Everybody has that one friend who loves to gossip. They just can’t help themselves, they have to be all over everyone’s business.
Sometimes they run around telling all the business, and the stories are turned into epic drama.
And that is the problem with gossip—it can have real world consequences.
Rumors can lead to some messy situations. A husband and wife recently found themselves in the middle of such a situation.
Redditor ThrowRAundecided was left stunned by his wife’s demands and was unsure with how to proceed. So naturally he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for guidance.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to fire our nanny over rumors?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have recently come into conflict about this.”
“We hired our nanny ‘Rachel’ about 2 months ago to watch over our 8-month-old son since my wife and I work.”
“She’s been nothing but professional with us and does her job taking care of our boy. The issue happened a month ago.”
“My wife has a friend who lives a few houses down who’s a major gossip. She started telling my wife Rachel had an affair with one of the husband’s she was working for right before we hired her.”
“The couple in question is currently separated but they haven’t said why, thing with my wife’s friend is sometimes she has a habit of spreading rumors that are false.”
“Sometimes it’s the truth, but you can’t tell with her. My wife is telling me she’s worried about her working with us and frankly I felt insulted.”
“I asked her if she thought I was capable of doing something awful like that to her and our family.”
“She told me she knows I wouldn’t but she can’t help but feel insecure now since I get home 2 hours earlier than she does everyday, and Rachel might try something.”
“We talked about this a few times this week.”
“For one thing, I only have eyes for my wife, I’ve never once in the 10 years we’ve been together shown that I can’t be faithful, and lastly, we don’t even have confirmation Rachel did that.”
“Despite the talk my wife still wants us to fire Rachel. I don’t believe in firing someone who’s doing their job based on something that may or may not have happened before she was even hired.”
“Of course if Rachel started acting unprofessional or crossing in lines then sure she’d be out the door.”
“My wife thinks I’m being a bit of an a**hole that I’m not looking at it from her side and being a bit more understanding how it’s making her feel.”
“And yeah I can see the way it looks, but she’s also only taking her gossiping friend’s word, on top of that thinks I’m capable of doing this awful thing.”
“I’m honestly confused and if my stance makes me the a**hole here or not.”
Redditors wasted no time in dispensing their thoughts by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA but your wife is T[he] A[**hole].”
“Ask her how she’d like it if some gossip cost her a job.”
“Even if the girl did have the affair it has nothing to do with her job as a nanny and if I were you I’d be a LOT more pissed at my wife!” ~ ChaosNHamHam
“I agree NTA because it is still a rumor.”
“But if it is true sleeping with a client is related to her job as a nanny.”
“If Rachel had slept with a married man that was not client then I would agree it had nothing to do with her job as a nanny.”
“This would be the same as if a salesperson slept with a married client of theirs, vs sleeping with a random married person that is not a client.”
“In the first situation it is related to the job, and in the second it is not.”
They didn’t necessarily blame his wife for being cautious if the rumors are true, however.
“The issue is not so much the affair but the sleeping with a client part. It would be understandable not to want to hire someone who has a history of sleeping with a client.” ~ Dizzy_Needleworker_3
“If she slept with a parent, I’d be judging the grown man who was her boss. Way to say power imbalance.” ~ doughnutmakemelaugh
“I’d judge both. Nannying is a unique job. I could never imagine hurting kids I nannied by sleeping with one of their parents.”
“Good nannies love the kids too much to introduce that kind of stress into their home life.” ~Valuable-Dog-6794
“I agree. Sure, sometimes you find yourself in a job where you don’t love, or care deeply about, the children.”
“But part of the job of a nanny is looking after the emotional welfare of the children, and if you get involved in an affair with one of the parents you are not doing that part.”
“A nanny who does that is sh*t at their job. And if it’s one thing I hate it’s when other nannies are bad at their jobs. I[n] M[y] O[pinion] the stakes are too high.” ~ primalsqueak
“Yeah I totally agree. If it did happen and there’s undeniable evidence (assuming it wasn’t coerced as well) I wouldn’t want her working for me either.”
“It means she has poor judgement & a different morality than I’d want my kids exposed to.”
“Like, even if OP and his wife were gay dudes, and the situation is that the female nanny had an affair with one of the parents of her previous clients, it’s totally valid to not want this person helping to raise your kid.” ~ starshine1988
“I agree except if she did have an affair with someone she is working for as a nanny it does show unprofessional ethics and that she can’t be trusted.”
“No mom would allow her near their family if she’s a well known mistress for someone she worked for.” ~ n_q50
Trying to stay fair is never easy.
“NTA – To fire someone over an insecurity that isn’t valid is unbelievably unfair.”
“I agree with you and would expect that if Rachel crossed the line, you should be expected to inform your wife and fire Rachel.”
“If your wife doesn’t trust that you would tell her the nanny crossed the line, why did she choose a female nanny?” ~l unasey
“I wonder if the issue is more that your wife is concerned that your neighbor will humiliate her by spreading rumors implying that something’s going on with you and the nanny?”
“But if she’s really is convinced something could happen between you in the 2 hours you have together, that seems kind of ridiculous.”
“But maybe putting a few nanny cameras around would chill her out. If even that’s going too far, I could understand.”
“Either way, you and the wife really at least should give Rachel a head’s up.”
“Don’t even ask if the rumor is true, just tell her it’s going around.”
“You might be able to judge if it’s true or not from the reaction, but either way Rachel deserves to know, because it’s jeopardizing her career.” ~ Libba_Loo
Well that is a lot of drama. It sounds like a Dynasty storyline. And Dynasty characters are definitely dramatic.
Hopefully this scenario plays out positively for all.