Raising children requires a strong, but careful touch. Do too little and they may find themselves in trouble they can’t handle.
Do too much, and you’re smothering them with control.
There’s also the question of how some parents treat boys versus how they treat girls. Sexist double standards can begin at any age, though if it continues into adulthood, you have a pretty big issue.
That’s what one Redditor endured when her father treated her different from her brother. But she worried she reacted harshly and took her question to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
The original poster (OP) asks:
“AITA for asking my dad to leave me and my boyfriend alone?”
Her story goes:
“I (19F[emale]) had my boyfriend over to study and do homework last night. We were working in my mom’s study with the door closed because our house can be loud.”
“My dad came in five or six times to look for a book, just to move papers around, grab ‘something’ off the printers. My mom wasn’t home yet and I don’t think he would’ve done that if she were home.”
“I went downstairs to ask him to stop. He and my brother (17M) were playing video games, my older sister (21F[emale]) was in the kitchen and I asked my dad if I could talk to him.”
“I told him it wasn’t fair that he was hovering, especially because he never does that to Jason (17M[ale]) when his girlfriend is here and they are hanging out in the basement. He said he knows they’re just watching movies and hanging out.”
“I said well we are just studying and my dad said he wasn’t wrong for wanting to keep an eye on my boyfriend around his ‘baby girl.’”
“I told him I’m not a little girl anymore and he looked hurt. My older sister made me laugh when she pretended to stick a mic in my dad’s face and said ‘inquiring minds want to know how it feels to be called out on an obviously sexist double standard.’”
“He told my sister to get away from him lol and said that he’d feel better about us studying up there when mom gets home. Two more instances of him coming in randomly and we just decided to head back to school early.”
“He seemed disappointed that we were leaving and asked us to stay, but we really needed a better space.”
“AITA for asking my dad for privacy and then leaving when he couldn’t give that?”
On the AITA board, people are judged on their stories.
This is done with the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
This was a pretty clear case where commenters decided OP was NTA.
Her father is holding her, a grown adult woman, to a sexist double standard with her brother.
The commenters sided with OP.
“NTA. Seriously, the double standard remark was spot on. Regardless of how potentially predatory your father thinks all teenage boys are, he doesn’t extend that to his own son (who is even younger.)”
“Whether this is just being overprotective or him not respecting you, you need to be clear about boundaries and equality. And as long as you aren’t jumping your boyfriends bones when you are meant to be studying (trust goes both ways), he needs to give you the space, pure and simple.” – Xenavire