Pregnancy is a scary situation. Especially if it’s unplanned, and you are not ready to make such a life-changing decision.
It is also a vulnerable time for those actually going through it. So, the best way to be supportive is to understand their needs and be there for them.
A Redditor encountered this very issue with his girlfriend. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for not cancelling 4 day trip to help parents after finding out GF was pregnant?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Recently my girlfriend went to the hospital for something unrelated and discovered she was 1-2 weeks pregnant.”
“She wants an abortion (obviously 100% her decision) and since it was found out early she’ll be able to take the pills.”
“Recently my parents moved across the country and (weeks before) paid for a trip to have me to come out and help with moving into their new house for 4 days.”
OP decided it was better for him to go see his parents.
“I should also add that I’m only 21, and had been living with them prior to a week ago when they moved. This trip happened to fall just two days after the GF found out the news.”
“I told her I’d be there with her through all of it and would cancel my trip if she needs me around for emotional support.”
“My mom even told me it would be fine to cancel when I broke the news to her. My GF told me that I shouldn’t cancel and assured me that she’d be okay.”
“We also couldn’t even get any of the abortion appointments booked until a week after when I’d be back.”
“The day I left to the airport she got super emotional and has been having meltdowns on me since, saying that I should’ve cancelled regardless of what she said and that I essentially abandoned her for this.”
“I’ve been telling her multiple times that I can leave and book a flight back early but she won’t even acknowledge it and keeps going off about how selfish I am. She’s now telling people that I got her pregnant then abandoned her.”
“Am I an a**hole for leaving for this trip?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA you offered to cancel the trip and she said no. A relationship doesn’t work if one person assumes the other is psychic, a relationship works if both people communicate their needs.” ~ redditor191389
“She could not have known either how much this would impact her. Especially not how it worsens with time.”
“That doesn’t made her TA to me. It what made her TA is not realizing that neither could he, AND now she’s blaming him and talks sh*t about him.”
“Edit to add: with ‘talks sh*t’ (not my best moment) I meant she’s TA for saying he abandoned her, thus making him look bad, while he has not done that.” ~ alyom
“What is making her a TA is that now she is saying he abandoned her. He did not abandoned her he wanted to help his parents on a planned trip.” ~ JadedSlayer
“Even worse, he did what she told him to.”
“NTA, and while I sympathize for the GF, she’s treating OP horribly.” ~ ManifestDestinysChld
“Even worse! He did exactly what she told him to do, and when that didn’t meet her approval he tried to return early, which also doesn’t meet her approval.”
“This guy literally has no options for avoiding her recriminations other than purchasing a time machine. I know she’s having a tough time emotionally but you don’t deal with awful feelings by attacking your partner.” ~ Elesia
“This whole ‘you can read minds once you’re in a relationship’ skill has totally passed me by!” ~ KeepLkngForIntllgnce
“The pregnancy hormones start increasing the second a woman becomes pregnant, shockingly enough.”
“It’s not an excuse for her behavior, but just because it’s early days doesn’t mean her hormones aren’t out of whack. It can affect everyone differently, and everyone’s hormone’s increase at different rates.” ~ redditor191389
Many argued if she needs him there, he should stay for her.
“Exactly. I can speak from experience when I say pregnancy hormones (even in the super early stages) can make you super irrational and emotional.”
“Add in the fact that it’s an unwelcome pregnancy and the inner conflict that can often accompany the decision to terminate a pregnancy, and your gf is probably cycling through the full spectrum of human emotions on an hourly basis.”
“You’re doing all the things a supportive partner should be doing. Neither of you could have anticipated how she would react or how this would affect her and honestly she may feel resentful towards you for putting her in this position no matter what you do.”
“There can be a lot of conflicting emotions that we don’t expect ourselves to feel when something like this happens, but you’re NTA for listening to her when she told you to go.” ~ Mryessicahaircut
“Time machine wouldn’t fix it either because if he would have stayed he’d be posting about how she’s mad because he is suffocating her and making her feel guilty for abandoning his trip despite telling him to go.”
“Basically, she feels miserable, and rather than deal with her emotions, she’s trying to make the whole world feel miserable.” ~ commendablenotion
“Her hormones are going batsh*t right now. She may have said something and meant it but now that the pregnancy has progressed she’s getting additional waves.”
“She very well may not be aware of how the pregnancy hormones are factoring in to her thinking.” ~ boycottSummer
“It’s definitely not an excuse. She may not realize how the hormones are affecting her and can’t see how she’s acting.”
“Of course she needs to get a grasp on the situation and not treat OP like he’s the bad guy. The first step to doing that is to understand why she’s acting and feeling like this.” ~ boycottSummer
OP can hopefully figure out a way to mend things and be there for his girlfriend.