No you cannot borrow the car.
That sounds like a pretty specific rule.
When it comes to cars, people can be very touchy and strict.
Even in relationships, cars are not always community property.
And breaking the car rule can led to some marital discourse.
Case in point…
Redditor us5347751 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA? I reported my car missing after my husband took it to attend his brother’s wedding.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (35) does not have a car.”
“He sold his old one to help pay for his brother’s wedding.”
“I did not agree on this but he had this car before we got together so it’s a shared property.”
“Besides that I have my own car so that did not affect me until my husband started complaining about having to commute to work and hangout places.”
“He tried to get me to let him drive my car several times but I stood firm and put up a boundary, making him understand that my car will never be driven by him (one of the reasons why is because of how bad his driving is).”
“His brother lives out of town.”
“My husband asked if he could drive my car to the wedding but I refused but not because I’m not invited (another story for another day) but because like I said my car is off limits.”
“He threw a fit calling me unreasonable to let him take public transportation because he can barely stand it for 10 minutes let alone hours.”
“I said it wasn’t my problem which irritated him but made him stop arguing about it.”
“The day that he was supposed to travel out of town, I woke at 10am and couldn’t find my car key.”
“I went outside and couldn’t find my car either.”
“I was beyond pissed.”
“I called him and like I expected, he took it and was on his way to the other town.”
“I lost it and told him I gave him no permission to take it for 5 whole days.”
“And said that if he won’t turn around with it and come home then I’d call the cops and report it missing.”
“His response was ‘You wouldn’t dare do it cause you know what would happen.'”
“I hung up on him then immediately called the police and told them about my situation.”
“I did NOT tell them my husband took it because they’d think it’s a family dispute and decide to not get involved.”
“I just reported it missing.”
“2 hours later I got a call from my husband saying he was back in town and was being held at our local police station.”
“I went to the station and talked to the cops.”
“My husband made a scene there swearing over and over that I gave him permission to take it and said I was acting out of jealousy and spite because he was going to attend a wedding that I was not invited to.”
“I took my car and went home but he had to stay a little longer.”
“He came home in the evening and went on a rage fit about how I created an awful situation and almost caused him to miss his brother’s wedding.”
“He called me vindictive, bitter and a lunatic to call the police on him and try to accuse him of stealing my car.”
“He had to leave the same day to be able to be there with his family and decided to extend his stay and he still hasn’t gotten back yet.”
“Right now his mom and brother are blasting me for what happened and calling me spiteful.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“My wedding cost my family a collective $1500.”
“Mom paid for my dress, grandpa paid for the venue at a discount, dad paid for the food, and we used a LOT of things the family had laying around.”
“They were all planning on buying me those things for a wedding anyhow, and they expected to pay a lot more.”
“But it was a shotgun wedding because that’s just how my husband and I are as humans.”
“We didn’t want a huge affair.”
“Nobody other than my mom went into debt.”
“She took out $500 on a credit card to pay for the dress and alterations, and she kept laughing and saying she always thought she’d be paying over $2000 for the dress alone, so $500 total was a wonderful surprise for her.”
“We used things people had around their houses for the most part.”
“I made wedding favors by hand, my aunt decorated an arch she had in her basement with flowers I got on sale… That sort of thing.”
“Everyone swears it was the most personable, fun wedding they’ve ever attended.”
“It blows my mind people go into massive debt over weddings.”
“I guess I get wanting to have a big party, but damn… If your brother is selling his car, there’s something wrong here.”
“Also, NTA, OP. If it’s in your name.”
“He stole the car, point blank and period.” ~ sparrowbirb5000
“WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS GUY?!”
“He blatantly lies to police to get out of trouble (and would have gotten you in trouble if it had worked).”
“He doesn’t respect your property or your choices or your boundaries or your opinion.”
“He makes dumb and irresponsible decisions and then complains about the direct results of his dumb decisions.”
“He expects you to then give in and make sacrifices because he has no transportation – a direct consequence of his actions.”
“His family all agree with him so you will find no support there, they will be nodding along and telling him how awful you are.”
“No one is going to call him on his bulls**t.”
“Why do you do this to yourself?”
“Honestly, what you should have done is offer to drive him to the wedding yourself.”
“After you dropped him off, you could head home and move out (or kick him out if the house is yours).”
“NTA… but you deserve way better and should not be putting up with this.” ~ LinusV1
“Your husband is shady.”
“I doubt that car could contribute all that much to a wedding.”
“My now X-husband told me he took out a 5k loan to give to his brother for his wedding.”
“X-husband told me he was paid back in laptop computers because Bro could buy them from work insanely cheap.”
“I said we needed the $ not computers and wanted to confront the Bro.”
“X went insane and basically cowed me into not calling.”
“If the story is this weird it’s just not true.”
“X-husband obviously took the loan out so he could afford the trip and be a big man spending $ at his brother’s wedding.”
“I highly doubt he gave his bro anything.”
“The bro regularly gave his family laptops for Christmas.”
“I found out during the divorce we had over 30 grand of high interest weird loans he took out.” ~ Mundane-Currency5088
“NTA. But I get the feeling that there is a lot more going on here.”
“Your husband sold his car to help pay for his brother’s wedding?”
“Even though he needed it to commute?”
“Is your husband prone to making bad decisions?”
“And he paid for his brother’s wedding, even though you, his wife were not invited to it?”
“I’m sorry, but what kind of marriage is this?” ~ CatOutrageous9135
OP responded…
“Yeah. He and his brother are very close.”
“I’m on bad terms (also we don’t talk at all) with his brother because he kept accusing me of trying to drive a wedge between him and my husband.”
“He can think whatever he wants but none of his claims are true.”
“Unfortunately my husband and his mom think I’m the bad guy here.”
Reddit continued…
“It sounds like you married someone who is seriously in meshed with their mother and their brother.”
“That means they feels though they are the same person.”
“It’s pretty extreme that he sold his car to help his brother pay for his wedding.”
“That’s right off the charts.”
“I am imagining that you knew that when he did this he was assuming you would be enmeshed with him and enable him and he could drive your car and you would drive him around and he could do something like this.”
“What you did was you set a limit.”
“You gave him a logical consequence to stealing your car for five days.”
“You get to choose how you wanna handle being in a relationship with him or not.”
“You understand that everything he saying about the situation is meaningless.”
“Because you told him no and he went ahead and took your car and then you did what you said you were going to do.”
“Obviously the family is toxic.”
“Obviously he is magnificently codependent.”
“Luckily you are not.”
“You’ll choose what to do about the situation but these things will continue to happen.”
“Being from that family system and fully enmeshed in it, he will not change.”
“You better get better at hiding your money and your car keys.” ~ mcclgwe
“NTA, but I’m also particularly concerned with his response which was ‘You wouldn’t dare do it cause you know what would happen.'”
“I can count on one hand how many times I’ve heard this in a situation that was not abusive.” ~ Sad-Raise-754
“NTA. Lady, you need to file for divorce immediately.”
“This relationship is toxic and your husband is a massive idiotic a**hole.” ~ Expensive_Warthog444
“NTA. He did steal your car.”
“And please, for the love of God and all that is holy, break up.”
“Break up now.”
“This is a train wreck.” ~ mrstrust
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
Your car, your rules.
This situation sounds like it may call for a therapy intervention.
Good luck and be careful.