Parenting styles have changed over the generations.
Some of us remember helicopter parents. Others remember uninvolved parents.
A Redditor, who has since deleted their account, has a different approach. He encourages his son to set boundaries and stick to them.
This philosophy recently caused some conflict for the Original Poster (OP), driving them to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
He asked:
“AITA for making a woman leave my house?”
He went on to explain.
“I [30-year-old male] was talking with my wife’s friend who was there for dinner. She tried to hug my son [age 7], but he had a bad day and said no thanks.”
“She kept pressuring him when and he didn’t budge, so she looked at me. I said a kid at school started a fight with him, and he was grumpy, so maybe later.”
“She said ‘Come on. You’re just gonna let him disobey like that?’”
“I said I raised him to build his own boundaries and say no when something violates them, and I would never make him break them for someone else.”
“She laughed and said he’s lucky he’s not her kid, and that behavior would be fixed fast.”
“I had my son go to his room. Then I told her to get out.”
“I said the reason I got out of bed in the morning was to see my son grow another day older, and I would not stand for him being treated like a pet rather than a person.”
“She called me an a-hole and left. My wife is disappointed because she went to yoga with her, but says she can’t scold me because she’d probably do the same.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA.”
“‘He’s lucky he’s not her kid’”
“D*mn right he’s lucky! He has a father that protects him from nutty a** people.” – EmptyDrawer9766
“NTA”
“Teaching kids that their autonomy is important and should be respected is a valuable lesson, hopefully your wife’s friend learns that lesson” – CrystalQueen3000
“I’m really glad this generation of parents is putting so much importance on autonomy.”
“When I was a kid I always hated having to hug and kiss aunts that were super pushy about it, but I knew I would get in trouble if I told them not to touch me” – Cinderjacket
“NTA – yes, even children have the right to set boundaries about their physical person.”
“She is being absurd for thinking otherwise, and her comment about your parenting vs. hers was condescending and unnecessary” – p0t3
“NTA”
“And it was ridiculous for her even to say your son was disobeying. Eff no.”
“She had no authority over him at all and certainly no authority to demand he submit to hugs. He is his own person.”
“Good dad for sticking up for him and showing him you have his back when he wants to keep with his boundaries.” – Kris82868
“NTA,”
“‘said I raised him to build his own boundaries and say no when something violates them, and I would never make him break them for someone else.’”
“You are godd*mn right” – Amar_Akbar_Anthony20
“I used to hate being told “Go on, hug Auntie/Uncle/Relative stranger, go and give them a kiss” as a child- fairplay to you for enforcing your son’s boundaries! NTA” – ohnosandpeople
“NTA”
“F*cking hell, let’s teach kids that they have to be touched even when they don’t want to be touched and have made that clear.”
“‘let him disobey like that’ – WTF.”
“Definitely NTA” – West_Map4218
“NTA obviously. You protected your kid like any self-respecting loving father should. Never let that woman into your house ever again. She’s effing creepy.” – FlamingGladiolus
“NTA”
“That woman was indeed treating your son like a pet.”
“Also, that whole thing of trying to force kids to hug/cheek kiss older people, even when the kid doesn’t want to… Thanks for teaching your son not to accept it!!!” – brisemartel
“NTA. All children should be taught that it’s ok to have their own personal boundaries.” – Biteme75
“NTA. Good for you for teaching him to set boundaries. She had no business touching your son anyway” – Wheresthemayonaise
“NTA”
“She doesn’t respect not only your kid’s boundaries but in fact even your boundaries.” – Playful_Map201
“NTA – Helping kids understand what consent means starts very young. No means no. And an adult forcing a kid to hug them is kinda creepy.” – coffeexxx666
“NTA Her story is going to be that you threw her out because she hugged your kid. Too bad you didn’t think to invite a random stranger into the house to hug her.” – BenedictineBaby
“NTA – no means no even with children and hugs. Bodily autonomy is bodily autonomy no matter what. Children don’t owe fully grown adults hugs.” – celestialxkitty
“As a childhood SA survivor, honestly, she sounds like an abuser.”
“There were multiple people who would want me to touch them, even as a hug, just so they could press their private parts on my face, back, chest, etc.”
“Then they would stand there talking to whatever adult was around at the time and rub themselves on me. It makes my skin crawl to this day.”
