The tone of a dinner table with extended family can turn on a dime.
One moment, three generations of people are absolutely yucking it up. The jokes are flying, wine flowing and all feels agreeable.
And then, propelled by only a single, charged comment, the joyous atmosphere can deflate entirely. The levity is replaced by a tension only loved ones can achieve.
A Redditor recently went through just that rollercoaster. Using the expendable username throwRAfloozy on the site, she posted her whole experience to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP) outlined the main thrust of the conflict in the post’s title.
“AITA for ‘making a big deal’ out of my aunt calling me a floozy?”
She began with a quick rundown of the family situation.
“I’m currently staying with my parents, sister, brother, aunt & uncle (siblings, not married), plus grandma. We’re all packed into one house, as we’re all isolating for various reasons.”
“Tensions are running pretty high because of the accommodations we’ve had to make.”
“It’s a 5 bedroom house so my sister and I are sharing a room, my brother is on the sofa, all sorts of nonsense.”
That tension escalated at a recent dinner.
“In the last year I’ve been pretty honest about my love life and a few different names have been mentioned, and I’ve been talking to people this whole time.”
“The other night at dinner a new name came up.”
“My aunt said something like ‘oh, another name’ and when I said ‘I mean it’s not that many’ she laughed and said ‘you won’t get any judgement from me, most of my friends at uni were floozies.’ “
The atmosphere was awkward, to say the least.
“My brother was like ‘what did she just call you?’ and I was like ‘I think she just called me a floozy.’ “
“My aunt said ‘no, I said my friends were floozies,’ and I said ‘it’s fine, I just never heard someone use it in real life before’…”
“…and my sister says ‘not to your face anyway.’ Me, my sister, my brother, (and lowkey gran) were all laughing but my aunt was like ‘that’s not what I said.’ “
My dad goes ‘no, you just implied my daughter was like your easy friends’ and the whole tone just switched.”
“Dinner was silent and tense after that. I went up to bed, and later heard my dad and aunt arguing, and I was on the first floor while they were on the ground floor, so it was pretty loud.”
OP hoped a night of sleep would be enough to end the drama.
“Next morning, tensions are still high.”
“My aunt corners me and asks why I had to ‘make such a big deal’ out of her comments, that I embarrassed her and caused issues with her brother (my dad), and she wants me to go and talk to dad and say it’s no big deal, I’m fine, and I wasn’t offended by her comment at all in the hopes we can put this behind us.”
“I said that while I’m not losing sleep over it, it was still a shi**y thing to say, so she can deal with the fallout.”
“Aunt says that she was just making an observation and I shouldn’t be so upset over it, that tensions are high, and that I knew exactly what I was doing when I turned her throwaway comment into a big joke.
“I said she’s on her own here.”
The drama only continued from there.
“Next day, today, tensions are still high. Aunt is mad at me, she’s talked to my siblings, and they agree that she should be aware there are consequences to their actions…”
“…but feel she’s suffered enough, and I should talk to dad, who is at the epicentre of the issue and seems to be the one keeping it going.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors assured OP she wasn’t the a**hole.
Many emphasized exactly who the major players in this situation were.
“NTA. If she wants to work things with your dad, HER brother, she can go and apologize instead of expecting her niece to fix the situation for her.” — Apprehensive_Sand_77
“NTA you’re not even the one ‘making a big deal out of it,’ your dad would be so she should take it up with him. You have nothing to be sorry about. She’s lucky that’s the only way you reacted. If my aunt implied I was a slut there might be hands.”
“You should keep quiet. Your dad should be able to feel and act however he would like and if he’s that mad over her insult then she should have thought about it before hand and now should apologize.” — Colorful_Panda
“NTA! This is between brother and sister now. Stay out of it.” — stupidsh**1211
That said, they were on her father’s side too.
“NTA because YOU didn’t make it a big deal. Your dad did and has every right to do so. He was defending you. You can talk to your father to figure out why he took it so badly though and explain that while it’s sweet of him to support you, you all need to let it go since you live together.” — pinelogr
“NTA You know why your father is keeping this going? Because he respects you and feels you should be able to make your own decisions, without someone making passive aggressive jabs about your character.”
“He is championing you against an attacker. Let him. Your aunt really needs to understand this message, and she needs to understand that your father is in your corner.” — Morigyn
And others simply took the time to lash out at OP’s aunt.
“NTA. A throwaway comment is something innocuous, like oh your hair is wavy today. This food is salty. This flower arrangement is neat.”
“It’s not ‘yeah my friends were whore 30 years ago, I won’t judge you, my niece, for also being a whore’ “
“She’s how old, and she hasn’t learned that words have consequences? You aren’t making a big deal out of anything, she is. Your Dad rightfully chewed her out and that’s why she’s upset.” — Asifdude
“NTA. Your aunt is basically saying ‘please roll over and be a doormat for me tell you’re dad you are okay with me verbally insulting or abusing you so I don’t have to be an adult and deal with the consequences.’ ” — Ancient-Transition-4
“NTA. Tell her to pull up her big girl pants, apologize and go handle her own issues.” — forceofslugyuk
Although she can hopefully rest easy thanks to the support from her fellow Redditors, we hope OP’s household as a whole can find a way to ease the tension.
After all, that’s a lot of people in one house.