One possibility many people worry about in their relationships is the possibility of unfaithfulness.
Though these concerns are often ungrounded, sometimes something will happen that provokes these feelings, such as someone making advances on our partner.
But that doesn’t warrant a break in trust, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Impressive-Bug6473 struggled with this, however, when his wife came home with unfortunate news.
But when he and his wife disagreed, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was overreacting.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for asking my wife to quit her job after her boss tried to kiss her?”
The OP had a good relationship with his wife.
“So I am [Male] 24 and my wife is [Female] 25.”
“She is my high school sweetheart, we´ve been together since we were 18, and we went through University together too.”
“We married last year and overall everything is going really well.”
“This year she started a job in a fashion store (it’s her first job ever) and she really enjoys it there.”
They were also a communicative couple.
“So she frequently goes to after-work dinners and drinks with her co-workers, most of whom are male.”
“I’m fine with that, of course, I fully trust her and know she would never want to cheat on me.”
“Also, she always tells me everything and doesn’t leave out details.”
“I know all of her co-workers, including her boss. I’ve met them a few times before.”
The OP’s wife told him right away when something happened.
“So the other day she told me that after one of those evening outs with her co-workers, she was walking with her boss back to the store to pick something up at around 4 am, and he tried to kiss her.”
“She of course pulled away right away (I believe her) and she went home to me to tell me straight away.”
“But of course I am freaking out, and I don’t like this one bit. Her boss knows me, and he knows we are married.”
But the OP was still uncomfortable.
“So the next morning, I gathered my thoughts and told her straight-up that I would like her to quit her job.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with her working there anymore.”
“She said I was overreacting, she would never do anything with him, and she loves her job and enjoys getting paid of course.”
“She is not even considering looking for something else, and she really wants to stay there.”
“But I feel super uncomfortable.”
“She said she wouldn’t go for drinks alone with her boss anymore, but honestly, that’s not enough for me.”
“AITA for asking her to quit her job?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was the AH for punishing his wife.
“You don’t get to dictate whether or not she quits her job. You can tell her you’re worried about her safety or encourage her to report her boss to HR or explore other job options, but you don’t get to tell her you want her to quit.” – mountaingoat05
“4 AM excursions with the boss/coworkers isn’t out of the norm for jobs based in big (New York, Toronto, LA, etc) cities where that’s part of the company culture. I had a job in a big city where we went out Friday’s after work to get a beer, dinner, then maybe go see the local Led Zeppelin cover band.”
“Crazy times, but they were admittedly fun.”
“OP, YTA, don’t punish your wife for her boss’ actions. She’s an adult after all so keep your trust in her to make the correct decisions. She hasn’t done anything to lose your trust in her, right?”
“As wrong as his behavior was, people tend to do things they normally wouldn’t when a bit of liquid courage is involved.” – PhiberOptikz
“Why is it weird she doesn’t want to leave her job? She didn’t do anything wrong, her boss did. She clearly enjoys her job and her coworkers, she shouldn’t be punished because her boss is a creep.”
“Depending on the size of the company, she may be able to go to HR or speak to a supervisor regarding the behavior of her boss.” – OceanIsVerySalty
Others were confident that the fashion industry required late nights like this.
“I must be the exception here because I don’t find that strange at all.”
“When I go out with my (almost exclusively male) coworkers, it’s often until 3 or 4 am – last week it was until 4 am. And I also might swing by the office afterward to get my laptop if I plan on wfh (working from home) the next day, because I’m not about to bring my work laptop with me to a night out.”
“And since we live in a big city, we don’t let people walk around alone and accompany them to the station or taxi. So my boss or coworker coming with me to the office to get my laptop (and maybe theirs too) at 3 or 4 am after a night out wouldn’t be weird.”
“My bf (boyfriend) prefers I have someone accompany me, too, because a drunk/tipsy woman walking alone at night just isn’t a great idea.”
“We don’t go out every week, though. That’s the one difference.” – BrynLovesBlueberries
“Depending on the type of business, it’s can be common to be hanging out with a boss. Retail and food service, especially.”
“I’d say that he intentionally got her alone though.” – Malibu921
“It could be if it’s a restaurant or bar job, or do shift work (ie a hospital/healthcare, manufacturing, logistics, etc). There are lots of industries that don’t operate on a typical 9-5. If they ended at 2 am and went out after to a 24hrs place (like a diner or a late hours pizza place, or even a bar), and stayed for an hour and a half before realizing they needed to go back that wouldn’t unreasonable.” – TheSkinnyAmerican
“Back in my consulting days, partying till the early morning wee hours with all your coworkers, boss included, was quite common. We’d go out to dinner, then somewhere for drinks, and often end up at a nightclub. It’s not common at my current job, was the norm at my past one.” – canadian_maplesyrup
The OP may have thought it was reasonable to ask his wife to leave her job after what happened, but the subReddit had some concerns.
The OP admitted his wife was not the problem, so why would he punish her for something that wasn’t her fault? Not to mention, quitting a job isn’t always as easy as walking out the door, especially in something as competitive as the fashion industry.