“It looked like a hug with a little sideways swing or whatever (think like an 8th-grade dance) – it is hard to describe”
“It was always a warm-up to ‘can he come stay with us and play with the kids?’ or ‘when we go camping you can stay with my boys!’”
“It always seemed innocent to any adult listening, but it never, ever, was.”
“This was a long time ago (40+ years) so there wasn’t as much attention on the subject as there is today.”
“But if your child is saying “no” – please listen to them.”
“NTA” – Ayste
“‘Turns out no means no even when it comes from the mouths of babes’ is a nice thing to say as you politely close the door in her face.” – ScooterDoesReddit
“NTA there really isn’t much else to say cause that woman sounds horrible and disrespected you, your wife, and your son in your own home.” – ExRiverFish4557
“I’m surprised your wife wasn’t as outraged as you were. This woman deserved to be (literally) kicked out. Good riddance. NTA” – MaryContrary26
“Way to go dad!!!”
“You absolutely did the right thing.”
“Not only did you help your son uphold his boundaries, but you showed him that you have his back and will support him when he stands firm on his boundaries.”
“That is an amazing thing for your son to see from his parents.”
“NTA, btw” – Sabinene
“NTA.”
“Your son is a person and can decline contact as he wishes. You did a great job standing up for him. Your wife’s friend acted horribly, so you had every right to tell her to leave.” – Emmereen
“NTA”
“Your son didn’t want to be touched. That means people should leave him alone. Grown-ups that don’t agree with that could find themselves talking to police.”
“That is one boundary as a parent you strictly enforce. No child gets touched by an adult when they say “No”. You make sure they know their voice is being heard and respected.” – MaryAnne0601
“NTA. Good job standing up for your son and learning him that it is okay to have boundaries.” – DragonflyOk9277
“NTA – “treated like a pet” ?!?!!?!?”
“In your defense, if our pets walked away when someone tried to pick them up, or scritch them, and that person kept harassing them, we’d probably ask that person to leave as well.”
“Sheeeeeeesh!” – edentel
“NTA. You are a good father! Not only did you respect your child’s bodily autonomy, but who is this woman to tell you when your child is disobeying or not in your house?”
“She was a guest in your home, which means she has an obligation to a certain behavior. She doesn’t get to go around giving commands.”
“And your wife should be more concerned with someone who treated her son as a thing to be used as opposed to being worried about how awkward things will be at yoga.”
“She needs to check her priorities.” – bamf1701
“NTA”
“Way to go dad. Remember your kids have a lifetime to be an adult. Right now, they need to be children.”
“They don’t need this type of intrusion, especially from outside the family in his space. Plus what the message you sending if you took your wife’s friends advice?” – JLineman09
“i’ve never understood the whole forcing your kid to hug or be affectionate towards someone when they’re clearly not comfortable or just simply don’t want to.”
“I’ve had a friend and family member try and force their child into hugging me when they’re uncomfortable and I shut it down, and every time the kid is so relieved.”
“definitely NTA and I really hope she doesn’t have children.” – sign_of_confusion
“NTA”
“As a parent, it is your responsibility to prioritize the emotional well-being and boundaries of your child.”
“Your son clearly expressed that he didn’t want a hug, and you respected his wishes, which is commendable.”
“The fact that your wife’s friend pressured your son to do something he didn’t want to do and made disrespectful comments about your parenting approach is concerning.”
“It is crucial for children to learn about consent, autonomy, and the importance of setting boundaries, and you were teaching your son precisely that.”
“Your decision to ask her to leave after she continued to disrespect your parenting choices shows that you are standing up for your son’s rights and treating him with the respect he deserves.”
“Your priority is your son’s well-being, and that should be respected by others, even if they have different parenting styles.”
“It’s essential to maintain an environment where your child feels safe and supported in expressing himself and setting boundaries.”
“Your wife seems to understand your perspective, and as parents, it’s essential to present a united front when it comes to raising your child.”
“In this situation, you acted as a responsible and caring parent, and while the outcome may not have been ideal, your intentions were in the best interest of your son.”
“Even your wife said that she would have probably done the same.” – BH_Falcon27
Way to go, Dad! We would hug you, but we’ll definitely ask for.
Oh, and definitely NTA.