What you and your partner value in the relationship can cause all kinds of rifts. Fights over how you handle problems can break out at any time.
When PresentationNo2017 tried to deal with an embarrassing situation, the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend didn’t like how she handled the problem. This led to a fight between the couple.
While OP was originally fine with how she handled it, her boyfriend’s response has her questioning if she should have done something different. She decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (ATIA) subReddit if she was the bad guy.
Her initial description can easily be misinterpreted.
“AITA for showering at a friends house and coming home in another mans clothes?”
But there’s a lot more going on in this story.
“I (24F[emale]) was hanging out at a friends on Saturday, we were relaxing in the garden and having a Barbeque with some of our other friends to celebrate one of them turning 25, just a chill day and it was honestly great, Until a seagull sh** on me that is. It was in my hair and on my clothes and I was of course freaking out and cursing up a storm.”
“My friends laughed at this and the friend whose house it was told me to go use his shower and borrow some of his clothes (as no way in hell was I going to sit about with dirty hair or put on dirty clothes). I went into the house and showered, borrowed a one of his t-shirts and some shorts and rejoined the party not going to let this get me down.”
“I put my clothes in a carrier bag to take home to wash. Both were a little big on me but he’s pretty small for a guy so it was a passable fit.”
“When I went home my boyfriend (27M[ale]) wasn’t happy to see me with my messy hair as it had air dried and in what was clearly a guys clothes.”
“He asked what happened and I explained figuring he’d see the humour in it but he didn’t he focused on the fact i’d been naked at another guys Home and then put on said guys clothes.”
“I told him it was my friend and I didn’t exactly shower with the peanut gallery watching and what was I supposed to do? drive home with dirty hair and clothes? shower, change, then go back?
“he seemed to think this was the only reasonable answer. It takes half an hour to get there so by the time i’d gotten home it would have been dried into my hair and i’d have run the risk of getting my car dirty.”
“I even showed him my dirty clothes to prove my point”
“He has told me that no guy would stand for this and how is he to know nothing else went down, I told him because a) he should trust me, b) it was a party with multiple people not exactly a one on one thing. He keeps insisting I was in the wrong here and can I not see how this would upset him?”
“He is not letting this drop and the more he goes on the more i’m doubting myself…am I really in the wrong here? I didn’t consider that this could be the wrong move as it just seemed logical to me.”
“he is my first serious relationship i’ve never lived with anyone else so maybe i’m f***ing this up?”
“Some of you will likely ask, no there were no partners at this just our friend circle. The only couple were two friends who are dating. He didn’t mind that when I went and indeed had no interest in going anyway.”
OP had to deal with bird poop, and her friend was kind enough to offer her a shower and some clothes. But her boyfriend feels she should have refused and come home to shower instead.
Is he right? Should OP have avoided any suspicious situations?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for showering at another man’s house and wearing his clothes instead of going home by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP wasn’t going to let the poop set in her hair, and if she was going to shower, it’s better to have clean clothes ready for the situation. Her choice was pretty logical considering everything.
However, the commenters agreed that OP’s boyfriend overreacted and his opinion on the matter was ridiculous. His claim that “no guy would stand for this” particularly rang hollow.
In the end, the commenters agreed that OP was NTA.
“NTA. His response is freaking weird. Sure, it’d be odd to see my girl turn up in a dudes clothes, but once I knew what happened, I can’t imagine being pissed about it.”
“I would never expect anyone to sit in sh** for half an hour. Again, NTA. Your dude is jealous and controlling AF on this. Are you missing any other red flags?” – VxGB111
“His response is so weird and all I can think is that he’s projecting. I know everyone on this sub is quick to jump to ‘he’s totally cheating’, but this dude threw a hissy fit over her taking a shower and changing her clothes, despite her having witnesses and literal sh** covered evidence.”
“There’s no reason for him to react like he did in the face of all that, which makes me think he’s projecting because HE is cheating. Or for some other reason, but either way.”
“This reaction is so far out if left field that I’d say it bears more looking into.”
“NTA OP. Throw the whole boyfriend away and find someone who’s mature enough not to want you to sit covered in bird poop all day just because he has insecurities and a huge ego.” – EatTheRude-
“NTA. The only way to make your boyfriend happy and trust you was to stay covered in sh**. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?”
“I bet this isn’t the first or the last time he’ll expect you to put your own well being second to his issues/who.” – alreadytaken334
Comments about the boyfriend’s disposition is a focus of the Reddit board. At best, he overreacted, and at worst he’s a walking red flag.
OP should take a hard look at what he does in their relationship.
“NTA and BF definitely is. Was this the first immature, illogical and dramatic display of jealousy you’ve witnessed?”
“If no…. may I respectfully suggest your tolerance is ended and he either grows the hell up overnight or you’ll pack his overnight bag?”
“If yes… you can’t let this go. This is a ‘him’ problem and in no way a ‘you’ problem.”
“If you let him undermine your own understandable and logical behaviour he’ll become a monster. He won’t let it go and raise it for years.”
‘He’ll manufacture other situations and question your credibility and morals. He is way out of line and if he doesn’t see that….” – Dismallest_Pooh
“It’s not the first but it’s by far the worst, the others were small and I could overlook them” – PresentationNo2017 (OP)
“If he can’t trust you to just wash birdsh** out of your hair even when you come home with a bag containing clothes with birdsh** on them, then what’s the point of this relationship? Just be done with him before he takes his insecurities and starts controlling your whole life.” – Due-Armosphere-1769
“Those first ones were him testing the waters. ‘Let’s see if I can get away with this level of control… how about THIS level.’”
“Keeping it small, almost reasonable. But now it seems he’s shown his hand. The endgame here is control.”
“He may try to play it off by saying he has baggage or trust issues or anxiety and blame you for not accommodating it. Doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t let him guilt you. He’s not the boss of you and needs to either accept that or gtfo.” – alizarincrimson
“NTA. Your boyfriend gets irrationally jealous, and he’s 27, so don’t expect this behavior to change.”
“He won’t drop the issue until you admit you were wrong for not sitting in feces, because the idea of you being naked at another man’s house upsets him. To keep him happy you have to exist in a fantasy land where his insecurities are more important than your comfort and well-being.”
“This kind of thinking only escalates, and he will eventually become so upset at fictional, nonsensical scenarios that he will begin to treat you badly because of it. That is not normal behavior for a healthy, secure partner.”
“That is the behavior of jealous, insecure people and this is your red flag that he could become controlling.” – daddyslilmonstah
OP and her relationship with her boyfriend should be re-examined. Maybe it doesn’t need to end, but the BF really needs to question why this situation upset him so much, when other people thought it was no big deal.
If anyone should be upset, it’s OP for having to deal with bird poop and getting no sympathy from her BF. That must suck.