?” — Alita_Moonsong

“NTA. Why are you with this man? How did you guys meet and why doesn’t he help out around the house? Why does he expect you to work, clean and cook when he’s unemployed? And the separate sleeping situation? Is separating from him an option??” — grapefruitypebble

A few couldn’t help but think up some ideas. 

“NTA, he should be too busy making you breakfast/lunch and maintaining the house to worry about your meeting. His job should be to make you are comfortable as possible while you are working from home.”

“Next time he complains about the meeting tell him that he can work on some household tasks or make you a sandwich to keep him focused on while you are earning the money for the house. He can wear headphones while he cleans the toilets.” — Livvylove

“LOL the unemployed guy gets to call the employed woman “lazy.” CUTE NTA”

“If the noise bothers him, your husband can”

  1. “Wear headphones”
  2. “Go for a walk”
  3. “Shop”
  4. “Clean”
  5. “Run errands”
  6. “Hang with friends”

Or here is a fun one

7. “GET A JOB”

Some people had some harsh advice. 

“OMG. Your husband is unemployed and complaining that you are working to support the family and him included?”

“You just can’t make this stuff up… get a divorce and let his unemployed a** enjoy the silence under a highway.” — tpstp

“The only person working in that household is ‘too lazy to go to the office??’ And you winning the bread is disturbing his reading?”

“NTA. Please don’t have children with this person. Crying babies are loud. Also, ask yourself if this is the life you want to live forever.” — MySquishyFishy

“NTA and I’m so sorry for you!! You have every right to be in your house especially being the only one working at the moment. He is allowed to be annoyed by the sound, but being abusive about it is unacceptable.”

“It would be better if he could try to figure out a solution with you where you both are comfortable with the result (i.e. sound proofing panels on your walls). The room inspections are simply ridiculous. If he’s not in the room, why does he even care?”

“Counseling may be helpful for your relationship. I hope things get better for you!!” — iamhollcat

“NTA. Your husband sits at home mooching off you, and he has the gall to call you selfish and lazy. That’s rich.”

“File for divorce, move into your own house/apartment, and let your ex-husband enjoy his peace and quiet on his own. Find a guy who will treat you as a partner rather than as a an annoying servant.” — SomeoneYouDontKnow70

So if she takes this feedback to heart, looks like OP can continue to bring home the bacon in exactly the way she prefers. 

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.