You know the age-old adage, “mothers know best”? That didn’t apply here.
Everyone has a different way of grieving. Some people can move on after losing a loved one while others still struggle with the loss for an indefinite period of time.
The point is, there is no time limit when it comes to mourning, and finding love again should be at the discretion of the person grieving.
However, one widow’s mother seems to think her daughter is ready to get back in the saddle.
Redditor Gracelynncarel—the grieving daughter—went to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit to ask:
“AITA for telling my mom to stop trying to set me up with guys so soon after my husband’s death?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“In November of last year my husband of 7 years was killed in a drunk driving accident.”
“We got married when we were 19, and had been together since we were 14. We have three children, a 6 year old girl and two year old twin boys.”
“I was absolutely devastated and spent the first couple of months just in complete shock figuring out how I was going to be a single mother and widow at 26 years old. He was the absolute love of my life.”
“My parents have struggled with his death almost as much as I have, they absolutely adored him and took him in as one of their own as soon as we got together.”
The OP explained how her mother handled grief for the first time.
“My mom has never experienced grief of any kind, and in a way I think is in denial he even existed in the first place.”
“As a result, she’s been trying to set me up with guys every time I see her, and it’s getting to a point where I can’t take it anymore.
A recent trip to the grocery store was the last straw.
“Last week we were out doing our weekly food shop when she got talking to some guy she knows from church.”
“She called me over and started telling this guy how great I was and how great my kids were, which as much as I appreciate, I knew exactly what she was trying to do.”
“When we got to the car I said she needed to stop doing that as I’m still grieving and need to focus on my kids.”
“She told me that it’s not a good look to be a single mother and that I need to remarry as quickly as possible.”
The mother’s comments drove a wedge between her and her daughter.
“I was shocked by that because she loved my husband. I told her I wasn’t a single mother by choice and that if she couldn’t respect my need to put my children first then I wouldn’t be in her life until she did.”
“I drove her home and she got out of the car without even saying bye. I got a call from my dad later that night telling me I was being inconsiderate towards how my mom feels, which I told him was untrue as she was the one being inconsiderate.”
“I’m not ready to move on, and even if I was I wouldn’t want to move on with some random guy my mom picks up in Costco. I haven’t spoken to her or my dad since.”
The OP finished her post by asking, “AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP as NTA.
Her mom, on the other hand, was not looked upon favorably.
“Oh, man, I was all set to say n.a.h. until I read the part where your mom said it’s ‘not a good look’ to be a single mom. The f’k? You are definitely NTA.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss and that your parents are not being supportive.” – nyorifamiliarspirit
“Hey op. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself. Tell your momma that it’s up to you to move on when you want to.”
“That she’s not the only one who’s lost someone and that you can take all the time you need for yourself.”
“That you know she comes from a place of care, but it’s hurting you right now. That you need time to grieve. Also a new person in your children’s lives would not be good for them either. You hang in there momma.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss. I will never respect drunk drivers.” – MuthaFuckinMeta
“Also OP: we would judge someone as TA for trying to dictate how long someone else is ‘allowed’ to grieve even if it had been a longer period of time!”
“You mention that you lost your husband in November!! That’s SO recent, the pain must be so fresh, your mom is being incomprehensible inconsiderate!!!! “
“I wish you peace and healing, and you are totally NTA to cut your mom off if that’s what is needed to heal!!!” – PsychologicalSwan1
This Redditor began the comment with a special shout-out to drunk drivers.
“Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss. F’k drunk drivers.”
“Secondly, NTA.. people grieve at their own pace, but she is being seriously insensitive. I think you’re completely justified in not talking to them until you’re ready to, especially considering you have directly asked her to stop multiple times.
“Do what you have to do for you and your kids to be happy and healthy in every facet.” – Palindromer101
These Redditors were surprised by the father’s loyalty to the OP’s mother in the situation.
“It’s crazy how your dad thinks you need to take your mother’s feelings into account. she didn’t lose a husband, YOU did.”
“So it’s about your feelings, not hers. you take all the time you need. and if you decide to not remarry, you’ll be a kick a** single mom. NTA.” – arcticalias
“My jaw dropped when dad said she was inconsiderate towards mom! One person just lost the man they planned to spend their life with, the other is… self conscious about their daughter being a single mother and trying to force suitors on her while she’s grieving.”
“Hmm dad which do you think needs to get over herself and take a step back?” – atomskeater
The general consensus was that the OP deserved all the time she needed to grieve and eventually meet someone only if she wants to and only on her own terms.