When we have medical concerns and are given a diagnosis, we must be prepared for our life to change, especially if we need to receive treatment or change our diets.
Sometimes the other people in our lives aren’t especially supportive, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Ark2017 knew that she needed help in her home in order to be able to rest and heal properly once she received care.
But when her husband refused her any support, the Original Poster (OP) decided to make support for herself.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for temporarily staying with my mom while receiving medical treatment despite my husband’s disapproval?”
The OP needed to receive medical care.
“I (31 Female) started having a health decline at the end of last year. I recently got diagnosed with a medical condition that requires delicate care and treatment.”
“The issue is, as a SAHW (Stay-At-Home Wife), I spend most of my day at home by myself while my husband works long hours.”
“In order for me to get treatment, I need someone to stay with me. Not just that but I handle most household chores and won’t be able to continue to do that, in fact, I will need someone to take care of me.”
The OP came up with a range of options to make it work.
“My husband and I talked about this. I gave him a number of suggestions that I’ll mention down below.”
“(1) asking my mom to move in with us to help, but he refused.”
“(2) getting a nurse/maid to help me out;/take care of the house, but he refused.”
“(3) having him take time off work to stay home with me, but he complained about having to focus on work.”
“(4) finally, getting someone from his family or my friends to stay with us but he refused and said it’d make him look like he was ‘useless.'”
Her husband refused any option that required someone to come into their home.
“We had an argument after he declined all previous options and insisted that I ‘just try and do my best and will manage just fine,’ meaning he expected me to go through treatment while still cleaning/cooking and also with no help whatsoever.”
“He swore that if I go ahead with any of those options then he won’t speak to me for a whole year.”
The OP came up with a new option.
“I’ve decided to just go stay with my mom (2-hour drive from home) temporarily until I finish treatment and that was my final decision.”
“Once he found out, he started calling me, panicking and arguing, saying I had no right to make this kind of decision without his input.”
“He went on about how he and the house are a mess and urged me to return.”
“I stopped arguing, but he kept begging me to return and went on and on about how he and the house are empty and cold without my presence.”
Then her mother-in-law (MIL) decided to step in.
“His mom, my mother-in-law (MIL), got involved and shamed me for ‘turning her son’s routine upside down and messing with his work schedule.'”
“She told me to basically suck it up because she was in my shoes and managed just fine with 4 kids on top of that… so I’m ‘clearly’ just acting spoiled and immature.”
“Now he won’t call or even respond.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some wondered if the OP’s husband and in-laws cared about her at all.
“NTA. Block your MIL. Her input is unnecessary and stupid.”
“Consider staying with your mom for the long term because your husband does not sound like a good person at all.”
“You have every right to make that kind of decision about your own health since he obviously does not give a crap about your health.”
“If he calls to harass you again, remind him of his statement to not speak to you for a whole year.” – Clare_schmare
“You’re sick and need help, but he refused for you to get that help? I’d stay at my mom’s, too.”
“He and his mother can die mad about it. They may be some of the most selfish people I’ve heard of.” – curly_lox
“NTA, OP! Your husband doesn’t care about you. He just wants a free maid and doesn’t care how sick she is.”
“He just wants to work, come home to a clean home and food, and sleep away the night to the detriment of you, someone who is sick and needs delicate attention. He doesn’t care that you’re sick.”
“What happened to ‘through sickness and through health’? Clearly, he didn’t read the vows properly or thought they can be pick-and-choose.”
“Please put a Lego in your husband’s work shoes next time you’re home. He deserves it.” – dont_eat_my_ramen
“This is a grown-a** man wanting someone who’s sick to take care of him! GTFOH (Get the f**k out of here), I’d leave his a**. He’s showing that your health is less important than his comfort.”
“So much NTA.” – Less_Item2666
“People on Reddit always talk about how quickly people jump to divorce, but I personally believe that it’s because so many people who are being abused and don’t realize it posts on here.”
“OP, your husband’s response isn’t normal or healthy. It is abusive. He wants to deny you critical medical care so he doesn’t lose his maid or look bad.”
“So yes, divorce. Divorce divorce divorce.” – _psychologizer_
Others agreed and found the husband to be incredibly selfish.
“I think he is giving you the silent treatment to try to shame you into coming back. Something tells me this isn’t the first time he put your needs behind his feelings, and probably not the first time he has ‘punished’ you with the silent treatment.”
“Please do not fall for it. Your health is more important than a messy house and a hungry husband!! He is capable of handling those things himself, he just doesn’t want to!”
“The fact that he expects you to go through treatment, and continue on as if nothing is going on should tell you everything you need to know.”
“He doesn’t want you to receive any help at home because of how it will make him look? That’s because he knows EXACTLY how it looks, and he knows others will see him for what he is!”
“He is being selfish at a time when there is no room for it. I hope the treatment is successful, and your mother’s love and help gets you through this rough time.” – RoamingApparition
“The crazy thing is, if he went with the option of hiring someone to help, he’d look like a superstar. No one would blame him for not staying home; someone has to keep the lights on, after all!”
“And if the cost were an issue, you could probably arrange for friends and family members to draw up a roster. Just hire someone to come in part-time, to take care of any heavy lifting, and let your support network fill in the gaps.”
“NTA, OP. Your husband is being a d**k and you deserve better.” – Awkward-Ad-1026
“She had no right to make that decision without his input. The decision to leave. He basically told her she has no right to leave him. You are correct. Run, and don’t look back, girl.” – Financial-Parfait181
“OP, block his mom, you don’t need that. Tell him, ‘I am receiving medical treatment and need to focus on that. If I receive one more selfish message that is all about you, and how YOU need me there to keep you company, how YOU need me to cook and clean, I’m blocking you.'”
“And add, ‘A loving husband’s messages SHOULD be asking me how I am, etc. But if you can’t be a loving husband, do your best to pretend to be one while I get treatment.'” – crystallz2000
“Gross. NTA. He just does not want any responsibility. Focus on your health, OP, and also focus on not being with this selfish a**hole anymore. How is he not dropping everything to help you?” – KimWexlers_Ponytail
“How dare you interfere with his work schedule with your pesky need to, you know, survive a serious medical condition? Don’t you know how inconvenient this is for your husband? Maybe you should have thought about how your spouse would feel before you went and got sick! (ends sarcastic comment).”
“Absolutely f**king ridiculous. What a despicable person. NTA, OP, you keep doing what you need to do in order to stay healthy and sane. Through and including dumping this loser.”
“If he needs help around the house, he can ask his mommy to do it, since she’s so invested!” – oliviamrow
The subReddit was disgusted at how this situation had played out for the OP and encouraged her to do everything she needed to do to provide herself with care and the opportunity to heal properly after receiving her medical treatment.
It was especially frustrating that she had come up with so many options to make this situation as easy as possible, but all the husband seemed to care about was how he’d be specifically impacted by his wife’s treatment.